jslone Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Hi, I am new around here. I am hoping I can get some good advise when it comes to me and my soon to be ex husband. My husband of six years walked out on me for a 16 year old! I was so hurt and thought I could not go on. I filed for divorce 2 weeks after he left! He claimed to love this girl and did not care about what effect his actions would have on the children ages 5, and 3. He moved right in with this little girl the night he met her which is the same night he left me. My poor kids have been to hell and back in the past year. Well, he asked her to marry him and even bought her the same ring that he bought for me! He threw me and the 2 kids away for this girl. Well, when the child support was set at 670 a month he all of the sudden wanted to come back to me. He came back for one day and then walked right back out the door. Well, now him and the 16 year old have broken up and he has found his new Internet girlfriend. He found her on one of those dating web sites. He new her for one day and moved her and her child in and he also told this girl that he loved her. I have a real problem with his actions! Well, while he is with his new girlfriend he is trying to get back together with the 16 year old. I found him on top of the 16 year old a couple of days ago while my children were in the house. How is this going to effect the children? Is it really any of my concern? Should I butt out of this situation? Not to mention the fact that he has been in trouble and is on probation. He is always violating his probation and I have reported this to his probation officer. His probation officer does not seem to care. I feel so frustrated! In a way I want to help my husband because I believe that he is very disturbed. My ex is always calling me and always confides in me. What do I do here? I am still very much in love with him and I don't want to keep him away from the kids because it would kill him and the children. I also hate the fact that he is making poor choices and is not even thinking about what he is doing to the kids. Am I making a mistake for being his friend? Is it time to be firm or keep my opinions to my self? When I bring these things up he gets very mad and we fight for weeks. I have even tried keeping the kids away from him. All of this fighting is making me sick. I just can't take it any more. How do you get along with someone who is ill in the head? He will not go to counseling or get any kind of help????? I can't afford an attorney. He can because he makes a lot of money. Legal aid will not get me a good attorney. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I'm guessing you need some legal advice or a counsellor. I am sure that you should be able to get a free consult with a lawyer, so you have a better idea what to do. I am having difficulties with the decisions that my ex is making as well, but the bottom line is I have no control over what she does or who she hurts. It does not make it any easier to take though. The right decisions are often the most difficult ones. I will say this, it seems to me like a pattern of behaviour on your husbands part, this is not a one night stand. You don't need a guy like this. I hung in a lot longer than I should have hoping I could get things fixed, that the girl I married would reappear. I cannot get those years back and my kids handled everything just fine. Sometimes as parents maybe we underestimate our kids ability to adapt. You know your situation better than anyone else but just remember, as far as I know life does not offer any do-overs. it's important to be happy. I hope things improve. Link to post Share on other sites
TreeHugger Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Wow!! A 16 yo...a child? That's just wrong! I have to agree with Yikes...sounds like meeting with an attorney will help in sorting out the issues. I would protect my children from him...someday they too will be 16 yo! Doesn't sound like he has boundaries between child and adult behavior. I was upset about my husband's internet fling (w/ a 47 yo female...almost could've been his mother)...but damn a 16 yo!!! I'm sorry...what a hard place to be stuck in! Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a similar situation and also had an issue w/ 16yr old. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t32729/ This is an old post, and we are okay now, but this will show you another situation with a 16 yr o Link to post Share on other sites
Author jslone Posted June 20, 2004 Author Share Posted June 20, 2004 Well, I do understand what you all are saying but a part of me wants to protect my children. I always think being a parent means setting a good example for my children. What kind of example is my husband sitting here? It is okay to leave your family for a 16 year old and it is okay to walk in and out on your family. You know I could just about handle the 16 year old compared to this new one! She is kind of odd. She even went as far as displaying her child on this web site next to her half naked photos! Who would move in with someone they don't even know? This lady also has a child. I think he should date but I don't think the kids should date who he dates. I don't know about you all but I don't fall in love with someone every six months! Gosh what is next?? As a parent where is his stability? All I can do is my part and not his. I do however think that some kind of counseling would help. We have no communication here! He does not think there is a problem. Being a parent means finding someone respectable for your children's sake. What would he think if I had a 16 year old boyfriend? I think I will try and contact a mediator! Link to post Share on other sites
ready2moveon26 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I agree that a 16 year old is very wrong. What your husband, who must be quite a bit over 16, is doing is illegal. I thought it was bad that my husband is with a 19 year old. (He is 27.) I agree with you for wanting to protect your children. My husband and I have a 3 year old daughter who sees her dad and his girlfriend sleeping in the same bed. (We've been seperated for 4 months) It is very confusing for the kids and he needs to step up and talk to his children. Your husband is NOT being respectful to you or his children. He is thinking more of himself (like most men) and not of his kids. You really should say something to him. I wasn't sure if I should say anything to my husband, but once I did, and we got our fight out of the way, he understood what I was saying. He did not know that my daughter was having nightmares everynight and waking up to tell me that she just wants to be a family again, with just me, Daddy, her, and our cat in our old house. I had her tell him one night and that is when it hit home with him. You need to talk to him! Link to post Share on other sites
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