KaraBlund Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 So I have a situation with a really good guy friend. We've known each other for almost 4 years now, and up until recently he's been in a relationship. After he got out of the relationship, our friendship changed and we started hanging out a lot more and becoming really close. All of our mutual friends have started asking if we're together and insisting something is going on with us. Well a few weeks ago after a few drinks, we were laying together talking and he asked if I had ever thought about taking our relationship further. We talked about it, and ended up kissing and cuddling all night. Now, since then we've been spending a couple nights a week together and we hook up (no sex yet). But its getting to the point where if we continue this it will happen. I was never attracted to him before, but I do really trust him and have enjoyed the last few weeks with him. He promises I won't get hurt and our friendship won't suffer, but it still worries me. He's definitely pushing towards sleeping together and says he wants it to be fun and casual. He has no problem finding girls to hook up with, and I would hope he wouldn't be interested in using me for sex after such a long friendship.. My question is, should I let this continue or should I quit before it gets any further? What do you think his intentions with this might be? Any insight would be appreciated, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
HellyaImhopeless Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 So by him asking if you want to take this relationship further, he means friends with benefits since he wants it to be fun and casual, at the same time he doesn't wanna hurt you. I'd say you will end up getting hurt if you have feelings for him. In what way were you not attracted to him before? Physically or mentally? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaraBlund Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 So by him asking if you want to take this relationship further, he means friends with benefits since he wants it to be fun and casual, at the same time he doesn't wanna hurt you. I'd say you will end up getting hurt if you have feelings for him. In what way were you not attracted to him before? Physically or mentally? Both. I always viewed him as a friend, and never saw it as more than that. But over the last few weeks I can't figure out if I'm just going with the hooking up because of curiosity, or if I am starting to feel more. What it boils down to, I'm scared of the consequences that can occur in terms of our friendship now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaraBlund Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Anyone else? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Since he's just left a relationship, it really sounds like you're a rebound to him since he didn't get close until after the relationship ended. It doesn't seem like he's willing to commit to a relationship but still wants all the benefits from one. It's a decision that you have to make yourself, but I don't see a healthy relationship arising from it unless his true intentions are an actual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaraBlund Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Well, we ended up sleeping together this weekend. So I guess we will see what happens now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Dont sleep with him, youre just going to be the rebound girl. If he hasnt spoken of exclusivity its because hes not interested. Ive screwed up long term friendships by sleeping with the guy before. It will never be the same, and someone is going to end up getting hurt or disrespected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaraBlund Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Dont sleep with him, youre just going to be the rebound girl. If he hasnt spoken of exclusivity its because hes not interested. Ive screwed up long term friendships by sleeping with the guy before. It will never be the same, and someone is going to end up getting hurt or disrespected. Unfortunately its too late, as one thing led to another and we slept together a few nights ago. So far things are fine, and I have decided not to do it again for fear of what will happen to the friendship. Hopefully him and I will be okay from here. But we'll see I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 i wish OP the best 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Vizier Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Hi Kara, Well since you've both known each other for almost 4 years now, there should be a firm foundation between you two. No doubt things have changed now and that you have taken things further does make the future of your relationship with him murky. But you should have a fairly good sense of the kind of person that he is. The things he has done, the way he has treated other people should give you a rough gauge of how things may turn out with you. For me, I have always preferred a cautious approach. Knowing how things turn out before they do gives me the insights I need to know if I should proceed or not. It also helps me to better prepare for the specific challenges that may arise. In your case, I would say a forecast of 6 months down the road between you and him should suffice to show whether you should carry on with him or take measures now to end things in a cordial manner to preserve the friendship. That said, I do hope that things will work out well between you and him. 4 years is a fairly long time and it would be a shame for the friendship to end due to mistakes that could have been easily avoided with some foresight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaraBlund Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Thank you all for the advice and well wishes Link to post Share on other sites
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