Really thought he was flirting with me - but is he gay??

[BlueDog]

Um, I'm very confused and could use some other perspectives. I have a big crush on a new coworker and was absolutely sure he was flirting with me. He comes over to my desk to talk to me a lot, lots of joking and laughing. He always gazes into my eyes for an extended amount of time while we're talking. If something funny happens in the office he'll immediately look over and catch my eye and smile. He's started standing really close to me when we talk. He volunteers to work with me whenever there's a two-person job to be done. Some of it could be read as friendly, but the eye contact is just so extended and the in-jokes and teasing banter really seem flirty to me.

 

I honestly thought this guy was about to be my next boyfriend - but then I ran into someone I know who was at college with him. This person told me my crush is gay and had a boyfriend pretty much the whole time they were in college.

 

Can I really have got this so wrong?? I have loads of gay friends and I know gay guys can be flirty in a joky way, but I've never had a gay guy gaze deeply into my eyes while flirting with me. Could he be bisexual? Or am I just deluded?

[cherries1]

You could consider the chance that he could be bisexual. But that sure is weird. Anyway sometimes I make way too much eye contact with people sometimes when I'm nervous or something, does it ALWAYS happen?

The eye catching when something funny happens is SO misleading. During 4 years I had this eye cathing when funny things happened/inside jokes and in the end he just saw me as a friend. Signs really suck sometimes, some people are just too sociable or too awkward to realize they're sending out signals.

 

I'm sorry I can't give you an answer, I'm just as confused as you. Can you check with someone if he ever had a girlfriend? Maybe subtly bring up the matter with him? Ask about girlfriends and see what he says?

[NateC]

Um, I'm very confused and could use some other perspectives. I have a big crush on a new coworker and was absolutely sure he was flirting with me. He comes over to my desk to talk to me a lot, lots of joking and laughing. He always gazes into my eyes for an extended amount of time while we're talking. If something funny happens in the office he'll immediately look over and catch my eye and smile. He's started standing really close to me when we talk. He volunteers to work with me whenever there's a two-person job to be done. Some of it could be read as friendly, but the eye contact is just so extended and the in-jokes and teasing banter really seem flirty to me.

 

I honestly thought this guy was about to be my next boyfriend - but then I ran into someone I know who was at college with him. This person told me my crush is gay and had a boyfriend pretty much the whole time they were in college.

 

Can I really have got this so wrong?? I have loads of gay friends and I know gay guys can be flirty in a joky way, but I've never had a gay guy gaze deeply into my eyes while flirting with me. Could he be bisexual? Or am I just deluded?

 

Ask. Well, don't ask if he's gay or anything...but ask him to go someplace like you would anyone else you're interested in. You'll eventually find out just by body language and (if he goes someplace with you) how he acts around you.