Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Background Story: Ex and I broke up after (about) a 5 year relationship. The relationship sucked and he was mentally abusive. He jumped into another relationship after two weeks of being apart and they're still together after the BU (almost a year ago). I started LC right after and moved to NC after a few months. So my Ex still texts me once a month with the same text message, just saying hey and hoping things are good and wanting to meet up. Sometimes he'll send me messages about how much he misses me and thinks about me all of the time. (Those texts absolutely get no response) A few months ago he went as far as to hit on me before I told him that it was inappropriate and and disrespectful to his girlfriend. He explained that jumping into a relationship was his was of "coping." So told him I really didn't care for him in that way anymore, wished him well and then started NC. He still texts me despite my lack of effort/interest in talking to him. What would you do/how would you feel if your ex still texts you often despite a lack of communication/emotion on your part? And what kind of behavior is this anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Continue to ignore. This behavior is generally known as "grasping for straws" and each time you acknowledge his text, you are giving him hope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Very true. If I do respond, it's very short and don't acknowledge any emotion or answer any of his questions or attempts to meet up. For the most, I've been ignoring him though. I just don't want to seem bitter by completely ignoring him all of the time, which is why I'll give a short response. But I can't understand how he won't take a hint by this point or even why he bothers anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Background Story: Ex and I broke up after (about) a 5 year relationship. The relationship sucked and he was mentally abusive. He jumped into another relationship after two weeks of being apart and they're still together after the BU (almost a year ago). I started LC right after and moved to NC after a few months. So my Ex still texts me once a month with the same text message, just saying hey and hoping things are good and wanting to meet up. Sometimes he'll send me messages about how much he misses me and thinks about me all of the time. (Those texts absolutely get no response) A few months ago he went as far as to hit on me before I told him that it was inappropriate and and disrespectful to his girlfriend. He explained that jumping into a relationship was his was of "coping." So told him I really didn't care for him in that way anymore, wished him well and then started NC. He still texts me despite my lack of effort/interest in talking to him. What would you do/how would you feel if your ex still texts you often despite a lack of communication/emotion on your part? And what kind of behavior is this anyway? Can you block his number? Change yours? Is there any way at all you can prevent yourself from even seeing the texts? As far as what kind of behavior it is, it's hard to say. Maybe trying to keep you on the back burner in case things don't work out. Or maybe it's his (unhealthy) way of dealing with the loss. Everybody responds differently and it's not always rational. For instance, my ex has been "anonymously" emailing me weird things and texting from different numbers. So I have to keep blocking new addresses and numbers. It's bizarre and I don't understand it, but what can I do other than ignore it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Oh wow, now that's really strange. To keep changing email addresses? I thought I had it bad. What's with these ex's and not giving up? I really don't prefer to change my number, and his texts don't bother me or cause me pain anymore. It's just been so long, and he's been with someone for this whole time and knows that I'm perfectly fine. I'd come out and say, hey stop texting me! But I don't want to seem like it's been as hard on me as it has been or that I hold any resentment towards him. I really like your advice though, just keep pretending like these texts don't exist until hopefully he resolves any issues he has and stops. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Can you block his number? Change yours? Is there any way at all you can prevent yourself from even seeing the texts? This is standard practice - i can't believe the OP hasn't taken measures to block him completely, already... As far as what kind of behavior it is, it's hard to say. he was abusive. Abusive people want to control. He's still trying to control her. judging by the fact that he can still contact her, he may be succeeding, without her realising that this is what it is..... The only way this will stop - is if the OP truly stops it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Well, I don't prefer to change my number. I feel like that's another way that he would control me by pushing me to do something I don't want to. Overall this doesn't bother me or cause me any pain. He texts have no affect on my emotional state. It's just a trend I've noticed and was wondering what other people would do/how to explain this behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Well, I don't prefer to change my number. I feel like that's another way that he would control me by pushing me to do something I don't want to. Overall this doesn't bother me or cause me any pain. He texts have no affect on my emotional state. It's just a trend I've noticed and was wondering what other people would do/how to explain this behavior. Ok, if it really does not bother you then good, you are further along than I am. It sounds like silence is your best option, either he will get bored or just think that you actually DID change your number. So it comes down to what you want; if you really want no contact, than do not contact him. (sounds like that is where you are ....). This is not meant to be insulting or anything, but are you absolutely sure there is not some small part of you that gets some satisfaction when a text from him shows up? That's an honest question about if you have truly moved on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Honestly, I'm torn. A part of me does feel a sense of happiness, and then part of me is annoyed that he still texts me. As much as our relationship sucked, it was almost 5 years and it ultimately turned into a platonic friendship towards the end. So when I do see a text, it reminds me that I actually did mean something to him and that he remembers me despite moving on so quickly. Also, I think the happiness is more me feeling like I have the upper hand. Since he left and got with someone else so soon, I sort of like feeling like I'm better off and he still feels the need to talk to me. But then part of me remembers how bat **** crazy he would get towards me and how bitter I felt when I found out that he replaced me within weeks. As much as I'm over these feelings, I feel that someone who can do something like that towards me doesn't deserve to be in my life anymore so I would like it to stop. I've found peace with the breakup though, because I was ready for it to end. I just wish it didn't take the turn it did once it was finally over. Then again that's not my concern since we were broken up. So I do have a little more to go in terms of fully getting over everything, but I'm mostly more annoyed when I see a text and feel better off without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 I also wanted to add that the only reason I'll give a short response anymore is that we have a lot of mutual friends and live in the same area. So I'll most likely see him around at some point and don't want to make it awkward for either of us or our friends, you know? Otherwise, I'd be perfectly happy to cut him out completely. (Although, I've practically done this already ) Link to post Share on other sites
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Honestly, I'm torn. A part of me does feel a sense of happiness, and then part of me is annoyed that he still texts me. As much as our relationship sucked, it was almost 5 years and it ultimately turned into a platonic friendship towards the end. So when I do see a text, it reminds me that I actually did mean something to him and that he remembers me despite moving on so quickly. Also, I think the happiness is more me feeling like I have the upper hand. See, I understand this. Completely. I am not over my ex, not yet. And even when I get weird, harrasing emails or texts there is a small part of me that feels the same way you do, that I actually did mean something to her. Plus it clashes with her claim to hate me so much since if she really did, then why bother. It's not all that healthy, I know that. You know that too probably. Maybe it's just that part of us that desires attention even if it's not the best kind. Anyhoo, don't beat yourself up over it. And if I were you I would contact altogether, don't make excuses about mutual friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Haha, you see right through me! No, thank you for being a voice of reason. I'll cut the tie even more but hopefully he'll stop being so persistent. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I also wanted to add that the only reason I'll give a short response anymore is that we have a lot of mutual friends and live in the same area. So I'll most likely see him around at some point and don't want to make it awkward for either of us or our friends, you know? Otherwise, I'd be perfectly happy to cut him out completely. (Although, I've practically done this already ) He's not your concern anymore since the relationship is over. Be cordial to the mutual friends, you don't need to keep him in your life unless you somehow are drawn to him and don't want to let him go completely. If you change your number, you won't get those messages from him...Is there a part of you that will miss that hence your not taking every measure to let go? He's texting you because you are answering. Think about that. And if you know he's going to be out and about with mutual friends, you don't have to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Well for the most part I'm not answering at all. The times that I do, are very short and to the point that I don't want to engage in conversation. For the mutual friends, its a given that I will run into them/and or him. We live in a small town, I've already seen them out numerous times without trying. Part of me feels that being somewhat civil to him will make for easier confrontations in the future. Like I said, his texting me doesn't bother me. He still texts even when I don't respond. Just wondering why he won't let it go when its obvious I'm not making an effort to have him in my life anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
dsw31 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Well for the most part I'm not answering at all. The times that I do, are very short and to the point that I don't want to engage in conversation. For the mutual friends, its a given that I will run into them/and or him. We live in a small town, I've already seen them out numerous times without trying. Part of me feels that being somewhat civil to him will make for easier confrontations in the future. Like I said, his texting me doesn't bother me. He still texts even when I don't respond. Just wondering why he won't let it go when its obvious I'm not making an effort to have him in my life anymore. TaraMaiden explained it perfectly!He won't let go because he was an ABUSER - he is looking for some sort of control! I'm glad you were able to get out of that relationship.Don't worry about what he thinks, just do whatever you need to do to always stay safe.You know him better than anyone one of us knows him. Link to post Share on other sites
dsw31 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Oh yeah-Gotta give CarrieT her credit too.He is definitely "grasping for straws"! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alabama277 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Yes, I totally agree. Thank you! He sucked during the relationship, so it's okay for me to suck now. I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I started keeping my ex's texts as evidence if I needed to go to the police. But once he finally stopped contacting me, I deleted them. My ex had decided that I was going to be in his life no matter what I said or how I felt. He wanted what he wanted, even though I was suffering...truly suffering and trying to heal. It was a little scary when he tried to force me to be his friend. I'm so glad that we absolutely have no contact with each other whatsoever. I hope that he continues to fixate on his new dysfunctional relationship (after getting out of the dysfuctional relationshp before that one), which was the sucessor to his other dysfunctional relationship, which was a rebound from his other dysfunctional relationship, which came after his other dysfunctional relationship, which came some time after his dysfunctional marriage, which came after his dysfunctional relationship before that. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Change your number. It's a good way to get rid of detritus. Link to post Share on other sites
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 (after getting out of the dysfuctional relationshp before that one), which was the sucessor to his other dysfunctional relationship, which was a rebound from his other dysfunctional relationship, which came after his other dysfunctional relationship, which came some time after his dysfunctional marriage, which came after his dysfunctional relationship before that. But maybe the next one will be better! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Yeah - the next one will be in CAPITALS!! Link to post Share on other sites
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