NiceGuy777 Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Alright so I am desperately looking for help or advice for this situation because frankly it has been bothering me and its eating away at me to the point that I can honestly say that I feel like I am in a downward spiral back into a state of depression that I have been fighting so hard for years to avoid falling back into. I would like to say thank you for any advice that you have or will give and thank you for taking the time to read this rather lengthy description. First off I would like to describe myself so you can get the full picture and hopefully give me the best most informed advice possible. Ok, so to describe myself, 5 years back, I was an extremely confident individual with everything with the exception of women however I had a girlfriend for years. This girl showed me she cared for me more than anything and due to the path I had chosen through a military academy that relationship was strained to the point of breaking through lying and deceit but not cheating. Needless to say, I was on my high horse and living my dream until my body physically broke down, I entered a deep depression, and left my dream in the dust desperately trying to recover. I lost the girl I thought I loved, I left my dream because of the pain it was causing me. Naturally when I returned I had no confidence I felt like a piece of garbage but I was recovering. Still heart broken I consulted with my best friends and they advised me to get out and explore different women and I took their advice met 2 women at different times because I would never cheat but needless to say they were empty relationships and nothing could heal the pain I had but time. I took more than a year to myself and saw no one. I socialized but there was no one in my life. After a year or so, I coped with my decisions and I was ok with not having the previous woman in my life. Then, I met this amazing woman, I fell for her and I mean hard. She brought my world crashing down. Everything was different and everything just seemed brighter with her in my life. Unfortunately months later she broke it off due to missing an ex that she had dated for 2 years prior. I didn’t want too but I took the optimistic outlook that if we had what I thought we did she would come back and realize we had something more. Something special. A month and a half later I still feeling the hurt from this was still wishing she would come back. Well to fast forward she did come back explained to me that I was right, explained that after spending some time with him that there was nothing that she previously thought was still there and she asked me for a second chance. Apprehensive I gave her the second chance after thinking long and hard on the issue and thus far things have been amazing. We fight occasionally but we get over those little bumps quick and our relationship at least for me is strengthened. On a side note, I can tell without a doubt she is attracted to me, she takes care of me if you know what I mean and the we haven’t gone the whole way yet which I respect because I respect her and do not push things like that. I have done my best to learn from previous mistakes and treat her like the princess at least I think she is. Everything has been great until a week ago she told me that her ex (the one from before) had contacted her but she told me that she pissed him off got rid of him and everything was ok. Now let me talk about facebook, which I absolutely hate because of the drama. Anyways, when she started with me officially the second time, she didn’t have him as a friend at all and it seemed like she was avoiding him completely which I was very happy with. Anyways after he contacted her recently, one of them requested the other as a friend which really bothers me and which is why I am asking for advice. Why would they add each other if they were not going to talk. I usually don’t care about facebook because it is stupid but what is bothering me is he contacted her then they became friends and I think they are talking. She explained to me what they had talked about when he contacted her and now I am questioning that she told me the truth and I wonder if she is talking to him consistently and what they are talking about. Here’s the kicker, she always checks my phone to see if I am talking to someone else but she says she just wants to look at my pictures. It is ok because it lets me know she cares but she gets offended when I ask her about cheating and thinks I don’t trust her and I have trusted her up until now I just care so I like to be straight forward and ask and resolve the issue which is why this is urgent. If it is just me being insecure because if things that happened to me previously I want to get over it and move forward. She always talks about our future together which makes me think that she sees us together but this ex thing is really bothering me and seeing as I try to be understanding and trusting I could see how I could be getting taken advantage of. What I am asking is how should I confront her and best deal with this. I could give an ultimatum, a choice between what we have and talking to him, or I could just break it off which I absolutely do not want to do because I will be so hurt but maybe it is the best choice to save me further heartache. I just want everything to be back to normal without having to worry about what her douche bag ex is scheming. I give her credit for telling me but I cant help but worry there is more to it than what I was told and I want to believe her due to the fact that I am a nice guy but I know nice guys finish last most of the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 You could ask her directly. Perhaps something like, "I'm not comfortable that you are in touch with your ex through Facebook. Would you consider unfriending him?" Then play it by ear depending on her response. Part of me wonders if somehow the trust was broken due to the circumstances surrounding the first break-up and since then, both of you have been unsure about each other. As an aside, if you post again, you may wish to consider breaking up your post into paragraphs to make it easier to read. From experience, long walls of text tend to put-off the majority of readers. Link to post Share on other sites
kt66 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 if you can rephrase that with paragraphs and grammar then more will read it and help. it makes my brain hurt Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 An ex is an ex for a reason. If she is still in contact with him then its for a reason. And probably not a good one. Cut yourself loose from the drama and inevitable heartbreak. I read stories like yours here all the time and have even experienced this type of situation. Just cut your losses now. You are still young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NiceGuy777 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 Ok guys thanks for all of the advice. I talked to her nicely and I think the issue is resolved. If not I will find out and go from there. In response to g450, I would like to cut my losses and go because like you said it will most likely result in heart break. I just have a hard time peacing without proof. I just wish most women could just tell the truth. Is it really that hard. I honestly sometimes wish I could have an emotionless relationship. Maybe Im wrong in wanting that. IDK Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 NG, all I can tell you is that when a woman is really into you, you dont have situations like this from her. Just judge what she does, not says to you. Her actions will not lie. Put up a boundry and if she doesnt have enough character, love and respect for you to cross it then you will have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
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