He needs time to think things through???

[soupergirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 year. we're both in our mid 20s and we only see each other once or twice a week due to work and we live 45mins away from each other.

 

A month ago, we had a argument on the phone and he broke up with me and stopped talking. 2 days after the fight, we talked on the phone again and he told me that he's not happy with everything that's going on and told me he needed some time to think things through. I asked him if he'll be dating other girls and he said no so I agreed on his need of space because I need it to because I am also not happy with what's going on.

 

 

it's been over 2 weeks since we've talked and I texted him last week saying "I really hope we couid talk and make things clear" but I haven't received a reply from him.

 

What do you mean by this? Is he ignoring me? Could this be the end of our relationship? what should I do?

[Laveli]

Sorry to say, mine ended just like that. I would say remain NC and see if he responds.

[GaelicSoul]

He is a guy. Now that you have contacted him, he will contact you in time, when he is ready.

 

You have been together for 2 years. Believe me, he has not forgotten you. Just give him space and time to process his thoughts right now. We men do not like being pressurized or forced into making decisions. If you do not hear from him in the next week, I would be very surprised. Do not contact him again.

[soupergirl]

He is a guy. Now that you have contacted him, he will contact you in time, when he is ready.

 

You have been together for 2 years. Believe me, he has not forgotten you. Just give him space and time to process his thoughts right now. We men do not like being pressurized or forced into making decisions. If you do not hear from him in the next week, I would be very surprised. Do not contact him again.

 

Thanks! I'll just remain NC for now. This is actually the 2nd time that we broke up and got together after 2 months.

 

His mom called me 2 weeks ago and told me that I should hold on to him because he's probably having problems and it has nothing to do with me. I don't know, I'm kinda confused about that.

[GaelicSoul]

Yes us men are sometimes stubborn creatures, and when we are confused or need to think about things we tend to shut off, and just want to be left alone so we can think about things, and deal with it our own way. When a man says "I don't want to talk about it" He really means it. Don't take it personal, we just need women to respect us and give us that time to think about things. As i have grown, i have learned to talk about things now with people, instead of bottling it all up. I know you love him and miss him, he feels the same. But he needs some time to himself now.

 

What was the argument about? Have any major things changed between you both recently?

[D-Lish]

In my experience, when a guy tells you he needs some space it's best to give it to him. It may be the end of things, he may actually just need the space to figure things out. Regardless, going against his wishes for solitude will only serve to annoy him if he's asked to have his wishes respected and you don't do that.

 

It's tough to remain silent when all you want to do is to sort things out- but you have to keep in mind that by reaching out to him you are doing so to appease your own needs, and therefore aren't respecting his wishes and boundaries.

 

In wanting to appease your own need for contact with him, you'll likely push him further away.

 

Respect his wishes, give him the space he has asked for.

 

His mother may have good intentions, but she shouldn't be your reason for pushing something on him he isn't ready to talk about.

 

Believe me, if you do respect his wishes, he'll in turn respect you more.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know it's tough to feel so helpless, just hang in there.

[soupergirl]

Yes us men are sometimes stubborn creatures, and when we are confused or need to think about things we tend to shut off, and just want to be left alone so we can think about things, and deal with it our own way. When a man says "I don't want to talk about it" He really means it. Don't take it personal, we just need women to respect us and give us that time to think about things. As i have grown, i have learned to talk about things now with people, instead of bottling it all up. I know you love him and miss him, he feels the same. But he needs some time to himself now.

 

What was the argument about? Have any major things changed between you both recently?

 

He was supposed to hang out with me on my only weekend off last month but he hung out with his friend all day instead and that really upset me.

 

I work 2 jobs and I get really stressed out with work. I'm trying to save money so I don't have to work as hard and to feel financially safe in the future if we get married. I also get upset and disappointed on how he spends way too much time and money on his car and complains about not having money. He's suppose to save money this year to pay off his bills and get a place but it seems that he gets distracted so easily by his car (buying parts and other stuff). It seems like his car is a never ending project.

[GaelicSoul]

He was supposed to hang out with me on my only weekend off last month but he hung out with his friend all day instead and that really upset me.

 

I work 2 jobs and I get really stressed out with work. I'm trying to save money so I don't have to work as hard and to feel financially safe in the future if we get married. I also get upset and disappointed on how he spends way too much time and money on his car and complains about not having money. He's suppose to save money this year to pay off his bills and get a place but it seems that he gets distracted so easily by his car (buying parts and other stuff). It seems like his car is a never ending project.

 

Cool, now what age are you both? It seems you both want different things, you are thinking into long term plans etc, while he is only focused on the now... hence "my car" He may be frightened at the thought of settling down, and things getting very serious. Have you discussed this with him, what are his thoughts for the future etc?

[soupergirl]

Cool, now what age are you both? It seems you both want different things, you are thinking into long term plans etc, while he is only focused on the now... hence "my car" He may be frightened at the thought of settling down, and things getting very serious. Have you discussed this with him, what are his thoughts for the future etc?

 

I'm 24 and he's 26. We've discuss about this a little. He told me the he'll marry me but he wants to finish his car first before he decides to settle down and I think that's good so he can focus on us after he's done with his car but I just don't want him to spend everything on his car. I don't want him to regret and struggle about money in the future. His parents are even trying to tell me to tell him to stop spending and start saving.

[GaelicSoul]

I'm 24 and he's 26. We've discuss about this a little. He told me the he'll marry me but he wants to finish his car first before he decides to settle down and I think that's good so he can focus on us after he's done with his car but I just don't want him to spend everything on his car. I don't want him to regret and struggle about money in the future. His parents are even trying to tell me to tell him to stop spending and start saving.

 

You need to have deal breakers in your relationship. Your boyfriend will have his too. It's very important that the two of you can compromise about what you both want now and in the future. You are worried about money, and having enough for the future. That's wise and smart, but at the same time your 24. It's great to see a wise head at a young age, but don't forget to enjoy yourself too! Sounds like you are working an awful lot too. Maybe you both haven't been spending enough time with each other recently, now he used to working on his car. Make sure the time you spend with each other is quality time. Get him away from the car, do things you both like doing.

 

He is 26, not 36. So don't break his balls too much Let him finish his Car, once he has that complete he will be satisfied, and will have no more excuses. Make sure he brings you for a few "rides" in that car "No pun intended!" However he needs to compromise with you. If your not getting your needs met though, and he is not willing to make a decent honest commitment to you, then you need to re-consider if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

Try not to worry about it, relax. I would suggest going for a few walks to clear your head, hang out with your mates, and give a few friends you haven't spoken too in a while a call.

 

Let us know how you get on.

[Leigh 87]

I am 25, so is my b/f. We have been together about a year and a half. We would find it terribly lonley and upsetting to be apart for two weeks. We would find it devastating to not even TALK for two weeks.

 

It is telling that he has not needed to contact you in 2 weeks..... Were you that close?

And, in regards to marriage - my bf is the OPPOSITE of a person who wants to settle down. I am fine with that, but I have had the marriage discussion! Even though he is not ready to settle down, he said he would definately marry me:) No questions asked. He can definately see it happening, even though he is the guy his friends say " will NOT get married anytime soon".

 

Your boyfriend does not sound totally eager to spend his life with you, at this point.

However, online, no one can assess your degree of closness, how in love you both are, among other variables.

SO - all you can do is give him space, and see if he comes back.

If it is true, strong love for him, he will come back if he needs you in his life; he would try to see how you could make things work if he desperately wanted his life to be with you.

[soupergirl]

You need to have deal breakers in your relationship. Your boyfriend will have his too. It's very important that the two of you can compromise about what you both want now and in the future. You are worried about money, and having enough for the future. That's wise and smart, but at the same time your 24. It's great to see a wise head at a young age, but don't forget to enjoy yourself too! Sounds like you are working an awful lot too. Maybe you both haven't been spending enough time with each other recently, now he used to working on his car. Make sure the time you spend with each other is quality time. Get him away from the car, do things you both like doing.

 

He is 26, not 36. So don't break his balls too much Let him finish his Car, once he has that complete he will be satisfied, and will have no more excuses. Make sure he brings you for a few "rides" in that car "No pun intended!" However he needs to compromise with you. If your not getting your needs met though, and he is not willing to make a decent honest commitment to you, then you need to re-consider if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

Try not to worry about it, relax. I would suggest going for a few walks to clear your head, hang out with your mates, and give a few friends you haven't spoken too in a while a call.

 

Let us know how you get on.

 

Thank you so much for advice! You're right we haven't been spending enough time with each other.

 

I'll just not worry about it for now. I still have things to do for myself.

 

I'll will give you an update 2 weeks from now. Thanks again.

[soupergirl]

In my experience, when a guy tells you he needs some space it's best to give it to him. It may be the end of things, he may actually just need the space to figure things out. Regardless, going against his wishes for solitude will only serve to annoy him if he's asked to have his wishes respected and you don't do that.

 

It's tough to remain silent when all you want to do is to sort things out- but you have to keep in mind that by reaching out to him you are doing so to appease your own needs, and therefore aren't respecting his wishes and boundaries.

 

In wanting to appease your own need for contact with him, you'll likely push him further away.

 

Respect his wishes, give him the space he has asked for.

 

His mother may have good intentions, but she shouldn't be your reason for pushing something on him he isn't ready to talk about.

 

Believe me, if you do respect his wishes, he'll in turn respect you more.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know it's tough to feel so helpless, just hang in there.

 

Thanks! I should just let it be for now and wait for him to contact me first.

[bella890]

I'm in a similair situation at the moment.. me and my boyfriend of one year just broke up last week. He turned 20 in september and I'm turning 23 in august so although the age gap is not a huge difference.. the maturity gap is. and yes I think hes just too young. We decided to move in together after being together for 5 months. Its been a rough year mainly for me because I wasn't in school and wasn't really living my life, just being with him 24/7. We've had our arguments just like anyone living together and we always talked them out and came to terms. However last month something happened in which he didnt agree with and broke it off. We went to a club, i took some pills with my friends and apparently I ended up kissing one of my girlfriends (that of which I have no recollection of) He stormed out of the club and left me there when I came back home a couple of hours later he left to his moms house. He said he didn't want to be with a girl that did that kind of stuff - although he said it was fine for me to do it. I do understand where he is coming from because that night for me was an eye-awakening experience and it was then when I realized I didnt want be involved with those kinds of uses because its not worth risking a relationship for. however I didn't agree with how he reacted because as I told him, you were fine with me doing it, you know the consequences with those kinds of things so you shouldn't of reacted that way.. anyways we made up 5 days later, talked it out, i decided to take the sober life, and everything was fine.. a couple of days later, after all of this, after me continiosuly telling him im so happy i stopped using and how I dont want ot be around that kind of stuff he goes and smokes weed with my housemate. (which I usually dont mind, but given the circumstances I was a little hurt that he didnt consider my feelings.. "hm. maybe she doesn't want me to be high around her given everythign that happened.." once again we talked it out and it was fien but then the next day (4/20) it came up again and I made some comment of him smoking weed and he freaked. said I was being this possesive controling girlfriend and he doesnt want to move to california with me because he knows this is how its going to be.. that I'm going to go back to my drugs and frea out everytime he is smoking weed... I'm now in spain and I haven't talked to him in 6 days.. we ended our relationship in good terms, he said that this was for the best because if not its going to get worst (the arguing at least) and says he just needs to be alone and doesnt want a girlfriend right now. We still agreed that we will visit each other in august and go from there... The whole thing hurts me tho because prior to the whole drug incident, our relationship was perfect, yes we had our arguments but we wanted to spend the sumer together and then move to california, we are very much in love and even after him taking the decision of wanting to break up he still said how I'm the girl he wants to settle down with and thinks I'm amazing but just doesnt want to be with me right now. I think its a little unfair as to how he handled the situation, especially if we have been togetehr for a whole year, living together making all these plans for the future together, and all of a sudden something big happens that hurt him (as much as it hurt me, because its not like i did the drugs behind his back) and instead of wanting to work things through his best solution is to break up and see how things go. I know guys need their space when they are hurt or upset but I think he took drastic measures regarding the situation, why not just spend the summer apart instead of breaking up? and coming to conclusions then... So as of now I dont know how to look at it all. I'm so confused and depressed and scared as to what is his real intention behind this break-up. I know he loves me deeply and wants to be with me but he thinks this is the best for us. which I agree. I need to work on myself just as much as he needs to work on him but the thing is I dont think he is looking at it that way.. To me I just think hes over the fact of being in a relationship, and having to deal with all the problems (especially the ones we've been faced with recently )knows he already won me, and therefore wants to enjoy his freedom and when he is ready to be in one then he will be. so where does that make him stand with everything ? Does he just in reality need his space for now to think things through given everything that has happened? AH. I' rambling on in circles. I don't know how to thin about it anymore

and as far as the NC - although we said we would keep in touch and have skype dates etc.. I havenn't bothered in initiating any contact just yet thus he hasnt contacted me as well. It sucks but I shouldn't worry about that either. The longer he doesnt hear from me, the more time he will have to think things over ? make him wonder about my whereabouts> :/ Break-ups suck. This is my first one and I hope its my last