boyfriends ex says hes still with her

[NOsuchthing]

Hi LS,

 

Okay I will give you the quickest back story I can. So about a year and a half ago I reconnected with a childhood friend of mine on facebook. Me and all of my siblings did actually. At the time it was innocent, I noticed he was in a relationship and nothing ever crossed my mind. At some point they broke up, then about a month later they got back together, and then shortly after that they broke up again. A short time after this we started talking more on facebook. I wasn't trying to make a pass, I think I just felt more comfortable talking to him without it looking bad cuz he wasn't with someone. At some point we exchanged numbers and started talking and catching up. We talked about anything and everything, became attracted to each other rather quickly and I learned that he was working on a rig in a no man's land state and his schedule was about a month on the rig, then two weeks off year round. And then he lived in another state entirely, so kind of rough but really good money. We talked every free moment. I'm quite busy with work and finishing a degree (gaaaaaag) but we manage to find time everyday and he texts me constantly. we held off on making anything official until we had an opportunity to "meet" as it were, that happened in February and we've been "official" since then. LAst week I got the L word <3 for the first time, and it's hard but we are loving each other and happy.

 

 

That said.....

 

I just got three emails yesterday from the most recent ex asking me if I'm dating him and insisting that she's been dating him since February. NOw, a few months ago, she hacked his facebook like a 7 year old (we are pushing 30...come on now...), deleted and blocked me and my brother and sister, deleted some of his friends, and he found out it was her because she sent him a random text asking about me by name. According to him she begged him to take her back insisting she'd be a better gf to him, shed rock his world in bed etc....but he told her that he knew the only reason she was saying any of this was because she was jealous and if he did take her back shed treat him just as badly as she had before. He suspects that she would cheat on him when he was away because she would go weeks without calling or returning texts. he said he ended it because he was tired of it and the lack of communication just made it not worth it. He feels like she liked knowing he was in love with her but he doesn't think she was in love with him. He makes good money, she doesn't. he felt kinda used.

 

I admit I freaked out when I got this email. My boyfriend and I had a huge fight which resulted in me changing my status before discussing what we were going to do. He was hurt that Id believe it, I was livid because I couldn't understand why a girl would just make that up. Its crazy because I trust my boyfriend and I am hands down NOT a trusting person I have been through hell and its taken me years just to date again. We both were hurt by someone much older than us in our early twenties that kind of jacked us up for awhile and we kind of bonded over that. Because of that, he has pretty strict rules about exes and cheating and all that so this seems quite ludicrous to me. When hes on the rig hes working or on the phone with me. When he's home hes calling and texting every day too and hes one of those people thats too honest, like sometimes he'll tell me details that I'm just like, come on dude, LESS....so I cant envision him lying for months about a whole nother relationship that he has labeled as super out there and untrustworthy.

 

long distance is hard enough. Our next visit isn't until June, Ill be done with school and less stressed and Ill be able to take some days off work to just be with him. we were very excited about this. This whole thing has thrown me off. What was decided last night was that we would wait to see how things cool down. (This hit me in the middle of pms! no bueno!) He says he will do whatever it takes to show me he is trustworthy and if I can trust him then we can give this another go. I wish i could just take his word for it but isn't this wierd?????

[HHC]

So you're having a go at her for acting like a child, yet you changed your relationship status on facebook before even talking it out with him??

 

[Radu]

If you live in the US, i think hacking someone's account is against the law. Impersonating that person online after doing this could be considered identity theft.

 

Granted it's a tad farfetched and hard to prove but FB does keep info on who accesses what, what steps did he take to deal with this ?

[NOsuchthing]

So you're having a go at her for acting like a child, yet you changed your relationship status on facebook before even talking it out with him??

 

LOL fair enough! I said I admit I shouldn't have done that. I was caught very off guard by all this. Like I said I have had no reason to suspect him of anything....hes constantly communicating with me somehow and I just don't see where hed find the time.

 

 

Anyway, I found out it wasn't true. So now we are dealing with the aftermath...lack of trust etc. A part of me still wants to question because I have been majorly hurt in the past by someone else who was much older than me and very manipulative, but my gut tells me this was a lame chick trying to break us up. Thanks for reading guys.

[HHC]

LOL fair enough! I said I admit I shouldn't have done that. I was caught very off guard by all this. Like I said I have had no reason to suspect him of anything....hes constantly communicating with me somehow and I just don't see where hed find the time.

 

 

Anyway, I found out it wasn't true. So now we are dealing with the aftermath...lack of trust etc. A part of me still wants to question because I have been majorly hurt in the past by someone else who was much older than me and very manipulative, but my gut tells me this was a lame chick trying to break us up. Thanks for reading guys.

Everything says that he has been honest with you and has all along. That he communicates openly and freely with you. And that you broke his trust by believing his ex over him, after claiming you loved him.

 

I have trust issues myself, but you cannot and should not make this about your trust being rocked by this. There is no aftermath of lack of trust. There was no trust to begin with.

If anything, the aftermath of this is he doesn't trust you and your behaviour because you won't communicate with him and do childish games to make yourself feel better.

[NOsuchthing]

Everything says that he has been honest with you and has all along. That he communicates openly and freely with you. And that you broke his trust by believing his ex over him, after claiming you loved him.

 

I have trust issues myself, but you cannot and should not make this about your trust being rocked by this. There is no aftermath of lack of trust. There was no trust to begin with.

If anything, the aftermath of this is he doesn't trust you and your behaviour because you won't communicate with him and do childish games to make yourself feel better.

 

 

 

wow HHC, take a breath....and ease up.....

 

Am I justifying my initial freak out, no. But I think most people would be a little thrown off by an ex letting you know that they were still sleeping with your boyfriend or husband. Did I take it as Bible and believe it? Absolutely not, but did it put some doubts in my mind? Of course it did she lives in his state and Im all the way over here...I dont babysit...

 

There WAS trust. He goes out with friends when hes home, he stays out late and I dont bug him, if anything he checks on me. like I said, I have never had an issue with him before which is why this was so wierd. After calming down, we have worked it out and YES it has been discussed that he is hurt I didn't trust him more and we are working through that. That said, he says if my ex were to hit him up with something like that he probably would have responded the same way. We are both aware that in a relationship like this trust is all you have.

 

"childish games to make myself feel better". I love how this chick has hacked his email numerous times, hit his friends up for info, texts him, and now after all that didn't work, resorted to emailing me personally with lies, and I'm playing childish games because I got upset and changed my status. Which by the way was largely because it bothered me that she was obviously getting info on me from somewhere to the point where she was throwing out dates. In the moment I had no desire to be on his page in any way until I got to the bottom of it. Please, nothing made me feel better it was a super lame and draining night.

[Ellamay]

umm sorry to break it to you but it sounds like youre not even his main squeeze. How the heck did she "hack" into his facebook. he mustve given her the password.