Anyone else find going NC rude/immature?

[confusedinkansas]

One added thing about what many BS's preach about here - BLOCK THEM

 

I'll just add -

You can't block from everything in the world.

I have a twitter account & rarely look at it - only have it to keep up with what my kids & their friends are doing & a few celeb's. I just checked it the other day & he was following me - I deleted it & blocked him from that.

I also have linkedin - he's been checking my page there too.

 

So you see - once you have an affair partner - Ex or otherwise. If they want to still peek in on you, in whatever aspect they choose, they can still do it.

 

Also, when you live in a big/small town you just MAY bump into that person. That's happened to me too - three times actually.

You just pick yourself up by your underoos & get on with YOUR life. You can't worry about them. You can't be bothered with what they're doing in life.

 

BTW - I post here not only to maybe give insite on what I've learned from my past - but also to remind MYSELF of how far I've come - BTW: thanks jwi71.

 

PS Yes, you could be a total bitch & tell them to EF off when they contact you - BUT, do you really want to open that can of worms? I don't

[Owl]

It's called "setting a boundary". Telling them "eff off" often is the only way to get them to stop trying to contact you. It's often the best way to get the message across to them and to the BS that the xWS's focus is now on the marriage and not on the affair partner.

 

And you're right...they can always "find a way" to get in if they're bound and determined.

 

But...it's still nothing but wise to block all the easy, obvious avenues of approach rather than just leave them open and let them WALK in without any effort whatsoever.

 

Not blocking them also sends the message that you're still willing to let them continue to contact you...which would explain WHY you still get periodic contact attempts, CIK.

 

He's STILL not gotten the message.

 

Not that I'm telling you to change...that's up to you to decide.

 

Just pointing out where I think going full blown NC is still a requirement for most folks...and how blocking them is the BEST way (albeit not the only way) to get there. Along with an "eff off" email if needed sometimes.

[2sunny]

He's trying to bait you and hook your attention!

 

Mainly because IF you respond in ANY way - its his ego feed!

 

If you don't respond - he will likely use bigger bait! Like an accident he had or some emergency so that he gets you to interact with him on any level...

 

Don't react.

[skylarblue]

I don’t understand the big deal about letting someone know you want NC. I understand if you’ve already requested NC, but (as the thread stated) to just drop off without warning? If anything, it leaves no room for confusion and draws a solid, definitive line.

[MissBee]

I don’t understand the big deal about letting someone know you want NC. I understand if you’ve already requested NC, but (as the thread stated) to just drop off without warning? If anything, it leaves no room for confusion and draws a solid, definitive line.

 

I agree. It's not so much about being "decent", as it helps you out a lot more IMO when you tell them what it is, as they have no room to be confused or uncertain about what's going on and it will decrease them trying to contact you.

[pureinheart]

The ONLY time NC becomes a game is one is doing it and it is not for the intention of what it should be... to remove that person from your life. If NC is done in a way to leave a door open, make some realize what they have lost, make someone jealous, cover their ass, or anything else other than just plain and simply shutting someone out of your life who is toxic...then it is a game.

 

Very well said!

[confusedinkansas]

I ignored mine for the better part of a year initially. (this whole thing began 7+ years AGO)

3 1/2 years ago was the final final - end!

 

Since then he's popped in & out My husband knew about it & his advice all along was just to ignore him, he'll go away. LOL!!! Didn't quite work out like that.

 

It got annoying so I finally answered the emails it was more of a ...What Do You Want - Why Are You Still Emailing Me -kind of thing.

We'd exchange a few emails & then PooF!! He was gone again. It's his typical M.O.

 

He did finally answer the proverbial WHY -

 

Brace yourself............He was looking for a distraction!

I made it very clear that he was barking up the wrong tree. I no longer was interested .......yadda yadda yadda.

That was back in Novemberish - He's emailed since then 3 other times. I've not answered.

 

The point to this post is - It doesn't matter if you ignore some. They don't get it. They keep trying & trying & trying. I'm convinced even if we had "The Talk" he'd still not get it.

[Owl]

That's why "ignoring" them isn't a good, solid boundary.

 

Informing his wife of his continued attempts at rekindling the affair would be a good, solid boundary.

[confusedinkansas]

You might be right Owl -

I guess I just think the ignore button should work - Hell, I'd get it.

Loud & clear. No mistakes. I got it every time he put me on Ignore. Didn't contact him again until he started emailing me. As I said his M.O. is to talk & then disappear for a while.

However, I guess I would have thought "I'm Not Interested in Being Your Distraction" would have worked too.

It takes all kinds.

 

And - He doesn't have a wife -

[wannabdone]

That's why "ignoring" them isn't a good, solid boundary.

 

Informing his wife of his continued attempts at rekindling the affair would be a good, solid boundary.

 

 

Agreed. But, you must also be careful with this. I tried this avenue and he has her so snowed it only opened up a bigger can of worms.

[spice4life]

You might be right Owl -*

I guess I just think the ignore button should work - Hell, I'd get it.*

Loud & clear. No mistakes. I got it every time he put me on Ignore. Didn't contact him again until he started emailing me. As I said his M.O. is to talk & then disappear for a while.*

However, I guess I would have thought "I'm Not Interested in Being Your Distraction" would have worked too.

It takes all kinds.*

 

And - He doesn't have a wife -

 

Agreed. But, you must also be careful with this. I tried this avenue and he has her so snowed it only opened up a bigger can of worms.

 

Confusedinkansas and wannabedone, LOL! I guess it all boils down to the type of person you are involved with. In some cases you just can't win no matter what you do.

[Snow-white]

I think it is rude. Two people who once loved each other should talk to each other. At least that everyone gets closure or if there might be chances. To me, NC is a game. I would prefer a talk like "I don't love you anymore, you hurt me, it is over."

[TakeMeasIam]

yeah, but unfortunately, some people need a brick over the head before they get the message.

I had to take out a restraining order against my ex-husband, because he was becoming a real liability at where I worked.

It took a Court order and a stern talking to from a Police Officer to get him to quit being a jerk.

And he was the cheater, I might add - though I dumped him, you understand.....

[Spark1111]

I think it is rude. Two people who once loved each other should talk to each other. At least that everyone gets closure or if there might be chances. To me, NC is a game. I would prefer a talk like "I don't love you anymore, you hurt me, it is over."

 

And would that include the BS on the line with you two?