My heart is broken, utterly broken, someone please help me

[ilovececi]

Hey,

I'm young. Not too young, but young, and that's all I'll say. I don't want that to greatly affect the outcome of advice I recieve, but I realize that being young is a factor in the situation. I realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I know I should just get over my loved one, but I'm on this site for NEW advice. I already know that is more than likely the best thing to do (more than likely), Of course, I am a dreamer, and I dream of returning to her. My situation is as follows. I fell in love with a girl, duh, Ceci is my nickname for her, anyways, We were living in D.C., but I moved. I moved to TN. We had been together for about a year. I know that's not very long, but still, I felt great with her! I wanted to be a better person around her, I was! I helped her. She helped me. It was great!!! I was very clingy though, and I'm not sure if she liked that, because she would usually pull away when I tried to kiss her. We were a perfect match. We were greatly compatable.

Well, she asked me for time alone. I gave it to her, but ended up calling her. I was scared, because, she wasn't talking to any of her friends either! She was depressed (way before she met me) and I was scared she might hurt herself, and I was the only one who could really get through to her. Well, She decided that she wanted to break up. We were still going to be friends. She had no reason for me except, that she didn't love me. She didn't feel the same way. So, I let her go. About three fourths of a month later, she has a new boyfriend. All of this is utterly shocking seeing as how close we were. I've never been able to talk to anyone like I could her. I could tell her my deepest, darkest secrets! Things not even my best friend would understand! And I've known him since I was two!!!! So, I'm a little amazed right now. I can't believe what's happening.

I called her a while ago and I was a complete jerk to her, but I called her back and appologized. I don't feel like writing all night, but what I want the readers of this article to understand is, I know for a fact that she did love me, that we were perfectly compatable, we were good for eachother, and we helped eachother out, made eachother laugh, had tons of fun. She is my best friend, and now I can't talk to her. I don't think she knows what she wants and I feel like my only friend just died on me. I'm trying to get over her, but I miss her. I don't want to hear advice on "GET THE F*CK OVER IT!" I'm sick of that. I already know that. "Then DO IT!" right? I'm trying, anyway, If I see a single post on that subject I will ignore it. I didn't ask for advice on getting over her. I can get that from anyone. I want to know what the hell is going on here, what should I do, and how can I get her back, if that's even possible! Whether that's bad for me or not!

Thank you so much,

Ilovececi

[Fayebelle]

Bless your heart luv! The only good news in your post is that your mind has wrapped itself around the situation-hence the "I know there are other fish etc... Unfortunately that doesn't stop your heart from hurting. Honestly -I don't hold your age against you in as far as your emotions are concerned. I loved so much more passionately when I was young- I know that those feelings can happen at any age and only the youth seem to have the energy to truly enjoy them when they are happening. I think that's why the older we get the more we look for someone to "settle down" with. Our hearts just can't sustain that force forever.

 

That said- I'm a huge fan of letters- they give you the chance to express your emotions and wait a day before anyone else has to see them. Write her a letter telling her you are sorry for blowing up but you just don't know how to not be with her-BUT that you want to respect her wishes and give her time. Let her know you are there if she needs you and then- back off for at least 6 months. I know that's not what you want to hear but after that time she will have had a chance to miss you and will want to reconcile if that's what is meant to be. If not you will have had time to adjust to spending time without her. 1 year is a decade when you are young so being without her is gonna take some getting used to. Either way at the end of the 6 months she will more than likely be ready to address a friendship which may be your only choice. You said she was your best friend-are you willing to accept that if that is the only option?

 

In the meantime keep talking to your other friends- nothing mends a broken heart like love.

[sportsloving]

I am so sorry for your situation

 

I don't know of any great ideas of getting the one you love back ... but I will tell you what I know is true. She sounds like she is needing time to figure out some things in her mind.

 

One of my dearest friends growing up was dating a good friend of mine and they had a terrific relationship. They were best friends, they talked all the time, they laughed, the spent every moment together ... and then one day she walked away. He gave her the space, she dated others, and about seven months later she came back to him and now they have been married for over 10 years.

 

She broke up with him that one time because the relationship was "too perfect to be real" and she got scared. It broke his heart to see her do that to herself, to watch her date others, but he would listen when she wanted to talk, he didn't call, and he didn't pressure her to do anything but what she wanted to be happy. It seem to work for him.

 

I wouldn't tell you to get over her, but maybe you can back off the whole thing for a bit of time. Step away, don't call, don't do anything, and if you are best friends ... when things go bad or wrong, you will be the first she will call. And if you feel the need to write, then by all means write letters ... but do not send them until you had a few days to re~read what you wrote and make sure you really want to say what you said.

 

It is a tough situation to be in, and I feel bad that you are going through it. Maybe she just needs some time to work it all out for herself? I wish you the best and hope things work out for the best.

[misty123]

The only thing I can offer here is my advice and experience so here it is. I was 16 and I went to stay with my dad for the summer. My boyfriend and I broke up right before we talked a little while I was away. It turns out while I was away that my mom was planning on moving it was OK with me I needed a change. Once I got back from my dads house we moved. I think I was here for two months or so and my ex called to see how I was and if he could see me. I remember feeling quite uncomfortable but figured what the heck. He called the next night to confirm our plans and we talked later in the conversation he said you know what never mind you have some how changed. We have never talked since.

 

Point of the story is I suspect she has changed too. It may hurt you a little but you are so far away I think she realized it was almost impossible being more than friends. While you guys are in different states and mine was not the case it seems to be the same scenario. My advice to you is to move on and remain nothing but friends. You will find someone who will understand you and you will be able to tell her things you wouldn't imagine. So don't give up hope.

[ilovececi]

Thank you all for your help, I really do appreciate it. I'm still calling her, but I know I shouldn't, another thing to add to my scenario is that she has a new bf. I don't care though, I mean, I do, but our friendship is far more important that our relationship. I mean, partners come and go, but not friends. But you only live once, and I don't want to lose this. Ya' know. Another variable, is the long distance, which is about to change. I'm moving back up there to live with my dad again, so I'll have to be around her.

See, we would be living in the same appartment complex! I am dying to be her friend, and I can't bear to not talk to her. I mean, I want to give her space, but it's killing me. And if I have to sacrifice being her bf to be her friend, then I'll do that. I need to be with her. I love her more than anyone, and without her, I can't enjoy anything. She is so speacial and important to me. My best friend. I couldn't go six months without talking to my best friend. Could you? If you were madly in love with someone, wouldn't you go after them?

I'm not going to be a desperate pathetic fool. I'm just gonna' say, "Look, I know a lot has happened, but you are my best friend in this entire world! I need you, and I need your friendship. That's more important to me than anything right now!" and yes, it will be painful to be with her, espeacially while she's with someone else. But I mean, I love her and I just want to be around her, and if I'm her friend, I can help her when she's down, sad or whatever. Anytime. So what do you guys think?

I don't have to move up there, but I live here with my mom, and up there, I have a beautiful baby sister who is 2 already and I'm missing her growing up. Plus my two little brothers ages 4 1/2, and 11. I'm seventeen and a half. I could stay down here to give her time though.... I don't know. It's a hard decision. Anyway, I love you all and thank you so much!!!

 

Your friend,

Derek