rn0408 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Has anyone, after a breakup with somebody who has emotionally abused you, have extreme confidence in anything they have ever done now? I removed myself from a psychopath, who I for sure caught on she has BPD (I went to a therapy session and he said the same about her and she needs meds). I dated her for almost 6 months. That relationship was controlling, manipulating, and emotionally abusive. After I had the courage to get out and not be the "Knight in Shining Armour" anymore. After I "RAN" from her and cut ties, I immediately sparked confidence in myself that I never experienced before. Every time I would open up with her..she would use it against me. She wondered why I broke up with her and I lit her apart on the phone not even in a angry voice. I don't feel bad and don't need to apologize the way she acted in public and infront of my family. At the end of the conversation she said "You won the game." To her, this was a game and I defeated her. I feel this was almost a true test of the Mind and Spirit of myself to who I really am and what I believe in! (If the worst happens with her, so be it. I just hope nobody is married to that monster)..I told her she needs help and that's all I can do. After I heard the phrase "I won the game," I feel like I defeated a psychopath in their own game (and I told her in a email She is not to talk to my family, friends, and myself FOREVER) their own makings, their own quest to break people, and their own reality. Anyone else experience this? Honestly before she said that phrase, I was over the relationship in 3 days. I could write a book on how crazy she was. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 It took me roughly 18 months to heal and accept. I don't wish ill will on him; I feel pity for him and the new lady he is with--she will soon be the next victim. My heart is sad for them both, and anyone else who had to deal with him. I used to hate, loathe, despise and abominate him for all he put me through. But when I educated myself on BPD, and found some friends on here unexpectedly who knew that disorder inside and out, backwards and forwards, it helped me come to terms with things. A huge weight was lifted....but....it took a long time; there are still some scars and I am haunted from time to time, but many have said I have dodged a bullet, I like to believe this is true. I told him he 'won the game' because it seemed like a game to him, purposely starting a fight and saying the most cruel things to me---it brought out my inner ugly and I retaliated by saying ugly things to him--he seemed to get off on it and thrive on it. It was sick. I didn't like who I was when I was with this person. I figured he won; I gave up and had no strength to handle this anymore with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rn0408 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 It took me roughly 18 months to heal and accept. I don't wish ill will on him; I feel pity for him and the new lady he is with--she will soon be the next victim. My heart is sad for them both, and anyone else who had to deal with him. I used to hate, loathe, despise and abominate him for all he put me through. But when I educated myself on BPD, and found some friends on here unexpectedly who knew that disorder inside and out, backwards and forwards, it helped me come to terms with things. A huge weight was lifted....but....it took a long time; there are still some scars and I am haunted from time to time, but many have said I have dodged a bullet, I like to believe this is true. I told him he 'won the game' because it seemed like a game to him, purposely starting a fight and saying the most cruel things to me---it brought out my inner ugly and I retaliated by saying ugly things to him--he seemed to get off on it and thrive on it. It was sick. I didn't like who I was when I was with this person. I figured he won; I gave up and had no strength to handle this anymore with him. No you won...you are out of a disaster... losing the game would be marriage with him. I had to tell my ex over the phone every reason why the relationship was a diaster. She claimed I was pouring salt on her wounds..but I just keep on going and didnt stop. I didnt feel bad for telling her I wasted 5 months with her and I wish we never would of met. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) Be glad it was only 5 months. I wasted 3 years. He didn't have BPD. He had very strong traits of APD and NPD, friends of BPD in cluster B! Because he was a compulsive liar and we lived in different cities, it took me THREE years to pick up on what he was doing. It does help to have a DSM-IV here because I took psychology graduate classes. I can read about the symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder and Narcissitic Personality Disorder and feel very lucky that I kicked him out of my life. I'm also lucky that it was the couple's therapist that told me. I was not able to come to that conclusion because he had lied to me so much and kept so much hidden from me. But the couple's counselor saw it. She knew! After I left him, she told me the deal and wanted me to stay away from him! Before I left him, she told me that I had value. She told me that after I told her how he was treating me. She told me right in front of him that I had value. It was at that point that I realized my self-esteem was very, very low. I left him about a week later. Edited April 16, 2012 by CopingGal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 No you won...you are out of a disaster... losing the game would be marriage with him. I had to tell my ex over the phone every reason why the relationship was a diaster. She claimed I was pouring salt on her wounds..but I just keep on going and didnt stop. I didnt feel bad for telling her I wasted 5 months with her and I wish we never would of met. Did you ex say you were 'attacking' her when you expressed your feelings and tried to communicate? They make you feel iike you are crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
castaway90 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 omg, you guys hit the nail right on the head with this one for me. I am still so terrified of him. He called me such horrible names and humiliated me in front of his whole family. Forced me to go into explicit detail about my past with other men so he could further manipulate and play his mind games. It's been almost a year since I last spoke to him.. I changed my phone number and deleted my Facebook. And I still have nightmares about the jeering and screaming and throwing objects. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rn0408 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Did you ex say you were 'attacking' her when you expressed your feelings and tried to communicate? They make you feel iike you are crazy. No, I just named about more than 40 people who said she was a wack job and I stood my ground because I was in control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rn0408 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 omg, you guys hit the nail right on the head with this one for me. I am still so terrified of him. He called me such horrible names and humiliated me in front of his whole family. Forced me to go into explicit detail about my past with other men so he could further manipulate and play his mind games. It's been almost a year since I last spoke to him.. I changed my phone number and deleted my Facebook. And I still have nightmares about the jeering and screaming and throwing objects. I would talk to a therapist honestly. I just kept on thinking of the negative actions that they caused and laughed it off. I wouldnt delete your facebook because you might isolate yourself...just change your settings super private. From a females perspective, I can understand being worried and nervous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
castaway90 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I would talk to a therapist honestly. I just kept on thinking of the negative actions that they caused and laughed it off. I wouldnt delete your facebook because you might isolate yourself...just change your settings super private. From a females perspective, I can understand being worried and nervous. I should have elaborated. I deleted my old Facebook and made a new one - and blocked all of his friends and family and jacked up my privacy settings. His entire family is BPD, I believe. He only has one brother who's normal. Hard to believe but he was raised that way. His mother even said once, and I quote, "emotional abuse is GOOD, because it forces you to change". WTF!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I should have elaborated. I deleted my old Facebook and made a new one - and blocked all of his friends and family and jacked up my privacy settings. His entire family is BPD, I believe. He only has one brother who's normal. Hard to believe but he was raised that way. His mother even said once, and I quote, "emotional abuse is GOOD, because it forces you to change". WTF!!! It sounds like that woman is sick. I'm a little afraid of my ex, because now I have no idea what he is capable of. People who had no conscience are pretty much capable of doing anything. That's another reason for me to continue with NC and stay away from him. I have not seen him since October. As far as I'm concerned, I want him to STAY GONE, Yeah! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts