Angry? In a bad mood a lot? Easily upset? These are warning signs

[ladyangel]

You've said it better than any of us could, Faux. Thanks.

[moimeme]

One does not feel more alive than when one is truly angry

 

 

I disagree completely. To me, one does not feel more alive than when is truly happy and joyous. Nothing is better than loving. To deny THAT is to deny one's humanity. Anger is a leftover self-preservation tool from our days as animals, not the essence of the human spirit.

[CurlyIam]

I think the essence of the human spirit qualifies for another thread. I also think that as humans are defined by the fact that they are social creatures, living together takes its' tools on everyone, hence, the responce is getting angry - and than hopefully cooling down, and responding in a civil manner.

 

I think I understand faux's pov.

[NatoPMT]

Drop the expectation that others 'should' be just so and voilà - your anger and stress evaporates and there's room for peace and happiness to flourish. by Moimeme

 

You can actually evaporate most of that junk if you really want to. As I said, people aren't going to change so spending the rest of your life being upset about that is kind of pointless

 

so so so so true, this one is quite close to my heart as its only been 8 months since i actually realised this - it all just fell into place and literally, within a week, anger, resentment, bitterness & stress just went and i 'got it'. it took me a further 3 months to get rid of the residual feeling that i may slip back into it, but i didnt act on any bubbling under old style feelings, had conscious control, and they did go away. i was worried for about 4 months that i would eventually slip back into my old ways, but now i am confident that they had gone and i have full control of my reactions.

 

Originally posted by Thinkalot

Funny how in theory it can seem so easy to be calm and yet, when tested, the old anger emotions rise up, triumphant once more.

 

it is easy, you just have to realise its easy. its easy to get rid of the old anger when tested, instead of letting it show, you behave as though you should behave, intead of how your feelings dictate, and within a relatively short period of time, you begin to want to behave how you should behave instead of how you emotionally react at the mo. someone correct me if i am wrong, but i think thats how cognitive behaviour therapy works. there's lots of talk about expressing anger and not letting it out, but when i feel the angry feelings rise, instead of thinking i need to get it out as its unhealthy in, i think about why i am angry, and how its not actually relevant or necessary to be angry about it, see moimemes quote pasted above.

 

anger is unhealthy to supress, but its a case of not being angry unnecessarily, but to identify whats necessary and what isnt, i had to get a grip of the issues i had with expectations, ego, etc etc.

 

I can't do HRT Hokey - are you eating soya & tofu? they contain plant oestrogens which help regulate hormone production (or lack of) and ease menopause symptoms, apparently. supposed to help reduce risk of breast cancer too.

 

BB

[moimeme]

Very glad to hear you've had such success, BB! Yep, that's essentially how CBT works.

 

but its a case of not being angry unnecessarily, but to identify whats necessary and what isnt

 

Exactly. I think I told the tale of a prisoner I heard talking about having been in prison. Guys around him used to call him names (they all do) and it would get him furious. One day, guy is walking down the corridor. Another prisoner calls him a sonofabitch. Guy said he realized that the fellow who called him that was just wrong because he wasn't a sonofabitch. Never again got mad at being called names.

 

You can do it. I did it the day I realized it was ridiculous to get frustrated that a bus was late. It's something that can't be helped and therefore foolish to be mad about. Poof - anger evaporated and never came back. It's clinging to the idea that you have a 'right' to be angry, particularly about things that can't and won't ever change, that keeps you bubbling with fury. Once you realize that nothing will change because of your anger and therefore it's futile, your rational self takes over and says 'right! Silly of me to be mad at stuff I can't do anything about anyway' and you end up MUCH happier.

[NatoPMT]

Merry - again, i totally agree with you on this. i cant agree more, i am nodding my head furiously. and I have to say that one day it just clicked into place, about the time i started posting here - and you actually played a part in me clarifying how i was thinking, sometimes i need to see other peoples way of doing things to realise whats right for me. I took quite a lot of guidance from you when i was developing my own ideas - so massive big thanks, i feel so much better these days

 

It's clinging to the idea that you have a 'right' to be angry this is another thing i had issue with. i always thought i was right, thats why i put 'ego' in my last point, but this explains it better. & if anyone disagreed with me, i took it as a personal attack. plus i would get angry/upset/stressed at all sorts of things that i didnt need to have a hissy fit at. i went right round the houses trying to improve myself, i thought it was insecurities, issues with my childhood, all sorts of excuses to behave the way i did, but it wasnt any of that, i just didnt know how to act. i never had any direction, as soon as it was pointed out to me that i could just let it go, i realised i could.

 

i owe my happiness in part to the LS'ers - i appreciate it so much. thanks guys!

[moimeme]

and you actually played a part in me clarifying how i was thinking, sometimes i need to see other peoples way of doing things to realise whats right for me. I took quite a lot of guidance from you when i was developing my own ideas - so massive big thanks, i feel so much better these days

 

I am very happy that I was able to be of assistance And I am absolutely delighted to know that you are in such good spirits and so much happier

[Samson]

OK, then I'm absolutely thrilled.

[ladyangel]

Okay, then I'm wildly ecstatic. As a matter of fact, after reading this thread I don't think I'll ever experience anger again. It's a miracle!

[moimeme]

If you two must slang me, do you think you could do it without raining on someone else's parade?

Sorry, BigBelm. They each have their own mads on at me. Sorry they're being so snarky but it's not about you.

[CurlyIam]

Oh, c'mon, moi, they're only teasing you( and as I see they're doing a good job)! Why don't you play along and say that you're " delightfully thrilled about their being wildy ecstatic"?!? No need to get grumpy , see?

[moimeme]

Gotcha, Curly. I'm a little less joyous when others end up in the line of fire. But that's not teasing. There's history there. Anywayyyyyyyy......

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by BigBelm

this is another thing i had issue with. i always thought i was right, thats why i put 'ego' in my last point, but this explains it better. & if anyone disagreed with me, i took it as a personal attack. plus i would get angry/upset/stressed at all sorts of things that i didnt need to have a hissy fit at. i went right round the houses trying to improve myself, i thought it was insecurities, issues with my childhood, all sorts of excuses to behave the way i did, but it wasnt any of that, i just didnt know how to act. i never had any direction, as soon as it was pointed out to me that i could just let it go, i realised i could.

 

 

I see a lot of myself in this description! I have to learn how to let things go!! Can I really just let them go? What about when I know an injustice has been done to me? What about when I actually know I am right? What about when I have all these emotions bubbling inside me bursting to get out? What about times when I am feeling hurt and upset by somebody, and that makes me feel mad at the same time? HOW DO I JUST LET IT ALL GO?

[NatoPMT]

Lady & Samson - There was a huge event in my life that caused me to rethink my attitudes, i said moimeme played a part in clarifying my thinking. and a damn fine job she did too. you are tinterweb people and live in my computer, therefore you are not real. la la la.

 

Thinkalot, am just on my way out, will reply later on

 

BBTB.

 

(BigBelm The Bullied)

[kirkyswife]

I really enjoyed this post because I used to be very "angry" about alot of things - the world basically. I associated it with the world lacking common sense. Everything angered me from traffic on the freeway (what the hell is the purpose) to people with bad table manners. I had NO tolerance for anything. And then one day I couldn't get off the couch because I was crying - from the pit of my soul - I made it to the doctor that day and found out that I was suffering from Bipolar Disorder (my self diagnosis also indicates symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder). I grew up in a toxic dysfunctional household and have extremely low self esteem. I was physically, mentally and emotional abused (sexual abuse has not been ruled out or confirmed). My anger stemmed from 31 years of coping and not knowing what to do with all of my instabilties.

 

I am in counseling and I take medications, I have also eliminated "toxic" people from my life and working on coping with all my emotional baggage.

 

I think anger is natural when it is directed appropriately and non violent.

[ladyangel]

Kirkyswife - Thanks for that post. Hopefully it will help others. It was straight forward, sincere and based on your own personal experiences, not something you can learn from a book.

 

I'm glad you're being successfully treated. Sorry it took so long for someone to make the proper diagnosis. I know that must have been frustrating for you. You have my sympathy for the hard life you had to endure. I can relate to a lot of it.

 

Therapy and the proper medications go a long way towards making your life manageable and happy. I'm very proud of you! And I totally agree with you that "anger is natural when it is directed appropriately and non violent."

 

p.s. BigBelm, I'm glad you got help on this forum and I'm really not trying to bully you. Sorry if you misunderstood.

[moimeme]

I see a lot of myself in this description! I have to learn how to let things go!! Can I really just let them go?

 

Yes, but it's about taking a different perspective so that they don't annoy you in the first place, not about getting mad and then trying not to be. The trick is prevention.

 

What about when I know an injustice has been done to me?

 

There are a lot of variables to such a thing. How serious is the injustice? Are you caused harm or is it principle only? Who did it and why? Was trust betrayed? I never meant that one ought not be angry ever, though people keep taking it that way. Of course, if something really horrid is done to one, it makes sense that you'll be angry.

 

What about when I actually know I am right?

 

How important is it to you to be right and why? And what will it win you? Is it worth it?

 

What about when I have all these emotions bubbling inside me bursting to get out? What about times when I am feeling hurt and upset by somebody, and that makes me feel mad at the same time?

 

When you are hurt and upset, that's a good time to try to leave the scene and gain perspective. Often, when we recast the situation (and so many such situations are misunderstandings), we lose the hurt and upset and anger.

 

HOW DO I JUST LET IT ALL GO?

 

You have the same sort of uphill battle faced by kirkyswife and others - you have some chemicals and other situations which interfere with you being able to deal with this congnitively. Just as you *KNOW* you should not question BB incessantly but still can't stop yourself, so it would be the same with letting go of anger. OCD is getting-stuckness and not-able-to-let-go-ness. The therapy and meds should, I believe, help the anger as much as it does the OCD.

[hugznkisses21]

i see what u are saying............in relation to my post im a fight starter forsure....im always digging for info on the poor guy....so im sure he doesnt have a bad temper but in a not soo good mood.....and upsetting factors in his life dont help.

 

So it could have soemthing to do with him no active lifestyle, eating habits stress, quiting smokes?

[blind_otter]

This was me before I went in for treatment for clinical depression. The hormones from my BCP are also kicking in and helping to re-establish my hormonal balance RE: postpartum depression.

 

I think depression is a somewhat delusional state, and the depressive mind does have a certain kind of survival instinct - the desire to propogate the depressive attitude and continue interferring with functioning....

 

Funny thing, treating the depression is making it feel like so much less work just to live.

[moimeme]

So it could have soemthing to do with him no active lifestyle, eating habits stress, quiting smokes?

 

Possibly. The thing is that it has to be unusual behaviour, not behaviour that turns up regularly. That needs a whole other set of treatments.

[RowanRavyn]

This post made me homesick...I don't know if thats the right thing...but seeing ladyangel and samson's posts made me miss them.

[321]

i dont know if anybody can help me but how can you tell if you like someone because i had a girlfriend and somethings happend which ill tell if you ask and she told me to breakup with her so i can get my head clear she is very understanding so the hole time i thought abought it i kept fighting myself and i ended up breaking up with her which is stupid of me i know but im lost right now with my feelings i cant tell if i like her the same theres a part of me telling me dont give up you know you like her and then there is another part telling me to give up i dont know what to do i want to be with her but all that stuff is going through my head and i dont know what to do its really confusing me and i just want some help because finding somebody like her is hard and i dont want to mess that up i just want to know how do you know you like someone and i would like some advice please can someone help