Dumped my girlfriend of 1.5 years 10 days ago...

[JEL123]

Hello all,

 

10 days ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years, and it has really been the one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.

 

The story begins on a Friday in which I had nothing to do as I was on break for school, and my girlfriend was at work. She texted me after work saying that she was going to grab a drink after work then go to the grocery store. She called me when she got off at 4:30pm. I told her to have fun with her co-workers (I thought it would be girls) and to call me after she was done. I was very bored that day with nothing to do, so I was surprised not to be invited. Anyways, time went on and it was now 9pm, she had not called nor texted. So I called her and she tells me she's still at the bar listening to music (In Slurred words). I told her okay call me when your at the grocery store. She calls me ten minutes later when she's at the grocery store, and tells me that she was with one of her male co-workers chatting and listening to music for about 5 hours. I was shell-shocked, and felt completely disrespected as we have spoken and created boundaries about hanging out with other people of the opposite sex, especially when I do not know who they are. We had come to an agreement long before that we would not do that to each other. And its not that I am insecure or have trust issues, I just felt that she did not respect me enough that she should of known better that if she wanted to drink and chat with someone it should have been me (WHO HAD NO PLANS), not a co-worker.

 

I tell her that I can not be with someone who disrespects me in that way and decided to end it, as I did not want to be with her anymore in a relationship. This would be the second time I broke it off with her. The last break up was also due to a lack of respect as I saw her giver her number to a random guy at a bar.

 

I still love her, and really truly pray and hope that everything with her works out in her life.

 

Note: The last month was filled with many arguments, as she really aimed to put me down and feel like a lesser man (Calling me inappropriate names).

 

I did everything for this girl, and I did not feel appreciated.

 

This just sucks.

 

Any tips on what I should keep doing? As of now I have kept NC

[BewitchedandBothered]

Hello all,

 

10 days ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years, and it has really been the one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.

 

The story begins on a Friday in which I had nothing to do as I was on break for school, and my girlfriend was at work. She texted me after work saying that she was going to grab a drink after work then go to the grocery store. She called me when she got off at 4:30pm. I told her to have fun with her co-workers (I thought it would be girls) and to call me after she was done. I was very bored that day with nothing to do, so I was surprised not to be invited. Anyways, time went on and it was now 9pm, she had not called nor texted. So I called her and she tells me she's still at the bar listening to music (In Slurred words). I told her okay call me when your at the grocery store. She calls me ten minutes later when she's at the grocery store, and tells me that she was with one of her male co-workers chatting and listening to music for about 5 hours. I was shell-shocked, and felt completely disrespected as we have spoken and created boundaries about hanging out with other people of the opposite sex, especially when I do not know who they are. We had come to an agreement long before that we would not do that to each other. And its not that I am insecure or have trust issues, I just felt that she did not respect me enough that she should of known better that if she wanted to drink and chat with someone it should have been me (WHO HAD NO PLANS), not a co-worker.

 

I tell her that I can not be with someone who disrespects me in that way and decided to end it, as I did not want to be with her anymore in a relationship. This would be the second time I broke it off with her. The last break up was also due to a lack of respect as I saw her giver her number to a random guy at a bar.

 

I still love her, and really truly pray and hope that everything with her works out in her life.

 

Note: The last month was filled with many arguments, as she really aimed to put me down and feel like a lesser man (Calling me inappropriate names).

 

I did everything for this girl, and I did not feel appreciated.

 

This just sucks.

 

Any tips on what I should keep doing? As of now I have kept NC

What was her reaction to your laying it on the line this time? You gave her a chance before; follow your heart. It sounds like you have put up with enough already.

[JEL123]

What was her reaction to your laying it on the line this time? You gave her a chance before; follow your heart. It sounds like you have put up with enough already.

 

She was saying that I did not trust her, which is not true. I was trying to explain to her that I do not trust the people she is around with especially guys. We had spoken about this before, because I would not have a problem with her hanging out with anyone as long as I have met them and knew who they were. I did not know this male co-worker, nor his intentions on my gf for five hours in a bar. She said that either I end the relationship now, or keep it going because she doesn't believe in breaks. I also do not believe in breaks, so I decided to end it.

 

Its been a rough couple of days.

[Chi townD]

I thought it was premature for you to break up with her because she was hanging out with the co-worker until I read that she ALSO gave out her number to someone at a bar. THAT would have been the deal breaker.

 

So, what do you do now? You get your revenge. The best revenge to can get is to lead a damn good life. First, get a new haircut and buy new clothes. Change your self image. Then, get a membership to the gym and GO!!! Run on the treadmill and push weight. That will help you with your stress levels and work off the frustrations. PLUS! It will help you get a ripped bod!

 

Then, go back to school and work toward your career goals to improve yourself financially. Then you can afford and awesome new townehome and cool ass ride. Then, travel! Go somewhere you've always wanted to go, and just go! Believe me, a lot of girls keep tabs on their Ex's to see what their doing. Here's the revenge part, she'll hear that you've changed your looks and a pretty snazzy dresser with a ripped bod. Has a nice place and a nice ride and he currently on vacation in Jamacia....and she's still handing out her phone number to half drunk guys in the bar. Who wins?

[BewitchedandBothered]

I thought it was premature for you to break up with her because she was hanging out with the co-worker until I read that she ALSO gave out her number to someone at a bar. THAT would have been the deal breaker.

 

So, what do you do now? You get your revenge. The best revenge to can get is to lead a damn good life. First, get a new haircut and buy new clothes. Change your self image. Then, get a membership to the gym and GO!!! Run on the treadmill and push weight. That will help you with your stress levels and work off the frustrations. PLUS! It will help you get a ripped bod!

 

Then, go back to school and work toward your career goals to improve yourself financially. Then you can afford and awesome new townehome and cool ass ride. Then, travel! Go somewhere you've always wanted to go, and just go! Believe me, a lot of girls keep tabs on their Ex's to see what their doing. Here's the revenge part, she'll hear that you've changed your looks and a pretty snazzy dresser with a ripped bod. Has a nice place and a nice ride and he currently on vacation in Jamacia....and she's still handing out her phone number to half drunk guys in the bar. Who wins?

 

PssT...hoping MY ex keeps tabs on me and sees I am fine, LOL;) I like how you think:)

[BewitchedandBothered]

She was saying that I did not trust her, which is not true. I was trying to explain to her that I do not trust the people she is around with especially guys. We had spoken about this before, because I would not have a problem with her hanging out with anyone as long as I have met them and knew who they were. I did not know this male co-worker, nor his intentions on my gf for five hours in a bar. She said that either I end the relationship now, or keep it going because she doesn't believe in breaks. I also do not believe in breaks, so I decided to end it.

 

Its been a rough couple of days.

 

You stuck by your convictions. Why didn't she invite you out as well??? That puzzles me. She seems to be craving attention from the other fellows, not a good sign. Stay strong.

[JEL123]

You stuck by your convictions. Why didn't she invite you out as well??? That puzzles me. She seems to be craving attention from the other fellows, not a good sign. Stay strong.

 

Yeah, thats what I could not understand as to why she didn't invite me. She crossed the boundary in our relationship. I ended it, but it feels like something right now is missing in my life. I know time heals all, and I have been focusing on my studies and exercising. But for some reason I wish she would be fighting to get me back... I am thinking wrong or is it just too fresh of a break up?

[JEL123]

Anything else that I could be doing? I honestly think about her everyday, she was my best friend. Its just hard for me right now, that I will never be able to talk to her and help her anymore.

[hellodearest]

i've spent time with a coworker and neglected my girlfriend at home. when i got home she was very upset and we got in a big argument.

 

I understood where she was coming from, but at the same time - spending time with the female coworker wasn't romantic or anything, i just happened to feel selfish that day and chose to do what i want. we're all allowed to do that.

 

Worst case scenario? she emotionally strayed, thought the guy was attractive, and was attracted to him and hung out with him for a long time getting to know him. After getting to know him, she decided you were the one and is hurt that you're hurting her and shunning her now.

 

Up to you to make the decision what works and doesnt work for you - seems like you're not ready for it to be over though.

[gibson]

Anything else that I could be doing? I honestly think about her everyday, she was my best friend. Its just hard for me right now, that I will never be able to talk to her and help her anymore.

 

Although she says she wanted to be with you, her ACTIONS have proved that she doesn't. Giving her number to a guy in a bar and hanging with a co-worker of the opposite sex, getting drunk for 5 hours was a boundary that were not to be crossed.

 

You should be proud that you remained true to yourself and the boundaries you two agreed upon.

 

She left you no choice but to let her go... It was only a matter of time before she left you anyway.

Edited April 16, 2012 by gibson

[JEL123]

i've spent time with a coworker and neglected my girlfriend at home. when i got home she was very upset and we got in a big argument.

 

I understood where she was coming from, but at the same time - spending time with the female coworker wasn't romantic or anything, i just happened to feel selfish that day and chose to do what i want. we're all allowed to do that.

 

Worst case scenario? she emotionally strayed, thought the guy was attractive, and was attracted to him and hung out with him for a long time getting to know him. After getting to know him, she decided you were the one and is hurt that you're hurting her and shunning her now.

 

Up to you to make the decision what works and doesnt work for you - seems like you're not ready for it to be over though.

 

Yes, I know what you are saying. By spending time drinking and eating and chatting with a male co-worker for 5 hours, it really just put me in a bad position. I don't think she is the type to cheat, but she crossed the boundaries of our relationship not once, but twice. Im ready to move on, this is my first relationship and my first love, but its just hard to let go when you have spent so much time and built many memories together. My girlfriend should not have been giving her time to another man (especially a co-worker, who I haven't met), it sent me a very sketchy message about her, aswell she was drinking. In that if we were ever in another big fight, she would go running to this other guy, to talk to about her problems. It sucks when the one you love has disrespected you in this matter.

 

This will be a tough one to get over, I guess.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Although she says she wanted to be with you, her ACTIONS have proved that she doesn't. Giving her number to a guy in a bar and hanging with a co-worker of the opposite sex, getting drunk for 5 hours was a boundary that were not to be crossed.

 

You should be proud that you remained true to yourself and the boundaries you two agreed upon.

 

She left you no choice but to let her go... It was only a matter of time before she left you anyway.

 

And I'm not getting a sense that she is fighting to keep you; doesn't seem all torn up that you had cut ties. You deserve so much better.

[JEL123]

And I'm not getting a sense that she is fighting to keep you; doesn't seem all torn up that you had cut ties. You deserve so much better.

 

Yes, this is what i guess has made it really difficult. For some dumb reason I want for her to fight for me, but maybe its that she really doesn't care. I gave her everything, she was my first relationship and first love. I know I deserve more its just going to be hard to get back on my feet, as this past year and half was me devoted to making her happy.

 

Any advice on getting over the "first" love? Would be very helpful.

 

Thanks everyone for your replies it really helps!

[JEL123]

Any advice on getting over the "first" love?

[Steelrain322]

No contact

[CaliBabe]

Wow, good job. This just shows how much you respect yourself and how you are not going to accept anything less than what you know you deserve. You did give her a second chance after giving her number out so this was the right thing (in my opinion).

 

It does sound like she is not ready for a commited relationship. She obiously does seek other male attention.

 

A tip I would give is to do your own thing for awhile. Don't rush into another relationship. Just have fun, see how it is to be single and live it up!

[gotye]

this makes me worried

 

most of my friends are male, and in my last relationship my bf got super jealous because of it

 

I started out very open when I hung with dudes, dudes who weren't attractive and either had gf or we were close for a long time... but because of all the jealousy from my ex I started hiding it... I don't know if having male friends is really a deal breaker in relationships. I can't just stop having male friends... my career path is a male dominated field

 

I do have a few female friends too but most are male (I wish I had more female friends!)

 

I don't get why you have to meet people to allow her to hang out with them though. I find that so controlling and weird, if a guy did that to me I might lash out and give a number. I don't know why nobody else feels off about that...

Edited April 17, 2012 by gotye

[JEL123]

this makes me worried

 

most of my friends are male, and in my last relationship my bf got super jealous because of it

 

I started out very open when I hung with dudes, dudes who weren't attractive and either had gf or we were close for a long time... but because of all the jealousy from my ex I started hiding it... I don't know if having male friends is really a deal breaker in relationships. I can't just stop having male friends... my career path is a male dominated field

 

I do have a few female friends too but most are male (I wish I had more female friends!)

 

I don't get why you have to meet people to allow her to hang out with them though. I find that so controlling and weird, if a guy did that to me I might lash out and give a number. I don't know why nobody else feels off about that...

 

Gotye,

 

In my relationship with this girl, we also started out very open. I did not care who she hung out with as I understood that the relationship was just starting. I did not mind her hanging out with her friends, We both felt and agreed on it that for a good relationship too prosper my friends should be her friends and her friends should be mine. Gotye, if you were at home one night and you were available to do whatever, would you want to be with your S/O when they are available? Would you be thrown off that your S/O would rather be drinking and laughing with someone else you have no idea about or their intentions? We had set boundaries before about this kind of stuff, because when she hangs out with people of the opposite sex (especially co-workers as she sees them everyday) it makes me feel very uncomfortable about where I stand in the relationship. I would also like to say that as a college student, I am surrounded by hundreds of girls. I could easily be having dinner and drinks with them, but I did not as I had respect for my relationship. I would much rather be doing that stuff with my gf. She crossed a boundary and that broke my trust.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

Wow, good job. This just shows how much you respect yourself and how you are not going to accept anything less than what you know you deserve. You did give her a second chance after giving her number out so this was the right thing (in my opinion).

!

 

Just read this post and I agree 100%, good for you for being true to yourself. Respect is a big part of a relationship and she clearly did not have any.

 

As far as what you can do now....get busy! Don't mope! Stay active! Call friends! Do whatever you have to do that keeps you from living in the past.

 

Get busy living!

[SilverBlueAndGold]

this makes me worried

 

most of my friends are male, and in my last relationship my bf got super jealous because of it

 

I started out very open when I hung with dudes, dudes who weren't attractive and either had gf or we were close for a long time... but because of all the jealousy from my ex I started hiding it... I don't know if having male friends is really a deal breaker in relationships. I can't just stop having male friends... my career path is a male dominated field

 

 

There really is no reason that you, or any other woman for that matter should not have male friends. In fact it's healthy. As long as boundaries are observed and respect is in place. Any guy who is upset with you just for having male friends has issues of his own. However, if you ( and I mean the generic you, not you personally) are doing things with male friends that bother the man in your life then you need to work that out. And decide for yourself if you think it is fair or not.

 

I don't get why you have to meet people to allow her to hang out with them though. I find that so controlling and weird, if a guy did that to me I might lash out and give a number. I don't know why nobody else feels off about that...

 

Why is wanting to meet your friends a bad thing? If he has friends, female or male, wouldnt you want to meet them? If he is a part of your life, and they are a part of his, what reason could there possibly be for not wanting to get to know them?

 

In fact a persons friends (or lack thereof) can give you some insight into their character, what they respect, what they value, what they will tolerate, etc.

 

And I have to respond to your comment about controlling; I think that term gets used WAY too much. If my girlfriend told me that she was out with her girl friends, and I found out she was really hanging with some guy at a bar you better believe it is going to raise some red flags.

[JEL123]

Just read this post and I agree 100%, good for you for being true to yourself. Respect is a big part of a relationship and she clearly did not have any.

 

As far as what you can do now....get busy! Don't mope! Stay active! Call friends! Do whatever you have to do that keeps you from living in the past.

 

Get busy living!

 

Thank you, SilverBlueandGold

 

Your post really helps me understand that what I did was correct, and that I truly deserve better. Its day 11 now, and this day has got to be one of the more depressing days in my break-up. I just don't really have any direction now other than school and exercise. I had so many plans for the summer with my ex, and now they are gone. I have a empty feeling inside that I just cannot shake.

[ThatDudeXO]

I thought it was premature for you to break up with her because she was hanging out with the co-worker until I read that she ALSO gave out her number to someone at a bar. THAT would have been the deal breaker.

 

So, what do you do now? You get your revenge. The best revenge to can get is to lead a damn good life. First, get a new haircut and buy new clothes. Change your self image. Then, get a membership to the gym and GO!!! Run on the treadmill and push weight. That will help you with your stress levels and work off the frustrations. PLUS! It will help you get a ripped bod!

 

Then, go back to school and work toward your career goals to improve yourself financially. Then you can afford and awesome new townehome and cool ass ride. Then, travel! Go somewhere you've always wanted to go, and just go! Believe me, a lot of girls keep tabs on their Ex's to see what their doing. Here's the revenge part, she'll hear that you've changed your looks and a pretty snazzy dresser with a ripped bod. Has a nice place and a nice ride and he currently on vacation in Jamacia....and she's still handing out her phone number to half drunk guys in the bar. Who wins?

 

I wish I could favourite posts.

[Chs]

Exactly how my ex was with other guys. I did not doubt she loved me, but she is just naturally flirty and needs guy attention. We also broke up after one too many of these situations, where i found a phone number of a guy on her phone that she had recently met (she even told me in the beginning that an ex of hers did the exact thing and she would never get other numbers, mhmmm i see that now)

I felt like you, i needed to break up not because the love was gone but because of actions i couldn't accept. It's very very harsh to break up this way, and i honestly can't give you advice on how to move on. I think it's just a matter of time and eventually meeting someone else even though im sure that thought isn't something you want right now.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

Thank you, SilverBlueandGold

 

Your post really helps me understand that what I did was correct, and that I truly deserve better. Its day 11 now, and this day has got to be one of the more depressing days in my break-up. I just don't really have any direction now other than school and exercise. I had so many plans for the summer with my ex, and now they are gone. I have a empty feeling inside that I just cannot shake.

 

Hang in there, good days and bad days. Your self respect cannot be measured in time, and now you have the chance to meet a really great woman.

[JEL123]

Hang in there, good days and bad days. Your self respect cannot be measured in time, and now you have the chance to meet a really great woman.

 

Im hanging in there, one day at a time. I know that I deserve better and I am willing to put this past relationship to rest as look to bigger and better things. Life is too short, I gotta live it up.