ex-girlfriend

[Bobby]

Hey Tony and everyone. I posted here a good while back about my GF dumping me. It has been about 8 months since she dumped me. I was head over heels in love with her. We dated for 2 years and was even planning a future. She dumped me saying that she wants to go out with other guys to see what its like because im her first real BF and she didn't know what its like to see other guys. By the way, im 23 and she's 18. OK, i haven't talked to her in months. The last time we talked, we was argueing and i told her that i never wanted to talk to her again. She was also dating some guy at that same time. That was the last time i talked to her. I thought i finally got her out of my head. I feel alot better about myself than i have felt in a long time. Well, yesturday she called my house wanting to talk to me. I wasn't home when she called but my dad told her that he would tell me that she called. Ever since i found out that she called, i haven't stopped thinking about her. I do miss her alot and i do still have some feelings for her deep inside me. My guess to why she called would be because she misses me, possibly realizes that she messed up by dumping me. I haven't called her back yet. Another strange thing is, she called me during the day when she knows that i work during the day. Why would she call me when she knows im not home? I want to call her but im not sure if i should or not because if she does miss me and/or wants me back, i don't want to go through the heartbreak and head games again. I don't even know what to say to her if i do call her back. Should i just tell her that i was returning her call and see what she wants? I do still have feelings for her and have never had stronger feelings for any other girl. I was so very excited when i found out that she called for me yesturday. I want to play it cool but im not sure how to do it. I did decide that i would wait a day or 2 before i would call her back. Does anyone have any advise on this? Im not sure what to do about this. Im soo confused now. A part of me still loves her and wants to talk to her and another tells me that its not worth the time. OHHHHHH im so confused, somebody please help!!!!!! Why do i still love her?

[Paulie]

If you decide to call her back, the only piece of advice I would offer you is to be nice...but definitely don't admit to missing her, having residual feeling for her, and definitely don't let on to what you've been up to, who you're seeing (if anybody).

If she asks you directly anything personal (ex-if you've been with anybody, what you've been doing on the weekends, how you feel about her)...be somewhat elusive, but polite.

 

You don't want to let her test you to see if you still have feelings for her (which might be just for her own ego boost.)

 

Ultimately, you will decide on your own if you will call her back.

[Tony T]

Call her back and be friendly, but not overfriendly. My guess is that she has just broken up with somebody and wants you to help her tidy her social life before the next guy arrives, she just wants to see how you are doing, or she needs something from you...maybe someone's phone number, etc. So don't get all excited about this call.

 

When you call, have an outline prepared to you can keep a ten or 15 minute conversation going. Don't talk to her for a long time. That's what she wants. If you give her what she wants, you won't hear from her for another year.

 

Ask her how things have been going. If she starts talking about guys she dated or her broken heart, let her know real fast she should talk to a girlfriend about that, YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. Unless you want this girl for a buddy or a client in counselling, DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING RELATING TO OTHER GUYS SHE HAS DATED OR IS DATING. If she wants to tell you she's dating someone in particular, just wish her luck and change the subject.

 

DO NOT TELL HER YOU MISS HER. Do not talk about any of your feelings related to her, not even if she asks. In the event she does, tell her the two of you can talk about that sometime when you see each other in person...and move on with the conversation.

 

If at anytime, you become uncomfortable with the conversation, TELL HER YOU'VE GOT TO GO, THANK HER FOR CALLING, AND SAY GOOD-BYE.

 

There are many things you can talk about. Just catching

 

up with each other's lives may be interested, with the exception of the dating subject. Ask her about how certain of her friends are doing. Ask her about school or work. One question will lead to another and 15 minutes can go by quickly.

 

No matter what you do, don't talk to her more than 15 minutes and don't promise to call her back.

 

This girl is playing with you. You need to see exactly what game she is playing.

[Bobby]

ok, thanx for the info. I will call her when i get home from work today. I will let you know what she says. I will follow your advise exactly and see where it goes from there. Again, thanx for the info.

Call her back and be friendly, but not overfriendly. My guess is that she has just broken up with somebody and wants you to help her tidy her social life before the next guy arrives, she just wants to see how you are doing, or she needs something from you...maybe someone's phone number, etc. So don't get all excited about this call. When you call, have an outline prepared to you can keep a ten or 15 minute conversation going. Don't talk to her for a long time. That's what she wants. If you give her what she wants, you won't hear from her for another year. Ask her how things have been going. If she starts talking about guys she dated or her broken heart, let her know real fast she should talk to a girlfriend about that, YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. Unless you want this girl for a buddy or a client in counselling, DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING RELATING TO OTHER GUYS SHE HAS DATED OR IS DATING. If she wants to tell you she's dating someone in particular, just wish her luck and change the subject. DO NOT TELL HER YOU MISS HER. Do not talk about any of your feelings related to her, not even if she asks. In the event she does, tell her the two of you can talk about that sometime when you see each other in person...and move on with the conversation. If at anytime, you become uncomfortable with the conversation, TELL HER YOU'VE GOT TO GO, THANK HER FOR CALLING, AND SAY GOOD-BYE. There are many things you can talk about. Just catching up with each other's lives may be interested, with the exception of the dating subject. Ask her about how certain of her friends are doing. Ask her about school or work. One question will lead to another and 15 minutes can go by quickly.

 

No matter what you do, don't talk to her more than 15 minutes and don't promise to call her back. This girl is playing with you. You need to see exactly what game she is playing.