A father focusing on his daughter's weight

[setsenia]

So what do you all think? Let me start from the beginning. When I was in high school, I weighed 125lb-130lbs. My dad thought I needed to excercise more (apparently walking to school, work and everywhere else wasn't enough). He'd notice if I'd so much as gained 1lb. Seriously. Now that I've been out of high school, I admit I've gained and lost weight (worked at a cafe for a while, gained a lot of weight off the pastires and coffees). Every time I quit those jobs, I went back to my ideal weight of 125-128. I haven't been less than 123 since middle school. Considering my mom, dad and brother are over 200lbs, I think I'm doing pretty well. But I get tired of hearing my dad say "And how much did you weight at your sweet 16"? Umm, the SAME. Maybe give or take 3-5lbs. I don't know why he's so stuck on what I weighed at 16. I'm almost 23 now and there's maybe only a 5lb difference. I was the same weight as 16 about 2 years ago. I'm still working on losing another 3lbs at least before I feel comfortable with myself. I've weighed just as much as I did when I was sixteen, well after I was sixteen. I don't understand why he brings that up, it sounds stupid! I also think it's really inappropriate for a father to comment on his daughter's weight unless she is very overweight, for obvious health reasons. I'm really shocked I didn't develop an eating disorder. I swear, if you had a small piece of cake in front of the man, he acted like you needed to go for a 3 hour run afterwards.

[stillafool]

How tall are you Setsinia?

[FitChick]

Maybe he doesn't want you to end up like the rest of your family. Why don't you suggest the whole family go on a healthy eating and exercise program together?

[crazylove]

Pretty hypocritical if he's over 200lb himself.

[setsenia]

How tall are you Setsinia?

 

5'3".

 

@FitChick. I've never had any weight problems nor do I have any unhealthy eating habits. I exercise at least five times a week, never drink anything like sodas and always watch what I eat. My brother has always had a weight problem, on the other hand, but also had different eating and exercise habits.

[RiverRunning]

Your weight is perfectly fine. It's toward the higher end of the 'normal' BMI range (above 22-23) but there's nothing wrong with you. Focusing so much on weight is a crap chute too. I know some women my height (5'8") who, at 190 pounds, are technically 25 pounds overweight - but I would never guess that they weighed that much.

 

When it comes down to it, you work out and move. Your father's behavior toward your weight is incredibly disappointing and sexist. I have seen other families with that dynamic - one or both parents are hyper-focused on the daughter's weight in the belief that if she gets even the slightest overweight, she's going to be destroyed by the world on all fronts: career, romance, friendships, etc.

 

Eating well and moving your body is more important than how much you weigh or how much body fat you have (know several fat people who eat well and work out...faring much, much better than the skinny people who don't). The latter category is still important - but I've heard from several doctors that the first category is #1 in determining your health.

 

It sounds like you have a very controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive father, setsenia. I'm very sorry for that.

 

It's one thing for someone to say to their family members, "I'm going to cook x, I think it's healthier," or, "Let's all go for a walk." But the fact that he's so focused on your weight IS detrimental.

 

Weight really IS just a number. How do you feel? Do you like the way that you look? Are you healthy? That's what matters.

[setsenia]

Thanks for your input, Riverrunning! I feel great about the way I look. I could maybe lose another 3lbs, but I have no desire to starve myself or crash diet to get under 120. I already have people telling me "I'm too skinny", but I feel perfect. I eat healthy and I work out at least 5 times a week 20-30 minutes a day. I won't let me dad's comments get to me. I'm healthy and my husband constantly assures me he has always found me extremely attractive, even if I gained or lost weight here and there. It's people like my dad that contribute to unrealistic expectations of women in society and the reason disorders like anorexia and bulemia exist.

[spookie]

That is weird. I would tell him, firmly, to knock it off.

 

My parents used to do the same thing, and it always made me uncomfortable. I always thought it was so hypocritical coming from people who didn't know the first thing about diet or exercise.

 

They cut it out as of a couple years ago, around the same time they realized I do not heed unsolicited advice.