Is this a double standard?

[theedge]

Ok nothing to do with my last post.

 

Ok I have a friend who is on the skinny side. He also is on an online dating site. He met this girl and talked on Im's and phone. They were getting hot and heavy thinking about dating and what not. They had seen each others pics as well.

 

They picked a date and decided to meet. They meet up and according to him things went well. He felt it was a date situation so he bought flowers, paid for dinner and what not. The chemistry was there and the night ended, but no kiss.

 

 

The next day he called her and the small talk happened. Then she said Im not sure what you thought of me. I just wanted to say your an amazing guy, your smart, intelligent, funny and good looking. When ever people get a bunch of compliments they usually expect a but....and this was no exception. She said I don't think I could date you due to the fact that your too skinny. My friend has heard this so many times before and is a bit sick of it. He said he felt hurt and rejected with this comment and decided to say something of his own. He told her its ok that he is not her type for being skinny its her preference. He said I actually wouldn't date you on account that you were too over weight. I saw her pictures too, overweight was a compliment. When he told me this I kind of gasped lol She ended up saying "You f@#%ing shallow ,inconsiderate a**h***!! How dare you say something like that too me!!! Don't you know its the worst thing you can say to a woman??!!!!

 

Anyhoo aside from my little chuckle as he told me this. Do you think all is fare in love and war? All in all the fact she was overweight didn't bother him, he was just hurt. I hope all this makes sense, I just thought I would ask people's opinion and I wrote it fast. Do you think she is shallow? Was he an a**h***? To me, if you won't date someone because their skinny don't complain if they call you over weight.

[einahpets]

i am a thin gal and i have been picked on my whole life about it. from school nurses in high school asking if i threw up after meals, people saying "oh we didn't see you there, you were standing sideways", eww, you are skinny it is so disgusting, you would be more pretty if you gained a little weight and on and on. in high school i would come home crying because they made me feel so bad about myself. that was a long time ago but i still feel uncomfortable wearing skirts and shorts because of my "chicken legs". i am naturally thin, it runs in my family. why my weight is ever anyones business is beyond me. you would never go up to someone overweight and say "wow you are so fat", but it is ok ridicule someone who is thin? i am not underweight and i am healthy, but due to my childhood, i might have a lifelong insecurity with my body. i have gained 15lbs in the past year or two but i still feel like i need to gain more, so people won't look at me like i have an eating disorder or that i am thin because it is cool. everyone is sensitive about different areas of their bodies and it is never ok to put someone down whether they are fat, thin or in between. i love my body and i really don' t care what anyone thinks. but it bothers me the way women look at me sometimes.

 

i am not sure if the double standard you are referring is the skinny women to skinny men or overweight to underweight. regardless, i think your friend is right in what he said. she was thoughtless with what she said and i am sure she made him feel inadaquet due to his body mass. oh well, she got a taste of her own medicine.

[Fritz]

Definately a case of delicious justice there. She could dish it out but not take it unless apparently it was a pie of hypocrisy going into her mouth.

[Pyrannaste]

I actually think he was an a**hole, but I can understand him and I'd have probably(almost surely!) acted the same way.

 

I believe that overweigh people who tell someone "I would not date you because you are too skinny" don't expect it to be taken as an offence. I think they usually mean it more as a sort of compliment. Since she gave him a bunch of compliments, my guess is that she meant that she'd be embarassed dating a skinny man because she is overweigh.

In my experience overweigh people struggling with their bodies usually don't understand that being too skinny can actually be a problem to someone.

Well, I suppose this girl just learnt it.

 

I think your friend should e-mail her, say he is sorry, let her know that her weight did not bother him and explain why he reacted that way. She should know he reacted that way because he was hurt, and that being skinny is actually a problem to him.