How do I understand where he's coming from?? He just answers I don't know!

[Peeko]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. About 5 years ago he broke up with his ex who is now married. I see no reason for him to keep old pictures of her around any longer as they are not friends and told him it bothered me because we are going to get married. However, I understand I cannot control him, or force him to do anything and it's his choice, and I want it to be his choice. I just wanted to know the reason that he was so attached to the pictures, if he claimed to be over the person. When I suggested maybe it's time to get rid of them and move on, he became very defensive, which made me wonder what he needed them for. I guess for me, memories are more than enough, but I want to know why they aren't for him. My big question is WHY? I really want to understand where he's coming from. He said I don't know. This confuses me, because I can't understand why when you are over the person, you can't get over a stupid picture. He is very emotionally attached to them. I know he's over her, so that's why I'm confused. I didn't pressure him to throw them away and I let the issue go, although it did bother me inside. Later on, he brought it up and promised me he would toss them because they didn't matter. He said, I'll at least toss the one's of me and my ex together. He even explained to me in detail that he sorted them out and threw them away. That made me feel better, but the other day, I came across the whole stack of them in one of our empty drawers. One's of them kissing, and in other intimate settings. I became upset over them, but mainly because he lied after he promised me he threw them out. I'm really getting frustrated over this and I don't know what to do? I don't understand his obsession over keeping these pictures, especially because we are going to be married! My big question is WHY? WHY would you lie, and WHY do you need pictures of her? I confronted him, and we just got into the same arguement over it. I just can't rationalize this! I want to get through this and over it. It's not so much the pictures I care about, but I want to know where he's coming from but he just says I don't know. Any suggestions?

[Moose]

I'd say he still needs to get over her. Even though he says he is, don't take for granted that he actually is. Eventually he'll get rid of them, just have patience.

 

Good Luck

Moose

[moimeme]

I have pictures of all my exes and I would not be happy at all if some fellow insisted I got rid of them. I don't look at them often - maybe once every five years - but they are a record of MY LIFE and, as such, are valuable to me. I don't long for the people. The pictures do not have any feelings attached - those days are gone and those people don't mean anything to me that should threaten anybody.

 

I figure people who are afraid of someone's photos of their exes are that way because they fear their partners still long for those exes. Newsflash: they could still long for those exes without photos so wanting them to get rid of the photos is pointless.