mandy may Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=red][/color] i am struggling internally to the point that i feel that i am losing control and going to fall apart. i have suffered all my life with social phobia and social skills but am workng so diligently on them and many a other things that go on in my head. it is a full time job doing this! i am reading books as well and constantly aware of every LITTLE thing that goes on in my body to the point that i am feeling trapped and scared inside my own head! can anyone relate? today whilst minding my own business and reading a book on social anxiety, a flashback of when i was four years old and stuck in a sanitorium for five months because of tubercluosis (sp)? and when that flash hit me, it was of me faking sick in hopes they would take pity on me and let me go home! i remembered this vividly on my own so it was no major break through by any means, still it upset me that it happened at all. i am becoming quite conscious about so many things that i do and don't do. today on my job, while telling myself once again how much i hate this job, i heard myself saying to myself "like is an attitude, your perception of it". now where the heck that came from from me, is beyond me! just an exacmple of what i mean about becoming conscious and feeling trapped into this learning to be conscious, almost like it has it's own life form now!!! this evening my boyfriends autie and mom stopped by to pick him up because his aunti and him were going to dinner, and yes iwas invited but opted out feigning a headache, knowing that once again the social phobia got me! i really like his autie she is so nice to me and so sweet in general and i gave her a big hug when she came in the door. of course she hugged me back and i know she likes me well enough that i do not worry about that. but i hugged her a little too tight to show my affection and it was not reciprcated though she did hug me back, just that i was over zealous! lol. after they left, while in a semi trace standing there in the kitchen eating a fudge cicle and watching my dogs eat, the scen played before my eyes as vivid and real as if it were happening again!!! so scary when sometihing like a feeling of losing consciousness hit me and i felt light headed. i do not know what happened! it was like being catapulted from one realm to another just that quick and left me with a headache i have still have and this was about two hours ago. can anyone relate to what is going on here? something like this makes me wonder if i am losing my mind or digging to deep into my sub conscious that the abyss could swallow me up! should i worry or be afraid of going where no man or myself has been before?! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Well, you could continue to battle this alone or you could go get help. People mistakenly think they are supposed to be able to fix all that ails their minds with no help. Same people wouldn't dream of trying to heal their own broken leg. Go see a psychiatrist. Get yourself some professional assistance to beat this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy may Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 well not everyone can afford to go to therapy and or not everything warrants therapy and or some things come up in between therapy as well! Link to post Share on other sites
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