Horribly muddled about my GParents

[ukstudent]

My parents were killed in a road accident in early 2010. I was only 17 so I had to go to live with my mum's parents. GParents didn't want me staying but there was nowhere else so they felt they had to have me. But there was never ANY chance of me living there for free. I had to sign an IOU every week until the estate got sorted out then pay all that I owed. After that it was a monthly payment.

 

It was always a bit of a clash of wills when I was staying at GParents home. At the start, perhaps for 6 months after mum and dad were filled, I was quite often in a frantically sad and stressed state. Quite little things used to upset me but my GParents just were not into feelings. I received so many slaps for little things I've lost count. I could write a book about that time of my life. Having something as simple as a lock on my bedroom door turned into a massive issue that was never sorted out. They used to knock, wait about 3 seconds, literally, then march in. It was ridiculous. I was a paying guest, paying quite a lot actually, with zero privacy. Not nice at all at 17. Twice I remember sitting on the bed topless on purpose hoping that somebody would come in so that the lock would get sorted out

 

Granddad was quite creepy, I used to feel quite uneasy if he came into my bedroom for a chat at bedtime, even if Nan was with him. I'm suprised that Nan allowed it. As soon as I was 18 and so classed as an adult I moved back into the family home. I was still lonely and sad but a lot better off than when I was living at G-Parents I can tell you! .

 

I have never worked out what the problem was between Granddad and me. After all he had two daughters of his own so wasn't a beginner at the job. The lack of privacy was the worst part but the slaps were a close second.

 

The gold medal slap was the first time I wore a bikini in the garden. I was getting a drink in the ktchen afterwards when he slapped my bottom so hard. The bikini was one of those that only covered about half my bottom so most of his slap was on bare skin. "What was that for?" - "You know quite well". I never did know!

 

It was only knowing - but not telling them - that I was going to move out at the end of year 12 at school (when I was 18) that made things bearable. I had a countdown in my head like people in prison do. I guessed that they simply would not think about doing anything for my 18th birthday (summer term time) )so I saved up my money, did most of the arranging myself and held it at mum and dads house. About 30 people and brilliant fun - the first time really I felt I was starting to get over the first ghastly part of mourning.

 

My aunt (Mum's sister) and her husband and my uncle (Dad's brother) and his wife took me and GParents out for a meal a different day. Nice presents from them but nothing at all from Gparents then or ever. Just a card. Just pure meanness.

 

I'm at a university in the UK now but I always resent my GParents and how little they did for me in a real crisis!!!

[january2011]

You been through a very traumatic experience and had a tough couple of years.

 

However, you have your whole life ahead of you and are no longer living with your grandparents.

 

I can't tell from your post whether or not you feel you have any deep unresolved issues or whether you just wanted to vent for a moment and that's it. If it's the former, I suggest looking into therapy, especially if you did not seek that kind of support after your parents' passed away. You may not get the answers to your grandfather's behaviour but therapy may be able to help you to get past the thoughts and get on with your life.

 

Otherwise, it may a case of just accepting that this is how it's going to be and minimising any future contact that you have with them.

[ukstudent]

You been through a very traumatic experience and had a tough couple of years.

 

However, you have your whole life ahead of you and are no longer living with your grandparents.

 

I can't tell from your post whether or not you feel you have any deep unresolved issues or whether you just wanted to vent for a moment and that's it. If it's the former, I suggest looking into therapy, especially if you did not seek that kind of support after your parents' passed away. You may not get the answers to your grandfather's behaviour but therapy may be able to help you to get past the thoughts and get on with your life.

 

Otherwise, it may a case of just accepting that this is how it's going to be and minimising any future contact that you have with them.

 

No it was more of a vent than anything else. My GParents seemed to have loved my mum and so I could never understand why they couldn't find it in themselves to show any love or compassion towards me. My aunt - my mum's sister - has told me things about her childhood which make me think that Granddad was/is a very controlling person (he was a teacher) and perhaps that was part of the problem. He wanted to control me and I lashed out against that. Certainly I don't plan to have much contact with either him or my nan in the future.

[Sugarkane]

I would limit contact with them as much as possible. Their behaviour is bizarre. After such a huge loss you needed all The love and support you could get. I can relate in that my dad Is a very controlling person also.