starla33 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 guy talking about sex on the first 2 dates or sending you emails that come off a bit sexual is a red flag right? I assumed if I was going for older guys this would not be an issue, but apparently it is not the case as older guys do this as well. ARG I'm looking for a relationship not some ass.
Author starla33 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Um, yeah. Not too smooth in my opinion. I made it VERY clear im looking for a relationship and this guy on the first date started talking about sex....and now has been sending me really flirty somewhat sexual innuendo emails. I mean it's hot and all, but doesn't seem like BF material to me.
nessaaa Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I made it VERY clear im looking for a relationship and this guy on the first date started talking about sex....and now has been sending me really flirty somewhat sexual innuendo emails. I mean it's hot and all, but doesn't seem like BF material to me. What does he say?
loversquarrel Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 He's trying to see what he can get and apparently didn't get it when you were clear to him as to what you were looking for. Guys perspective here - he's looking for azz. If he was looking for a relationship, he would be more of a gentleman with his flirting and show you more respect. He would also be geared toward trying to get to know you. So....what you have is one of two things - a "fun" guy or a creep, but you think its hot so i'm going to go with fun guy. Most likely not a stick-arounder.
dasein Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Not much to be said without specific examples. I'm very forward on early dates, but subtly, women love it based on the results. In the past, before being more forward, my early dates were much more clinical and less interesting, second date was a coin toss. Now, second and further dates are a given. Of course there is a line between heavy flirtation and rudeness, not suggesting rude, crass, disrespectful talk. Truthfully haven't had any women respond unfavorably, but if one did, and didn't claim heavy religious beliefs, would attribute it to her being too agenda driven and not sexy enough to be worth my time. 2
westrock Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Is this the same guy you posted about recently that was texting you saying you were lazy because you don't work out as much as he does, or is this someone else?
somedude81 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I made it VERY clear im looking for a relationship and this guy on the first date started talking about sex....and now has been sending me really flirty somewhat sexual innuendo emails. I mean it's hot and all, but doesn't seem like BF material to me. Well it seems to be working.... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 It seems to me that the guys who take a long time to bring it up are... probably just hiding their real feelings and desires, to be polite. Personally, I want a man who enjoys sex a lot, and a man who's attracted to me. If both of those things are true, he's not going to dance around the subject. He's going to be pretty clear about his desires in a respectful way. 2
somedude81 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 It seems to me that the guys who take a long time to bring it up are... probably just hiding their real feelings and desires, to be polite. Personally, I want a man who enjoys sex a lot, and a man who's attracted to me. If both of those things are true, he's not going to dance around the subject. He's going to be pretty clear about his desires in a respectful way. Ms. Ruby, I want to bang you, respectfully. -Gentleman in your avatar 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Ms. Ruby, I want to bang you, respectfully. -Gentleman in your avatar Any time you got nothing to do - and lots of time to do it - come on up. -Mae West
Andy_K Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 As dasein and Ruby said... a guy wanting sex is normal. You just need to be looking for the ones that don't *only* want sex. If he's at least being respectful about it, you're fine. I find the less forward I am, the less interesting my dates are and the less likely it is that I'll get further dates. Spending the entire date 'getting to know each other' and be good bf material most often results in no connection/chemistry.
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Having an 'agenda' is ok. You are looking for a relationship. Nothing wrong with that. If you aren't a 'lets f*ck and see if we like each other later' kind of person, then naturally, you will expect the person to show other things about their personality besides their love of sex. Especially if you are a person who finds sex with strangers boring... He sounds alot like 'Mr. Simplify' on another recent thread... the ones who are acting all like Rico-Suave. Yawn. One way to find out about Mr. Sexy talk. Wait for sex. If he's not looking for a relationship, he'll be gone. No worries.
oaks Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I made it VERY clear im looking for a relationship and this guy on the first date started talking about sex.... Would sex be part of the relationship? Just saying...
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Would sex be part of the relationship? Just saying... Well, if it doesn't by date 3, then I guess some guys assume 'no', lol.
sid3 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 guy talking about sex on the first 2 dates or senditng you emails that come off a bit sexual is a red flag Yeah its really lame. He must be quite the ladies man. There's plenty of ways he could of fanned the flames without having to talk about sex.
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 ... speaking of fanning the flames... I'm thinking of two men who did just that, who weren't conventionally physically attractive either. It was they way the touched me when we talked, their level of attention and focus. Not creepy. Not intrusive. Not pushy. Just confident. MMM MMM MMM
irc333 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Yeah, if it's 2 dates in, that's just his way of flirting....if he never did the innuendo thing with you ....you'd probably just wind up friend zoning him, and he doens't want that. Having an 'agenda' is ok. You are looking for a relationship. Nothing wrong with that. If you aren't a 'lets f*ck and see if we like each other later' kind of person, then naturally, you will expect the person to show other things about their personality besides their love of sex. Especially if you are a person who finds sex with strangers boring... He sounds alot like 'Mr. Simplify' on another recent thread... the ones who are acting all like Rico-Suave. Yawn. One way to find out about Mr. Sexy talk. Wait for sex. If he's not looking for a relationship, he'll be gone. No worries. 1
Emilia Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 guy talking about sex on the first 2 dates or sending you emails that come off a bit sexual is a red flag right? I assumed if I was going for older guys this would not be an issue, but apparently it is not the case as older guys do this as well. ARG I'm looking for a relationship not some ass. By the same token, if he wasn't doing this you would be posting here asking whether he only sees you as a friend. Men who realise they must stay out of the friendzone will show strong interest early on and it's a fair call in my opinion. 2
Emilia Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I've lighty touched a woman a few times on a first date and biy did she not like it. I don't touch women on first dates even now. Is it creepy and intrusive to merely touch a woman? You should judge her body language. You should sit closer, lean in, see if she follows your example. If she mirrors your body language, she is interested. If she sits upright and keeps her distance, she isn't. 1
Emilia Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Yeah, if it's 2 dates in, that's just his way of flirting....if he never did the innuendo thing with you ....you'd probably just wind up friend zoning him, and he doens't want that. ^^^^ bingo
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think we need to define 'talking about sex'... Just like the touching thing... there is a way to be flirty and let someone know you find them attractive without talking about sex. Talking about SEX = gotta put out ASAP or I'm heading for the hills. I might 'do' him if I were desperate enough... but he wouldn't be relationship material.... which is probably exactly what he has in mind if he's talking about sex right off the bat. Caveat emptor and all that.
Emilia Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I don't know how unless she makes it obvious. Some will talk to me and the conversation will be good, but she's sitting up straight, I guess. Maybe she's leaning in a bit. I don't know! I'm not too perceptive. I'm scared to touch unless she says it's ok. After bad experiences I don't want to be accused of harassment. Let her initiate to touch you, a lot of people are naturally tactile anyway especially women. You just have to sit close enough and lean in - showing you are really listening to what she is saying - to give her the opportunity. The way you learn is by practice 1
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I don't know how unless she makes it obvious. Some will talk to me and the conversation will be good, but she's sitting up straight, I guess. Maybe she's leaning in a bit. I don't know! I'm not too perceptive. I'm scared to touch unless she says it's ok. After bad experiences I don't want to be accused of harassment. I'd recommend taking some dance lessons. That should give you some confidence about how to touch women confidently and securely. Lots of practice and 'feedback' is good too. Sometimes it just takes lots of dating to get that. Sounds like you are getting dates though. That's great!
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