girlinlove2206 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Hi there, this is my first posting to the forum but im becomming so confused I feel that I need to tell somebody my situation. I have met the most amazing man, as soon as we met and know we had something special, and got on really really well, I kind of feel we are emotionally connected in some way. Anyway he is engaged to be married, and I know this but i have developed such strong feeling for him. Because of his situation I backed off and didnt text him but he would text me every weekend and I would really open up to him about my life and my problems. He is such a good listener that I feel I can tell him anything. He has said on many occasions that by having me in his life he is a happier person, and he knows i feel the same. Its gotten to the stage where he is waiting for his fiance to go to bed before he texts me. I fell asleep and didnt reply to his text one night and he text me again to check I was ok. The texting has become frequent and I see myself falling in love with him. I know this is wrong because he's in a relationship but i have never felt this connected to anyone before. This last week, after telling me he'd always be there for me if I needed him, I text him and the replies I got seemed 'abnormal' to say the least. Short answers, no questions etc. I got the impression he was trying to get rid of me. I think I may possibly be reading too much into this, but in the past if ive text and he's in a situation where he cant talk, he would explain that he couldnt text and that he'd text me later. I just feel like ive got to the point that i'm falling in love and i'm being given the brush off. Sorry for going on and I'm sure im probably just over reacting but all ive done this evening is cry my eyes out, so just wanted some words of advice as to what I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) How long have you known him? Where did you meet? Do you only text? How long has this texting been on for? Girlinlove, I don't want to burst your bubble, but your situation sounds like a lot of situations here. That is: some woman (usually) meets some man, they really do not know each other that well at all, he is in a relationship, she continues against her better judgment to cross the line with him, they have such a "strong connection" and she is falling in love...and then something happens that seems to upset the apple cart of her fantasies and makes her think twice about this situation, yet she is still hoping that the upsetting event is just minor and that they are inlove and it will go somewhere...then a long road of denial and drama ensues, usually leading in heartbreak and abandonment while this taken guy moves on with his life. He won't always be there for you....garbage. I've heard it before and like him, the taken guy who said this was not always there for me. In the midst of our communication we built up these fantasies and sweet nothings that lead nowhere, like you seem to be doing. When the shyt hits the fan and life gets real, his actual life and fiance are way more important than texting you. Trust me. He won't be there at the hospital with you if something happens, he won't be your shoulder to cry on, he won't be there with you on holidays especially if his fiance needs him. She will come first...you are the side fantasy that he has only when it is convenient: i.e. when his real woman is asleep. I'd suggest you cry your eyes out and cut him off. He is using you for attention and ego stroking on the side, for whatever reason (this is not cute hon or a connection, he has issues), but he certainly doesn't love you, won't always be there for you and this textship should not be confused with a real life, happy, healthy, loving relationship. Leave this cheater alone before you get deeper into this. Edited April 17, 2012 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Do you like being this guy's ego stroke? You like him more than you should, you allowed yourself to ignore the fact he is with someone and is getting married. RED FLAG. A man who is engaged who still needs another woman on the side just shows what type of man he truly is. He KNOWS you're into him and falling for him which is why he's backed off. This is on his terms.. He's realized that you want more and are getting attached to him so he could be distancing himself from you, nicely but subtle so you'll see that he is not lookin for a relationship. This guy should NOT be offering himself up to you like he has. He's in no position to do this, yet he does it anyway. Imagine you being his future wife..Then you find out when you go to bed your loving and dear fiancee is texting and woo'ing with another woman. How would you feel? Just saying to put yourself in her shoes for a moment. This guy could be YOUR fiancee one day and imagine him doing the exact same to you as he's doing to his current fiance. Nice eh? You deserve better and more but you'll never get it from him. It hurts and I'm sure you don't like being second fiddle..Problem is, when you try to 'date' a guy who is in a relationship/engaged/married, it's asking for pain and heartache. Can you tell him that you can't handle things anymore and end it? Do you want to end it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bellechica Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Girlinlove, get out while you can. You're already emotionally attached and it could get physical...... You need to find a single man. I know letting him go is hard, but the texting and talking is just going to get you deeper into him. Try to have images of him on his honeymoon loving his beautiful bride. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 The "I will always be there for you" line is code for "I have no intentions on leaving my fiance, but we can have fun once in a while." He's grooming you to accept second place if you are willing. All that aside, the bigger question you need to ask yourself is why you are doing this in the first place. Don't minimize the signals he is sending because they are loud and clear and you SHOULD be questioning them. Questioning whether or not you are willing to accept the terms. If you brush it off as if you're reading too much into them is minimizing your own self worth. It also means you are willing to enable him to disrespect his fiance. Is that what you want for yourself? You should step back before you get in any deeper because otherwise you are in for a world of hurt...hurt like you've never experienced before. My advice is to accept the signals as he isn't willing to leave her and would probably rather not go down this road. Respect that and move on by telling him you don't want to be a part of a triangle and to call you if he is ever completely free and available. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Consider yourself lucky that you are at the beginning of this affair. The brush off can be many things... He's come to his senses that he is cheating on his soon to be wife or he's so busy with her that he can't give you his time. Either way... be happy it's falling apart. I know it doesn't seem like a positive thing in your life but the pain of moving forward with this man will damage you. You can't deal with the issues now of him being distance... you wouldn't be able to deal with the heartache to come. Cut yours ties or tell him you care about him and you want a monogamous relationship with him. Those are your healthy choices. It you aren't looking for healthy choices I wish you the best with what's to come. I hope you have the strength to work through it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fallen16 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 GET OUT NOW! The pain and heartache if you fall in love with him is more than you can imagine! It may hurt now to end it, but the pain later can destroy you. You may believe he is different, we all do/did, they are all the same. Anyone who truly cares for you wouldnt put you in this situation. If you continue, you will learn what real loneliness feels like as you wait to hear from him or for him to find the time for you. He will never be there for holidays, birthdays, vacations or anytime she needs him. Once they have children, you will really take a backseat. Find a single man; one who will delight in showing you off and who will really be there when you need him. Yes, its exciting to text all the time and trust me he will always say all the right things. Afterall, his time with you is so limited you will only ever see the charming side of him. The pain later is not worth the excitement now. Not in the slightest. Please the hurt I feel, the tears i cry....I do not wish this on anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Girlinlove......if you decide to take the plunge and start an affair with this guy then get used to this type of behavior; it's the hot and cold roller coaster. People in committed relationships who have affairs are all lovey dovey one week and MIA (missing in action) the next week. From your post it's quite obvious that you are falling for this guy, so you're in no capacity whatsoever to have a fling with this guy. The only way to have him fall for you hard is to not reply his texts, or wait an hour before you do. Make an appointment to meet with him but cancel at the last moment. Ask him if he has hot single friends ....stuff like that. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I love the fact he told you how you felt. "he's happier with you in his life, and HE KNOWS you are too". JHC... that is the same crap that my xMM told me. Idk if half of the crap I "felt" for him wasn't placed there by him saying it. I'm with everyone else... Get out!! RUN! You know he is attached, don't justify it in your head because of the connection, or whatever. How do you think every single person that has gotten into an A or gotten hurt got there? By justification. What would you tell your friends if they told you this story? Would you tell them to stick around and be his back burner girl? Because thats all you are or will ever be. I'm not trying to be harsh, but its the truth. "he will always be there for you".... but make sure its between the hours of 10 and midnight because thats when his future W is asleep and he can text. Thats not ALWAYS being there, thats being there when it is convient for him, and he doesn't get busted. Don't be the back burner girl...you deserve to be someone's everything. You deserve someone who can truly ALWAYS be there for you... day and night....24/7/365. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 But even if she plays that game and it gets hot again, he's still going to walk down the aisle with his fiancé. Based on what the OP wrote, it's obvious she thinks they're "soul mates" and she wants it to be just like in the movies . . . he calls off the wedding. of course.......that part of my post was in jest, but also to give you an insight into the inner workings of his mind. He knows how to drive her crazy and keep her guessing, and that's all part of laying the groundwork to shatter her foundation and make her fall for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 You're absolutely right. He has her in tears right now. She's going to be over the moon when he contacts her again. YUP! She's in tears today.... wonder what he's up to? Think he's sitting around thinking of her or crying over the fact he has hurt her? Again, NOT trying to be harsh, just trying to be realistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 The only way to have him fall for you hard is to not reply his texts, or wait an hour before you do. Make an appointment to meet with him but cancel at the last moment. Ask him if he has hot single friends ....stuff like that. Why play that game? Her heart is in it..She's going to get MORE hurt if she does what you've suggested. Besides, this guy isn't going to fall for her..He's DISTANCED himself from her in a subtle way. Only thing falling for her is his ego. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Why play that game? Her heart is in it..She's going to get MORE hurt if she does what you've suggested. Besides, this guy isn't going to fall for her..He's DISTANCED himself from her in a subtle way. Only thing falling for her is his ego. Read the previous posts for an explanation Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinlove2206 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Thank you so much for all your replies, I know that you are all talking complete sense and if any of my friends were in this situation I know what i'd be saying to them. I guess i'm just not very good at practising what I preach. The funny thing is that when we first met, and had been texting for a while, he sent me a text saying maybe if was for the best if we didnt speak as he felt guilty about the whole situation. I said that was fine as I didn't want him to be worried about so situation, so that was that and I assumed I wouldn't hear from him again. I heard from him that same week! I just think that if he is having second thoughts, he's the kind of person to just come out and say it, thats why I find his recent behaviour so odd. I have come to the conclusion that I will not contact him again, if he contacts me, I will do my upmost not to reply. I don't ever want to experience heartbreak again, as i've been through too much of that. I think it may be time to just move on, as much as I dont want to Link to post Share on other sites
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