i am completely paranoid

[arcadia]

Okay, so about 3 months ago, I caught my boyfriend having cyber sex with a friend of his and talking about meeting up to hook up. Of course there were lots of problems surrounding this and he claims he never actually slept with the girl and that it was all just fantasy he had no intention of going through with.

I decided to stay with him for a number of reasons, and while it was hard, the whole nonsense seemed to bring us closer together and our relationship was happy again.

 

However.. i always had this little tinge of paranoia and sometime take things too seriously and assume they might mean something they don't. I have never said anything about them though. But then yesterday, this girl whom he used to see called. This girl used to call the house ALL the time, he would just ignore her calls until one day i got really mad and asked him to tell this girl to stop calling. He says he did and that he doesnt speak to her anymore.

 

so anyways, when this girl calls the house yesterday, i of course get that paranoid feeling again.. and do something i shouldnt have... i read his email. and felt really bad about it. but, when i did read it, i found 2 emails from her with pictures attached, but no description or note or anything. They weren't nude pictures, but they werent vacation pictures either. Just pictures of her standing there posing and smiling.

 

So at this point i still wasnt really terribly concerned.. but i decided to ask him about the emails anyways. I asked him if she had emailed him lately, and he told me that she had sent him fowarded emails only, but no personal emails and that he always deletes anything he sees with her name without reading it. Of course now i knrew that wasnt the truth.. she HAD send him 2 personal emails that day and he had read them. So i was pretty mad he was lying to me. I told him what i knew and he was forced to admit he lied. He said he didnt want to tell me because i would wonder why she was sending him pictures (which i DO wonder) and that he didnt want any conflict between us. He also reassured me that he isnt speaking to her at all.

 

but why would someone send pictures of themselves with no note attached to someone they havent spoke to in many months?

 

 

i am feeling so paranoid now that he is sneaking around behind my back.. i feel so stupid

[Bubbles]

Of course you should be feeling paranoid. That's called "women's intuition" listen to it.........Intuition is usually right!

 

Go with what that little voice inside your head is saying. No-one wants to be made a fool of. Hint: if he doesn't answer the phone when you are there and just lets it ring to go to voice mail.....it's because he answers the phone when you are NOT there. Otherwise why would she bother to call???

 

Don't be fooled! Eyes wide open!

 

Bubbles

[supermom]

I totally agree with Bubbles. You are not just being paranoid. He is not being a good bf, and the lying....I would kick him to the curb. This is the 2nd time?

 

You deserve better!

[dyermaker]

You read his e-mail, and then trapped him by asking questions you knew weren't as innocent as you played them off to be. Are you a member of law enforcement?

 

I would have lied too. My e-mail is mine, that's why there's a password on it. If you don't trust me to maintain the boundaries of a relationship without reporting back to you like you're my mother, you can go straight to the outbox.

 

Originally posted by supermom

You deserve better!

 

As does he.

 

I don't understand why people are ever in a relationship with someone they can't trust. It limits your investment, and is fair to neither.

[Miss_Behavin143]

TJ is probably gay.

 

 

Anyways, No matter whether it's wrong or right that you checked his email, if you haven't ever before, and he's given you a reason you felt like you NEEDED to check it to find out what was going on, it's not so bad. Don't get me wrong, no it's not good to nose into other people's privacy, but if you two have an intimate relationship together, and you have reason to believe he's cheating on you, and reading his email is the only way you can find out, you have every damn right to if you ask me.

 

Someone isn't going to send pictures, with no explanation or nothing to someone they haven't talked to in months. There may not have been an explanation with the email, but I can almost promise you.. he had an explanation and knew why he was getting those emails from her.

 

I'd kick him to the curb, and move on. You do deserve better than that. Next time a guy cheats on you (internet or in real life) instead of putting up with it, forgiving, and having trust issues, I'd move on and forget the a**h***. If they can't respect you enough to stay dedicated to you once, you can about guarantee they aren't going to stay dedicated to you and only you again.

[XNemesisX]

Ditto.

 

You are not being paranoid at all...your wondering about this and being skeptical just shows you are not a DUMBIE!!

 

I have had a similar situation as you where my bf was being very shady and keeping contact with one of his exes behind my back and lying about it. I can assure you that your gut instinct is probably right. We girls just KNOW when something just doesn't add up!! Did you confront him about how he lied? I know it is hard to break up with someone you really care about, and denial is a way of protecting ourselves from the hard truth, or trying to make ourselves believe we are just being "paranoid" because we don't want to face the reality. It's a great defense mechanism.

 

Getting into someone's email is not a horrible crime when high probability of shadiness and cheating is involved. Sometimes we just have to see things with our own eyes before we really whole heartedly believe that gut instinct is not mere paranoia. If you have nothing to hide, what difference would it make if your SO saw your email? And with this guy, its not like your suspicion was uncalled for as he had a history of being shady.

 

Have you confronted him about the email lie???