Trust

[CassandrasBox]

Please can someone give me some objective advice. I am angry at myself for so many reasons.

 

I am trying to patch things up with my boyfriend after he told me - let's call them non-truths.

 

I wanted to be honest with him about how I felt, so I sent him the below email:

 

=========

 

Thought I would get this email out of the way.

 

The only thing I ask of you is to read this email and take time to reflect on what I've said and what I'm asking.

 

I believe that for reasons only you know, you haven't always been totally honest with me about things now and in the past.

 

I would prefer and want you to be totally honest with me.

 

I much prefer someone to tell me the whole truth and be totally honest with me, rather than someone tell me, for whatever their reasons, non-truths or half truths.

 

I can deal with the whole & honest truth, it's half-truths or non-truths that I sense and dislike immensely .

 

==========

 

Here is his reply:

 

Got your email, and was surprised with regard to its content and tone, I just do not know where you are coming from at the moment, perhaps best to leave things for a period, and hope matters settle??

 

==============

 

I am angry with myself, not for sending the email but at the reply.

 

I need an objective outside view please!*

 

Should I reply to the email? What should I say? Why am I so angry with myself?

 

Thanks

[january2011]

As much as an internet stranger can get inside your head. Here's my take:

 

Maybe you thought you were reaching out to him and hoping to open a line of communication.

 

However, from his point-of-view, he doesn't feel that he's done anything wrong and therefore considers that you're over-reacting, so he's shut you down. Perhaps he's having doubts and doesn't want to argue anymore.

 

Now, you feel that your 'olive branch' has been slapped away and not only do you not have a line of communication, it feels as though you did something wrong. I think the frustration with not getting this resolved because he refuses to discuss it has turned into anger.

 

If this is the accumulation of a series of arguments and you haven't been getting along lately, I would be prepared in case he comes back and calls it quits for good.

[KeepSmilingThrough]

Thanks for your reply and reading my story.

 

Sorry about the ranting, I just needed to let off steam. It was what they call, the last straw.

 

After calming down, after the initial anger, I decided the best thing for me was to end the relationship and have done so. It's brought me nothing but grief, very few highs and given me low self-esteem over many years. Something clicked in my head, I can now see that his behaviour as been mentally abusive and controlling. It's taken me a long time to accept this.

 

I feel so much better now, at peace, in some ways free.

 

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do.

 

Thanks again for putting up with my rantings.

 

Cassandra's Box

[january2011]

Sure, you're welcome - you are the OP but with a different ID?