Some Questions Towards girls (16-20 yrs old)

[rightintentions17]

hi all.. im new here. I feel kind of awkward asking these questions over the internet... so please dont ridicule me or anything

 

First off, I'l just give a little introduction. I am 17 years old, and will be a senior next year. I have made some major improvements in my life over the past two years. This time, two years ago, i was 325 pounds. At 15 years old. This had a serious negative effect on my social life and well being. I had a couple freinds.. all who were guys, I used to stay home practically 24/7 , and when I did go out, I would always be extremely nervous and SEVERELY SEVERELY self conscious of myself. I wouldnt even dare look at a girl.. just for i was disgusted with myself. I would seriously think everyone in a room would be staring at me, and I just couldnt deal with it. My own insecurity was crushing me. I knew something had to be done, or else I would never feel good about myself, and I would probably die at an early age due to my weight issue....

 

So, over the past two years, I have lost 150 pounds, and i feel great about myself. I go out.. almost every day, and I hate being at home. Like right now, I am really mad im home right now and dont have anything to do until 10. Anyways, I am now much happier about myself, i feel great, i think i dont look THAT bad? although i dont know if im handsome per say, b/c well, i just wont judge myself like that. But lets just say, I look fine.

 

Anyways, heres my issue. All throughout my highschool life, as people were being social and forming relationships, I was coping with my self image and eventually started losing weight. I am completely in experienced with girls. BEfore, i had low self esteem, now I would say its moderate-high.. however when it comes to girls, I just havnt got myself to build up the nerve to actually ask one out. However, I know that if i got a girlfreind, that girl would be extremely fortunate. I am not one of those a**h*** type guys, who just wants to use girls for sex. I am not one of those guys who just goes along with what a girl has to say.. Im not one of those guys who acts like a dickhead to get attention. I am.. as some people call, a "nice" guy. I would be more into the holdinghands/cuddling underneath the stars thing, then having sex in some bedroom during some party. I actually listen to what girls have to say, and dont just go along with the flow to try to get on them. etc..

 

Now.. some people say nice guys finish last. However, I disagree with this. I believe, there are two different type of nice guys. There are confident nice guys, and non confident nice guys. When people say that line.. "nice guys finish last" I think, it is non confident nice guys they are talking about. But i think, if you are confident, and nice, you have the best chances. I am trying to break out of the non confident zone, to the confident. It is a long and hard process, but I am doing it. But the thing that still lingers, is fear of rejection. Why do i fear this though? Theres so many girls out there, why would 1 person rejecting me be a big deal? I seriously need to get over this. The hardest thing for me , is that throughout my whole maturing process, I barely never talked to girls, so its hard for me to just start doing it.. but I have been. The 1 thing that would probably help me, is if a girl commented on how i looked.. not once has 1 girl in my school commented on my weight loss. That really hurt me.. But i also understand that I cant just go out looking for compliments.. and I wont be. But thats probably the number 1 thing affecting me, but im getting over it.

 

So.. anyways, sorry for boring you all. But I have some questions, and I would appreciate it if you could give me some sincere answers. (these are directed towards girls)

 

1.) If you are staring at a guy, and he turns around and sees you staring, and you look away. Could that mean your into him? What are some other signals that a girl is into a guy?

2.) Still regarding one.. would it freak you out, if you were randomly looking at some guy, and he turned around.. saw you.. looked into your eyes, and smiled

 

3.)LEts say you are with your girlfreinds, in a mall or something. ANd some random guy, who you dont know, walks up to you and says "hey hows it going, I couldnt help but notice how (compliment here), or "hey hows its going, my name is _, whats yours? i see your busy now, maybe I could get your number and we could go out for some lunch sometime and get to know eachother" etc.. stuff like that. Would that freak you out? Or would you not care? Would you find it bold?

 

4.)DO you have fears? (of course you do, but im asking anyways) I know my number one fear when i see a girl i like, is that if i went up to her and started talking, she would think i was some wierdo and diss me or something .. I know it may sound childish.. but do you fear similair things?

 

 

5.) got any advice for a 17 year old single. Like.. what to say and not say. Should I always bee 100% sincere.. b/c thats how i am now.

 

6.)This might seem kind of stupid.. but are there certain places (movies, mall, clubs, stores, etc..) that single girls go too, solely for the purpose of looking for a guy?

 

 

anyways, sorry for such a long read. Thx for any advice in advance

[swtbonita]

well I was thinking that maybe you should start out slow..

 

Like instead of just asking the girl out why not just try to have conversations with girls you don't know and build your confidence there.. If all goes well maybe she will ask you out...

[Baby Beaver]

1) it could swing both ways- you could turn away coz you really don't like him or you could look away because you are embarrased that the guy clocked you checking him out!

 

2) No, I personally would not be freaked out if I guy looked into my eyes and smiled. It's friendly and to the point

 

3)As long as the guy wasn't up himself- 'i can pull any lass i want' type attitude then it's cool. I always prefer the direct approach. When me and my fella first got together we were in a nightclub that all our mutual friends go. We went to school together but never really spoke. we were both wasted on extasy and he just came up to me and told me I was hot. over two years later we are still together.

 

4) we all fear rejection, especially if we have been subjected to some form of bullying in our youth. But if you wanna get somewhere with a girl, I'm afraid you just have to bite the bullet and talk to her

 

5) Just be yourself, take care of your appearance and shine. you sound like a nice guy and you appear to respect women, soon enough you will meet a girl who likes you

 

6) Anywhere where groups of mates can hang out together. I wouldn't say the mall because shopping is the main priority! bars, clubs, theme parks (in my experience they are always the best place to pull, especially in france!).

[Curt]

Hey there rightintentions. I'm glad you posted this. I have had a similar experience myself, so I think I can give some input here. You said:

 

Originally posted by rightintentions17

Now.. some people say nice guys finish last. However, I disagree with this. I believe, there are two different type of nice guys. There are confident nice guys, and non confident nice guys. When people say that line.. "nice guys finish last" I think, it is non confident nice guys they are talking about. But i think, if you are confident, and nice, you have the best chances.

 

That has a lot of sense in it. Allow me to warn you, though, about being too "easy to please," and "easy going" with women. I have seen both on this board and in real life, a great number of situations and circumstances which have convinced me that being this way, is a BIG BIG turn-off for women. They like confidence for sure, BUT they also want (need?) a certain level of EXCITEMENT / DRAMA / UNPREDICTABILITY in their mates.

 

There can be nothing more boring to a woman than having a doormat type of nice guy. Be respectful, and be tender, BUT be firm and stand your ground on things which are important to you. NEVER NEVER be nice to the point of being predictably so, or tender to the point of being "clingy." If so, a woman WILL likely get bored. This effectively means she will also likely leave you.

 

You also said...

 

But the thing that still lingers, is fear of rejection. Why do i fear this though? Theres so many girls out there, why would 1 person rejecting me be a big deal?

 

I understand this all too well. I have been there, gotten the T-shirt, and the fact is, there is nothing can be done to aviod being rejected. But, it's better to be rejected (and thus be IN the game) than to never get out of the "safe zone." Get out there, knowing you will likely be rejected now and then ... perhaps even a lot at first. You may also get a number of false positive "hits" from girls who are habitual flirts and players, but the alternative (to not get in there and play the game) is to suffer 100% datelessness and loneliness. Bite the bullet, and put yourself out there. DO NOT let it bitter your spirit when you do get turned down. It's life ... at least you'll be then living it. Plus, when you DO find that person who speaks to your heart, it shall all be worth it.

 

So.. anyways, sorry for boring you all.

 

You're not a bore at all. Glad you're sharing. 'Tis what this board's all about my friend!"

 

Ahh...Now for the questions...

 

1.) If you are staring at a guy, and he turns around and sees you staring, and you look away. Could that mean your into him? What are some other signals that a girl is into a guy?

 

hmm...some of the signs she's into you might be the following:

 

1. She smooths/runs her fingers through her hair or touches her neck or lips with her fingers (or some object) while her attention is on you.

 

2. She crosses her legs with top leg turned toward your direction.

 

3. You look into her eyes, and when she looks back, you smile in a "not over the top" but friendly way. See what her reaction is.

 

4. Do you find/catch her looking at you a lot ... even across a crowded space?

 

2.) Still regarding one.. would it freak you out, if you were randomly looking at some guy, and he turned around.. saw you.. looked into your eyes, and smiled

 

3.)Let's say you are with your girlfriends, in a mall or something. And some random guy, who you dont know, walks up to you and says "hey hows it going, I couldnt help but notice how (compliment here), or "hey hows its going, my name is _, whats yours? i see your busy now, maybe I could get your number and we could go out for some lunch sometime and get to know eachother" etc.. stuff like that. Would that freak you out? Or would you not care? Would you find it bold?

 

Perhaps it would be too forward to do this. Look for a more "appropriate location."

 

4.)DO you have fears? (of course you do, but im asking anyways) I know my number one fear when i see a girl i like, is that if i went up to her and started talking, she would think i was some wierdo and diss me or something .. I know it may sound childish.. but do you fear similair things?

 

Don't we all...the price of living life I suppose.

 

5.) got any advice for a 17 year old single. Like.. what to say and not say. Should I always bee 100% sincere.. b/c thats how i am now.

 

See comment above about sincerity.

 

6.)This might seem kind of stupid.. but are there certain places (movies, mall, clubs, stores, etc..) that single girls go too, solely for the purpose of looking for a guy?

 

I'm told it could be anywhere ... at a gym, at a coffee shop, at a store, at a dance club ... depends on who she's looking to have in her life, and what kind of frame of mind she's in.

[moimeme]

They like confidence for sure, BUT they also want (need?) a certain level of EXCITEMENT / DRAMA / UNPREDICTABILITY in their mates.

 

Oh, no, Curt! Not you, too!

 

There can be nothing more boring to a woman than having a doormat type of nice guy.

 

This is true, but not being a doormat does not require 'excitement/drama/unpredictability'. That's too extreme.

 

NEVER NEVER be nice to the point of being predictably so, or tender to the point of being "clingy." If so, a woman WILL likely get bored. This effectively means she will also likely leave you.

 

Every person has a different threshold for what constitutes 'clingy'. If you are naturally a 'clingy' person, you may well find a person who wants a 'clingy' partner!

 

It's not about being a jerk, or being dramatic, or anything like that. It's definitely not about pretending you're something you're not. If you are too clingy, too boring, or too submissive, then it's time to work on developing your own spine - not on looking for partners because you won't have a good partnership by pretending you're what you're not. We always find out anyway so you may as well do the self-work first.

[rightintentions17]

wow. thx for the detailed responses