Unhappy in long marriage, have met another man

[wickedbe38]

August: I'm also 40 years old. I'm on my 2nd marriage to someone who is 10 years younger than me. So I'm not going to be one of those people who bashes others because of the age difference. I'm a Wiccan, so I do not know the type of religion you speak of. But it sounds to me that it's not the right one for you? If your not willing to go with the rules of the church then it's time to locate one that fits you Spiritually. As far as wanting a divorce without having to face his anger? I'd move out taking all what you can in that same day. Move to anther city, or another state. Place an add in 3 newspapers, that you know he doesn't read, stating that your requesting a divorce from him by name. After 90 days, you can then apply for a divorce without him ever being present. My sister did it, and so did my sister inlaw. So, I know you can get out if you really want him too. If his family is by his side, then let them take care of him. Move on with your life and find the happiness that you've missed out on. Just remember, there's a rebound dating, then the true love dating, make sure you know what is right for you.

 

 

 

 

August:

Hi Everyone,

 

I am new here...was looking around the net for some help with my situation and I found this site.

 

I am 40 years old and have been married to the same man since I was 16. It will be 24 years in August. We have three kids almost grown, the youngest being 16. I married him when he was 31, he is 15 years older than me.

 

I don't want to drag this out, but our life has been rocky from the start. My H has had a hard time holding down a good job over the years, some years our annual income was below 10,000 for all 5 of us. Currently, he is on social security and I work fulltime, so we are getting by okay now. The other thing that has been a drain on our relationship is his temper and anger issues. He reacts to things with violence, breaking things, busting walls, doors, windows, dishes, etc. I will say, though, that he has never hit me, but I honestly don't trust him not to. I have seen him so mad that I think he would be capable of anything. And I know alot of you are asking, what makes him so mad? Well, he would tell you that it is mine and the childrens fault for not listening to him and doing what he says. See, we have gone to a very fundamental church from the start of our marriage, the kind that says the wife is to be in submission to her husband and the kids, also. So, he blames me for not being submissive. Which I will admit, sometimes I am very stubborn and strong willed and it has been hard for me to submit to him from the beginning. But he has had issues with his temper prior to our marriage because I have been told stories by his family of things he has done.

 

Anyway, over the years, I have lost respect for him and we have grown apart, partly I think due to our age difference. Through it all, I have never been unfaithful to him, until about 3 months ago.

 

I never thought I would be unfaithful, for one thing because our church teaches it is a sin. But in March I met a man at work who totally captured my heart. I was in a vulnerable position, lonely and tired of being unhappy. So, to cut this short, I want my H to give me a divorce, but I don't know how to go about this without hurting him. I still care for him but I haven't loved him for a long time.

 

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

[jmargel]

No one should be subjected to such violence that they fear their life or harm. This will understandably make you lose love for him, among other things he might have done to you in the past. You were out of love with him for a long time and do not wish to pursue this anymore. You were also out of love with him while the affair took place, and you mentioned you want your freedom regardless of this other man.

 

That being said you have made your decision. I am not here nor should anyone else be here to try to pursuade your decision. We are not living your life, therefore we can't make judgements on your behalf. We don't have to live with the consequences one way or another.

 

Your question is how do you go about doing this. If you are fearful for your life or harm, and you have a good relationship with this other man, or family member the best thing to do is to move out while he's not home & leave a detailed letter on why you have done this. He sounds very controlling so you need to becareful. He's not going to take this lightly and will act on his emotions, which can be dangerous. However this isn't a reason to be scared and not go through with it. You have to remain strong, it will be a battle. You also need to contact a lawyer on what steps to take.

 

As for the others who seem to be self-righteous and bashing you, they have to stop thinking so one-sided. There are some marriages that aren't meant to be. One's happiness is more important than devoting your life to someone you have no love for. You don't get any bonus points doing this after you die.

 

Keep in touch.

[August]

Hi Everyone, its me, August. I want to thank all of you for your advice and opinions. And yes, you did read correctly. I did get married at the age of 16 to a 31 year old man. But I had my parents signed permission, of course. Anyway, I think my husband is going to move out this weekend and I have quit wearing my wedding rings. The OM is still in the picture but even if he wasn't, I would still want my freedom. When H does leave, I am going to go out and celebrate, because it is the first step. I feel a new confidence in myself and I am encouraged about my future. Thanks again everyone, I will keep you all posted!