She wants to enjoy her last year of college...

[I'mRickJames]

I was with my ex for 1.5 years before we parted ways Tuesday. She was my first and I love her with all that I am. She's got a year left of school and wants to live it up and see if the grass is greener. It tears me up but I can't fault her for wanting to enjoy her last year of school. We started dating when I was a senior and she was a sophomore and I knew once I left school it would get tough.

 

We initially split in March but were on-again and off-again before finally ending it on Tuesday. It was blatantly obvious that the spark wasn't there anymore and something needed to be done. She's said that if she were out of school and ready to settle she would be with me and she can see herself spending the rest of her life with me but right now it's not what she wants--we're at two different points in our life.

 

Like I said, I really can't fault her- she's 21 and wants to enjoy her last year at school before entering the real world. We've decided that if neither one of us is with anyone after she's finished with school, we very well may get back together. That's what I'd like but I know I can't wait around for it to happen.

 

It really is a complex situation in that I know she's going to be having fun at school and probably will date other guys---but she's said that she won't actively seek out guys. She just wants the flexibility to be able to say yes if someone asks her on a date and not feel bad about doing it.

 

She's a GREAT girl and didn't break it off to be spiteful. She just wants to live it up while she can (she was with someone else her first year then me the last 2). I have a pretty strong feeling that when she's finished with school and goes home to student-teach, we'll have a very good chance of getting back together. She's said she couldn't ask for anyone better than me and I treat her better than anyone she's ever been with but she doesn't feel the same anymore and needs to have fun her last year.

 

I know it's going to tear me up without her and I'm going to have to be strong but it's tough because I know there's a good chance we'll end up back together. I'm hoping the time away from each other will make her realize how much I cared and how good I was for her.

[SingleInTheCity]

Rick - the best thing you can do is allow her this space to "find" herself. If this was meant to be she'll come back and it'll be so much greater later. She'll appreciate you more for the man that you are and you will have had some time to know that she is your miss IT. It's easier said than done but time heals all wounds and sometimes life presents us with unexpected but pleasant surprises. We're here for you and you are going to be just fine.

[I'mRickJames]

Thanks Single, it's posts like yours that make me feel better about going through this.

[I'mRickJames]

Has anyone ever gone through anything like this? Even if you haven't, any advice or support would be extremely and greatly appreciated. I'm afraid I don't have many people to talk to other than family so hearing other people's thoughts would be helpful.

[BlueLP]

I went through something similar a couple years ago. My girlfriend of the time gave the same reasons and everything. Eventually she dated a few others guys, had lots of fun & partied a lot while I was still shocked and hurting that we had broken up. It was pretty painful. Things gradually got better as I accepted that she was gone, and once I was better I started dating my current girlfriend.

 

A couple months in, suddenly the ex had the realization that she wanted to be with me forever, that she didn't want anyone else. It was a pretty serious deal when she called me up. She was very sorry about what had happened, but felt that she needed to go through a period like that to know that she wanted to be with me.

 

Unfortunately, my feelings had changed by then for her. She had really hurt my heart so much I couldn't get any feelings for her back. I saw her in a different light, and and I felt like she had shown me her true colors by ditching me and running around with some other guys.

 

You know, I believe her and other girls when they say that they need some time and space to figure things out, it is really needed sometimes. I don't think she would have made the realization otherwise. But personally, when they date other guys that is too much for me. While you may still like them, I think at that point you have to stand up for yourself and realize that you shouldn't be with someone who takes you for granted, and puts you through such suffering. I want to be with someone who already knows what they have without freaking out about it and needing a complete break from it to date other guys.

[Phelly]

It seems to me, from the thoughts and feelings you have expressed, as though you have a very healthy love for this girl. You're willing to let her loose, so to speak, simply because you want to honor her wish to "have fun".

 

It reminds me of the old adage, if you love something let it go...

 

And it's my opinion that she would be a fool not to come running back to you once she realizes that that kind of love is so hard to find. It's my hope that this will happen sooner rather than later.

 

Good luck.

[I'mRickJames]

Blue- nice to see someone else went through something similar. I've thought about what would happen if she wanted to get back together and would I accept her back. Part of me wants to take her back because I really do love her but the other part of me agrees with what you said, that she left me to try something else and I shouldn't be so quick to let her back in.

 

Phelly- thanks for the support. It is my hope, like you said, that she'll wake up after a while and realize what she had with me. At the same time I also realize that sitting around and wishing for it won't do me any good. I've NEVER been good at social settings and meeting people but getting out and just enjoying myself instead of being a miserable wretch is something that needs to be done.

 

I'm willing to not be so harsh on her and take her back somewhat fully because she's a great girl. If she was a jerk and broke up with me the wrong way, then I'd make her work extra hard if she wanted to come back. She did me right though and is sweet and caring- she just needs to "live a little" so I can't hate her for it.

[I'mRickJames]

Hey guys I'm thinking about calling my ex tomorrow. I still have a few things I need to get off my chest before I can be at peace. It'll be 5 days since we broke it off. Is this a bad idea?

 

Basically I'm afraid that if she has seconds thoughts about what she did and wants to come back, she'll be hesitant to do so because she'll think I'll be too pissed and won't take her back. I just want to let her know that I care for her too much to hold that big of a grudge and that if she changes her mind and wants to come back, I won't hold it over her head.

 

She's a proud person, never likes to admit she was wrong, and I'm worried that if she begins to think she made a mistake by breaking it off, her stubborness won't allow her to admit she was wrong and come back.

 

I'm not going to harp on things with her but like I said, that's one of the things I need to let her know so I can be on my way to feeling better about myself.

[I'mRickJames]

Well I just talked to her about an hour ago. Told her that if she ever thought twice about what happened and wanted to get back together, I wouldn't be mad and hold a grudge. She seemed a little nonchalant about it but did say "thank you that's nice to know."

 

Other than a little small talk about work and father's day, that was it. I don't plan on contacting her for quite some time, unless she makes the first move.