Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 So today I decided to finally put up a profile. I work with young adults, so I wrote it all out and sat back, not expecting many responses (without profile pics). Well, they've been pouring in and now I feel awkward. What if I send these guys my pics and they don't like them? Ego-crusher. I would much prefer to put up pics so that men could get the whole picture (pun intended) before writing to me, but the fact that I work with the public makes me feel uneasy about this. Any ideas on how to resolve this problem? Ps: please do not turn this into a soapbox in which to vent your on-line dating woes. I'm looking for very specific advice about my situation here. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Depending on the website, you can either make your pictures private or you can make your profile only viewable to members of the website. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 One of my best pictures and by best I mean successful was a picture I took of myself and put a bag over my head...I did have pictures of myself inside though and my profile was worded witty.. I think you should at least put one picture up to alleviate the guy not liking your profile and you feeling hurt by that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I work in the public and had no problem having a profile with pictures. I'm not sure why you're concerned...? Which site are you using? eH allows you to only allow those with pictures up to view yours, or only after a certain point. And it helps that people can't search for you; rather, you're matched. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Take a few in an outfit you don't wear that often but looks good and chop the head off. At least people will get an idea of your body type and it will cut down on guys who prefer something else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 As long as your profile reads female you will get messages. Since your profile is detailed it may help you get messages from like minded individuals. If they don't like your picture when you decide to show it - big deal. On to the next. It's ok you don't want your picture but I will advise you if reply to a message or send one out attach your picture to eliminate wasted time. Good luck Kam! Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Kamille, why worry about guys liking or not? There's no investment in them so their opinions are irrelevant. Don't know if you recall. Back when, even though I was already with my H., I wanted to test the purported ravings from men on LS that women MUST put up pics to get responses. So, with H's knowledge and amused acknowledgement, I too tested an online dating site with solely a profile, no pics and no real name. The responses also came pouring in. So it's pure malarkey that you MUST put up pics with online dating sites. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Why can't you show yourself in pictures and why do you think guys would be disappointed if you send them pics? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 I work in the public and had no problem having a profile with pictures. I'm not sure why you're concerned...? Which site are you using? eH allows you to only allow those with pictures up to view yours, or only after a certain point. And it helps that people can't search for you; rather, you're matched. I stand in front a 100 20 something men, many of whom have their laptop in class. I'm just really not comfortable with it. Although, I guess I don't each until September. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 So you're afraid that one of your students will find out that you are doing online dating? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 So you are afraid that one of your students will find out that you do online dating? Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 you are not a local celebrity or news anchor. There are lots of women who interacts with 100s men in public daily basis. Maybe it's something to do with insecurity? What's wrong for being on a dating website unless it's adultfriendfinder or sugardaddy thing? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I'd say you have to be proactive and be the one that reaches out- that way you can attach pictures when you send a message. Not sure what dating site you are using, but if you're comfortable reaching out- I think this would be your best option:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Funny, in real life most people understand why I would want to keep it private. Well, at least my colleagues do. Anyway, I put up a public pic of me where you see me from pretty far, and have added, as per ThaWholigan's suggestion, some pics that I will keep private. Now, I only need to figure out how to use the "private pic" function. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Funny, in real life most people understand why I would want to keep it private. Well, at least my colleagues do. Anyway, I put up a public pic of me where you see me from pretty far, and have added, as per ThaWholigan's suggestion, some pics that I will keep private. Now, I only need to figure out how to use the "private pic" function. Uncheck the "Show On Profile" box Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Maybe you should put up the picture that is the size of D-Lish above. I can tell she is pretty cute and has a nice body from that little picture sorry if I am wrong lol Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Just post some pictures of you blocking out your face...give them something to base their attraction off of. However you're likely just going to need to put an actual picture up, there's nothing wrong with you being on an online dating site, It's not a sin and If the guys in your class see your picture up there they've already seen you in real life, It's not like they don't know what you look like already. Otherwise just email men your pictures and tell them your situation, these days though most people have pics up, personally I wouldn't message someone without one...but it looks like you're getting a lot of replies as it is, are they guys you're interested in? The funny thing is once people get to know each other they are less likely to be critical of looks, so I think If you're talking to someone that you really have chemistry with they are less likely to turn you down based on looks unless you're really out of their range of what they are into physically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 I'd say you have to be proactive and be the one that reaches out- that way you can attach pictures when you send a message. Not sure what dating site you are using, but if you're comfortable reaching out- I think this would be your best option:) I am. That was orginally what I was planning to do. I guess I just had a moment when I felt overwhelmed. It's the second time I try OLD. The last time, the initial attention made me feel flustered and I never finished my profile. Again, I don't think I ever got around to even putting up pics. (A friend of mine had designed the site and I wanted to see what it felt like). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Uncheck the "Show On Profile" box Done. So how do I give people access to the private pics? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Done. So how do I give people access to the private pics? when you send someone you like a message, it gives you the option to attach pictures to the message, and also when you are replying to a message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 when you send someone you like a message, it gives you the option to attach pictures to the message, and also when you are replying to a message. Problem solved. Thanks everyone and thank you TW for the technical advice . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Good luck my pretty... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 [sits back] I will finally understand what all the fuss is about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Funny, in real life most people understand why I would want to keep it private. Well, at least my colleagues do. Anyway, I put up a public pic of me where you see me from pretty far, and have added, as per ThaWholigan's suggestion, some pics that I will keep private. Now, I only need to figure out how to use the "private pic" function. I understand why you would want to keep it private. I became all self-conscious whenever I was out, after adding to my profile last year (once I rediscovered it). I was checked out in a restaurant, in bookstores, in grocery stores, but nobody approached. I ducked behind a shelf of cards at one point, wondering if the guy at the laptop in Borders (who was looking at me), was on OKCupid. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 So today I decided to finally put up a profile. I work with young adults, so I wrote it all out and sat back, not expecting many responses (without profile pics). Well, they've been pouring in and now I feel awkward. What if I send these guys my pics and they don't like them? Ego-crusher. I would much prefer to put up pics so that men could get the whole picture (pun intended) before writing to me, but the fact that I work with the public makes me feel uneasy about this. Any ideas on how to resolve this problem? Ps: please do not turn this into a soapbox in which to vent your on-line dating woes. I'm looking for very specific advice about my situation here. I definitely would screen out the guys who messaged you without a pic. I was once on Match.com and wrote a hasty profile just so I could check out a woman my friend told me to check out. In my haste, I put female instead of male, but anyone who read my profile for more than 30 seconds could easily tell I was a male. I got a bunch of messages from men. Like 25 in the month I had it up. Probably also cuz I'm short they thought I was a woman. And as for the bolded ... yes it is an ego crusher. Big time. I can sympathize with why you don't want to do that. But that's what guys have to go through every time they message a woman, and more or less every time they show an interest in a woman. I tried to resist writing that last paragraph. I really did. Link to post Share on other sites
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