VERY insecure about my girlfriend drinking without me idk what i should do.

[MatthewRogers]

My girlfriend and i have been dating since october. our 6 months is on friday. and i couldnt be any happier with her. except one little problem.. shes leaving to go to college in september and when shes in college she wants to drink and party. thats not who she is now at all. i dont drink anymore for her cause i know it would make her uncomfortable. we both agree we will only drink together. we are both kinda insecure on that lvl but we except it and share the feeling. but when she leaves for college, she said its something she doesnt want to miss out on at all. she wants to experience it. she says she wont cheat drunk and as much as i want to believe it idk if i truely can.

 

in her last relationship she was really drunk and "bending over purposely trying to get attention from a cute guy" .. the guy didnt take it cause he knew she was in a relationship with someone. what if she does this is college? they wont know shes in a relationship and they will take what they get.. i have never been happier with someone as i am with her and she says she wants to drink really bad in college...should i just trust her and see if i get cheated on? sober she is the most honest person i know. she ALWAYS tells me if she has a sex dream about someone else or if someone hits on her. she is very strong willed. i trust her 100% sober.. just not drunk. i talked to her about it and she said its up to me to go through that stress or not and also told me i have nothing to worry about. she has 0 alcohol tolerance btw.

[Ginger Beer]

My girlfriend and i have been dating since october. our 6 months is on friday. and i couldnt be any happier with her. except one little problem.. shes leaving to go to college in september and when shes in college she wants to drink and party. thats not who she is now at all. i dont drink anymore for her cause i know it would make her uncomfortable. we both agree we will only drink together. we are both kinda insecure on that lvl but we except it and share the feeling. but when she leaves for college, she said its something she doesnt want to miss out on at all. she wants to experience it. she says she wont cheat drunk and as much as i want to believe it idk if i truely can.

 

in her last relationship she was really drunk and "bending over purposely trying to get attention from a cute guy" .. the guy didnt take it cause he knew she was in a relationship with someone. what if she does this is college? they wont know shes in a relationship and they will take what they get.. i have never been happier with someone as i am with her and she says she wants to drink really bad in college...should i just trust her and see if i get cheated on? sober she is the most honest person i know. she ALWAYS tells me if she has a sex dream about someone else or if someone hits on her. she is very strong willed. i trust her 100% sober.. just not drunk. i talked to her about it and she said its up to me to go through that stress or not and also told me i have nothing to worry about. she has 0 alcohol tolerance btw.

 

She will do. 100%, and your instinct tells you she will. And it's something you have a problem with her doing, so you should probably end it.

 

When you get drunk and you're surrounded by peer pressure, it is a fact you do things you wouldn't normally do. Why should cheating be any different? Your inhibitions are lowered anyway.

 

If I was you I'd just end it.

[MatthewRogers]

i cant end something that i dont even know is gonna happen. what if she doesnt? what if i end it and we could of spent the rest of our lives together? i love her with all of my heart and i will not be happy with just ending it.. i will always wonder what could of been.. you can tell me there will be plenty of other girls out there. i can hardly agree. i am soo picky.. i have had plenty of chances to have girlfriends and didnt choose them because im so picky. i wont find someone this honest and beautiful. someday sure but i cant let this one go.. she changed my life in such a positive way.

[Professor X]

I didn't read more than the first few lines, but I got idea from the moment you said she said she wanna party and drink.

 

She's young and she wants to explore the world, as we all do, and sooner or later she will learn that being in a RS holds her back, especially since you're not there with her.

 

I don't wanna sound grim, but it does look like she's heading towards the path of leaving you.

 

You probably won't leave her for that, and rightfully so, but do prepare yourself.

[ascendotum]

If I was in your shoe's I'd feel apprehensive too. Given that she admits she wants to 'drink and party & doesnt want to miss out' + has a past where she purposely shows off when she's drunk + you will be many miles away out of sight and out of mind when she blitzed at some dorm party, I don't think the outcome looks all that promising for her being the faithful gf. When alcohol is involved a lot of hijinks go down that women would say they would never do when sober.

"she says she wants to drink really bad in college."....thats fine if its a case of just joining in and having a few, but from what you said as regards having to limit what you drink around her, it sounds like she doesnt know when to stop with booze in the past, and given that she keen to live it up at college, she could easily be the woohoo girl the night before, waking up 'where am I' in stranger's beds the next morning. But then maybe not.

 

At this stage she's done nothing wrong and its just negative thoughts swirling around your head, so there is no good reason to break up with her. You have another 5 mths with her, so enjoy that time, and if you can't put this doubt out of your mind then, maybe its for the best you break up, then. You have to weigh up peace of mind vs finding someone as beautiful again.

[MatthewRogers]

im just so lost.. i dont know what to do

[g450]

im just so lost.. i dont know what to do

 

The answer is simple. Live your life.

Man what some of us older guys wouldnt give to be in your shoes. Seriously. I wish I had your problem.

 

For crying out loud, she is a college girl and she is young and immature. What did you expect exactly? She wants to enjoy her youth and I dont blame her.

 

This will be only one of many relationships that you will have. Why get all strung out on the first one. You are way too young to be all messed up over this. If you are "lost" then go find yourself. You seem way too codependant on somebody else for your own happines.

 

Grow a pair and go out there and party. Learn how to enjoy life. She is doing what you should be doing.

[Leigh 87]

It won't work. Your both in love, but the circumstances are not right. it sucks, but at least there is no messy break up.

 

 

 

There are other girls out there who will really satisfy you. There is more than ONE person out there, for every one:) Be miserable with her partying with other dudes, and probably feel insecure and on edge about her cheating every week, for A YEAR or more; or end it now, face pain, and get out of that pain within the year.

 

Staying with her will make you unhappy a lot of the time, as your girl will be partying and drinking with other dudes, and either cheat or leave you, to go and be young and have her life.

Or, you could end it NOW, and save future pain with this girl.

[nofool4u]

My girlfriend and i have been dating since october. our 6 months is on friday. and i couldnt be any happier with her. except one little problem.. shes leaving to go to college in september and when shes in college she wants to drink and party.

 

There is a reason people drink and party, and it isn't to simply mingle with the same sex.

 

She wants to party because other guys will be around. Partiers are not trustworthy. Make no mistake, she plans to hook up with other guys. I don't care what any other partier apologists chime in either.

 

I think you might want to consider not being her bf any longer. She will cheat on you if she wants to drink and party. Its just a matter of time.

[jphcbpa]

this is gonna hurt

 

your gut knows or else you would not be posting here.

[lamaman3]

The problem isn't so much what you think it is.

 

If she calmly told you that it was up to you whether you want to break up or not - then you are obviously way more into her than she is into you. Who wants a girlfriend who is ambivalent about your relationship, could take it or leave it?

 

The fact that you don't want to break up because "you will never find anyone else as pretty and blah blah who would like you" is a horrendous attitude. It shows you don't really have a healthy connection to her but rather are clinging on to her because of some of your own insecurities. This is a huge turn off for a woman and yes, when she sees a confident guy at college she will be tempted of course and probably won't hold herself back seeing as she is already telling you she could take it or leave it regarding your relationship.

 

A healthy and confident man would feel upset that you are breaking with someone you shared a connection and good times with but ultimately know that it is the best option and that you will meet many other great women along the way. Best option for you would be to tell her to enjoy her college experience and perhaps someday your paths will cross again.

[MatthewRogers]

so not one person on here has anything good to say? EVERYONE thinks i should just end it? its the only answer?

[ascendotum]

so not one person on here has anything good to say?

We are just reinforcing what you are already thinking. She gave you a heads up she plans to drink & party, and she's not like that with you now. Having a bunch of women come on here and say they wouldn't cheat with their bf when away, doesn't change your girl's perspective on life one bit.

 

EVERYONE thinks i should just end it? its the only answer?

Ultimately yes, at some point over the next 5 months. There's a good chance if you don't she will after being at university for a little while, and notices plenty of decent looking single guys who flirt with her, some who she will be hanging out with regulary after lectures. She's young & wants to party..you will not be around for mths..guys will notice she does not have a guy hanging off her...when she's drunk the more assertive guys wont care less if she says she has a bf back home, they are going to hone in on her....you did say shes beautiful.

You're young...you scored a beautiful girl now, you can do it again. If you don't you will be wallowing in insecure unhappy feelings for as long as she's away, unless you go out and drink & party yourself.

[g450]

so not one person on here has anything good to say? EVERYONE thinks i should just end it? its the only answer?

 

Pretty much. Its the only answer because it is the correct one.

 

And that is the GOOD thing to say because it is the right thing for you to do.

 

If we told you to stay with her that would be BAD.

 

Apparently you are not here for advice. You simply want a cheering squad or support group for what you think you want to do. We will leave you too it. Good luck.

[AH1990]

....i trust her 100% sober.. just not drunk. i talked to her about it and she said its up to me to go through that stress or not and also told me i have nothing to worry about. she has 0 alcohol tolerance btw.

 

See bolded statement above.

 

Judging by your posts, you're trying to justify staying with her and justify leaving her.

 

Let me recap this for you: She said she wants to party and drink!

Also, you yourself said that you don't trust her when she is drunk and she has 0 alcohol tolerance.

 

As with everything on the internet, take it with a grain of salt. Not trying to be rude or harsh, but you should end it!

 

You told her that you are worried about her drinking without you and all she had to say was that it was up to you to go through the stress and she won't cheat? Wow!!!! Sorry, but if you believe that bull$hit, then I have a piece of prime real estate on the Moon that I'd like to sell you.

 

You can either do this one of two ways:

 

1)Break up with her and move on. DO NOT CONTACT HER. Leave and vanish of the face of the earth. Break up with her with the intention of never seeing her again. Don't get false hopes.

 

2)Stay with her. But be warned, you will always be watching, listening, spying and doing everything you can to find out what she is doing. You will become very insecure and controlling and she WILL sense this. Thus, she will break up with you.

 

 

Here's my story, I'll make it short and simple for you. Then you can make your own choice:

 

IT HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!!

[MatthewRogers]

idk how im gonna cope if i leave her. im only her second guy she ever had sex with..shes only the second girl ive had sex with.. she has a lot of trust in me. i have a lot of trust in her..i chose her over my friends, weed, alcohol.. she helped me get my life on track from partying... which is why i love her so much. its not even just that. nobody in this world understands me like she does. she understands me more than my own mom.. we laugh so hard almost every time we hang. i know im probably a little too attached to her but its beyond my control.. its only an hour drive away where her college is btw

. UGH IDK

[TaraMaiden]

i.......i chose her over my friends, weed, alcohol.. .....im probably a little too attached to her but its beyond my control..

 

See that, right there...?

 

That's what you did.

You simply swapped one dependency/addicition, for another one.

 

You dropped the weed and the alcohol - and the 'friends' who were probably doing the same...for a girl who personifies exactly the same vices - one substance, and she's off the scale.

 

Well, you dropped them - you can drop her.

 

And no - it's NOT beyond your control, at all.

if you can drop those useless vices - she will be dead easy.

[nofool4u]

so not one person on here has anything good to say? EVERYONE thinks i should just end it? its the only answer?

 

If we are so far off, why are you here asking these questions?

[nofool4u]

idk how im gonna cope if i leave her.

 

Easy, once you get out and have fun dating other girls, you'll wonder why you wasted time worrying about her and her desire to drink and party.

 

You are young, last thing you need is your heart broken over a party girl.

 

im only her second guy she ever had sex with

 

Which is another reason we know she'll cheat. She wants to party and explore having sex with more guys. She is going to sow her oats, you can believe that. And you need to get it out of your system too.

 

 

she has a lot of trust in me. i have a lot of trust in her..i chose her over my friends, weed, alcohol.. she helped me get my life on track from partying

 

So she got you away from partying, and now she wants to whoop it up while at college?

 

nobody in this world understands me like she does.

 

Dude, you are young, you haven't been out in the world. You don't really know what love is yet. Because it certainly isn't partying while out of sight and mind of your boyfriend/girlfriend.

[Andy_K]

Some things need to be experienced first hand. I say stay with the girl and see what happens.

 

I think the chances are overwhelmingly against it ending well. Even so, experiencing that and seeing the signs and behaviours before she cheats on you and it eventually comes out will be a valuable life experience, and leave you a much wiser individual and a better judge of character.

 

Or bitter and twisted. One or the other

[dasein]

Yeah, agree with Andy, I remember my first college GFs were from my hometown. There was distance between the colleges, what a nightmare that I would never ever repeat. Starting college with a LDR is just bad news. But anyone telling me then? I would react just like OP, "why is everyone saying breakup?"

 

Here's the deal, if you let this go where it's headed and don't break up, there may be permanent damage from what's about to happen. If you break up though, it may be possible to circle back down the road. If you decide to continue the relationship, be prepared to feel the most jealousy and doubt you have ever felt in your life every time she stays out all night getting drunk with strange guys. Brace yourself for that or simply spare the both of you. Good luck whatever you decide.

[AH1990]

Some things need to be experienced first hand. I say stay with the girl and see what happens.

 

I think the chances are overwhelmingly against it ending well. Even so, experiencing that and seeing the signs and behaviours before she cheats on you and it eventually comes out will be a valuable life experience, and leave you a much wiser individual and a better judge of character.

 

Or bitter and twisted. One or the other

 

 

100% true! I can definitely say that my experience opened my eyes for future relationships. Just so happens that the next girl tried pulling the same sort of thing. I could almost spot the differences in her right when it happened.

 

I have to admit, it sucked to experience it. But in the future I know what signs to look for.

[CC12]

so not one person on here has anything good to say? EVERYONE thinks i should just end it? its the only answer?

 

I don't think you should necessarily end it because of this. There are people who are perfectly capable of not doing stupid **** when drunk. Hm. Let me rephrase. There are people who are perfectly capable of not doing life-threatening or relationship-destroying things when drunk. None of my girlfriends back in high school/college cheated on their boyfriends when they had too much to drink.

 

I'm not saying it can't happen, but you and others seem to think that if she drinks, she will cheat, 100% guaranteed, and that's just not a fair assumption to make.

 

I think there are plenty of reasons to end a relationship before going off to college in different places, though. I don't think you care about those reasons because you seem determined to stay with her, so my suggestion is to give her some room to have the kind of social life she wants in college. Let her (and you) grow up a little bit. Don't worry so much about her - let her be an adult.

[MatthewRogers]

I don't think you should necessarily end it because of this. There are people who are perfectly capable of not doing stupid **** when drunk. Hm. Let me rephrase. There are people who are perfectly capable of not doing life-threatening or relationship-destroying things when drunk. None of my girlfriends back in high school/college cheated on their boyfriends when they had too much to drink.

 

I'm not saying it can't happen, but you and others seem to think that if she drinks, she will cheat, 100% guaranteed, and that's just not a fair assumption to make.

 

I think there are plenty of reasons to end a relationship before going off to college in different places, though. I don't think you care about those reasons because you seem determined to stay with her, so my suggestion is to give her some room to have the kind of social life she wants in college. Let her (and you) grow up a little bit. Don't worry so much about her - let her be an adult.

 

thank you! although i do appreciate all of the feedback and i do take it ALL seriously it is nice to have someone here that DOES have ONE positive thing to say. I have made my decision. im waiting to see what happens because people can say i dont know what love is but who does.. she isnt my only girlfriend i have ever had.. she is the first with the feelings these strong though. i dont think anyone knows what it is fully.. its a feeling not a definition. this is the happiest i have ever in my life. im only 20 but i still..i dont want this to go away when i dont know 100% what will happen.. relationships are about trust and taking chances. maybe this is my test who the hell knows...

[Professor X]

I don't think you should necessarily end it because of this. There are people who are perfectly capable of not doing stupid **** when drunk. Hm. Let me rephrase. There are people who are perfectly capable of not doing life-threatening or relationship-destroying things when drunk. None of my girlfriends back in high school/college cheated on their boyfriends when they had too much to drink.

 

I'm not saying it can't happen, but you and others seem to think that if she drinks, she will cheat, 100% guaranteed, and that's just not a fair assumption to make.

 

I think there are plenty of reasons to end a relationship before going off to college in different places, though. I don't think you care about those reasons because you seem determined to stay with her, so my suggestion is to give her some room to have the kind of social life she wants in college. Let her (and you) grow up a little bit. Don't worry so much about her - let her be an adult.

 

I guess you didn't read the thread:

in her last relationship she was really drunk and "bending over purposely trying to get attention from a cute guy"

she says she wants to drink really bad

i trust her 100% sober.. just not drunk

she has 0 alcohol tolerance btw

So in conclusion, not every person does stupid sh*t, yes, but since she has in her past, and has 0 tolerance to alcohol and wanna get drunk really badly, I, and many others here, concluded that the odds of "stupid sh*t" happening is big.