rightintentions17 Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Have you ever sat down and thought about, how many TRUE friends do you have? When I say TRUE freinds, im talking about people that would go out of the way to help you, or someone you could confide in without worrying about them telling others, or someone that is just there for you, and would take the time to listen to your problems. As i sit here thinking about this, out of the 7 "friends" i have, only 2 of them would i call a TRUE friend. And that is really getting to me.. I dont know what the point of this thread is, but its putting me in a sad mood Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Maybe you should try to look at it this way: You're very lucky to have any friends that have the qualities you describe-much less 2! I have 1 true friend that is not family. People that you have something in common with and truly enjoy enough to get close to are very hard to find. Everything is so rushed these days, there's so little time to make lasting friendships. Taking the time to foster good friendships is hard for so many. You're very fortunate to have 2 friends like that. Not every friend you have can or needs to be a true friend. Plus, just because your other friends aren't true doesn't mean that they're not someone elses's true friend. And just because they're not yours doesn't mean that you're not theirs. Did this make any sense at all? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I consider that I have only 2 true friends, one being my husband and one being my best friend (10 yrs). I'm totally okay with it, besides having a wonderful 1 1/2 yr old daughter, I feel complete with that. I dont know what the point of this thread is, but its putting me in a sad mood Don't be sad! It's better than having none Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I think two 'true friends' is plenty. I think you can't expect to have droves of them. Some people don't even have one true friend and are very sad reading your post. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 well, it's because all in all, most people don't want true friends. Meaning, more people would rather have lots of associative friends than actual true friends. I think it prolly has something to do with childhood and wanting to fit in or be accepted. It's the old quantity vs quality game. Very few people are comfortable only wanting very few things, friends included. I am one of those few who'll proudly proclaim my low low low number of exploits , and on top of that low number of what I call friends. To me most people in my life are associates, and in the average person's life they'll call those associates friends, but not me. Right now, in the present...I think I have one true friend. But even I'm not sure nowadays, you know? I know I am a true friend to this person and have been to other people...but you always have to look at things on the other side and see if they're looking at the same picture. I think that's why it's so important to me (if you've seen some of my posts relating) that someone I might be interested in romantically is also interested in me as a friend...a real true friend. When there's no sex involved and no dating game and you have no interest in someone as a friend what's the point of dating or having that gf/bf? So, right now I think I might have 1 true friend...but that is starting to lean towards 0. So you don't have to be sad...I'm not. I might have 0 true friends and I don't call anyone a friend plainly...well maybe 2 outside of this person. Then again if this person is just a friend but not a true friend I might then have 3 plain friends and 0 true friends. Was that a little confusing? Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I have 2 (maybe 3) true friends. I'm in my 30s and I feel like the older I get the fewer friends I have. Perhaps it's because I've grown and matured and weeded out the toxic relationships that I nurtured in my teens and twenties. I really long to have a friend close to my age who I can have lunch with, go to the mall with, and just simply chit chat with. I learned some bitter lessons about "friends" a couple years ago and it's left me very jaded. I'm hesitant to let people inside now and that in turn leaves me quite lonely at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Cupcake Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 This really is a depressing thought. I don't really have any friends who would be there for me no matter what, or whom I can really trust and share everything with. I am very sociable and I meet people easily. But the problem for me has always been, every person I meet, is already someone else's friend. Now that I think about it, it's the same way with a lot of the men I've dated as well. I've never mastered the skill, or I don't know the secret of getting someone to replace their old friends with me. Or at least add me to their list of friends. Right now, I have about 8 or 9 friends who invite me to parties and to hang out and stuff. But they all have their own best friends. Unfortunately, it's not me. Very depressing. Everytime I meet a new boyfriend, I try very hard to emphesize the friendship between us because that usually satisfies everything for me. But when I break up with them, I loose another friend, as well as companion. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Cupcake, I can totally relate. I always feel like a 5th wheel, so I end up just being a loner. Link to post Share on other sites
Cupcake Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Exactly !!! And then I end up avoiding my friends sometimes, because I hate for people to "know" that I'm a loner or I don't fit in. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I have a couple of close friends. Four of them I would consider to be true friends. There has been a number of times where they have gone out of their way to proove how important their friendship is to me. It makes you feel good that you know you have someone there to hang out with and help you out with things and vice verser. I can also be also a loner but it's good to have a choice. Whether you wanna do something on your own or share the time with your friends, boyfriend. My boyfriend has proven our relationship to me too. . He always goes out of his way to hang out with me and do nice things for me. I do the same for him too. In other past relationships it has been not quite the same. It's nice to have someone who totally respects you and doesn't take advantage of you either. This current relationship has been the best I have been in so far. Hopefully it lasts. . Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 rightintentions17 - I agree that it is not unusual at all to have only one "true friend" in the sense that you've described it. I have one that I think would fit the bill. She has proven herself to be a true friend many times in the past 12 years. I could call her anytime, day or night, and she would be by my side. I would do the same for her. I don't even consider her a friend...more of a sister. I consider myself very lucky to have someone like her. I'd rather have one of her than a dozen just plain friends, if that makes any sense. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I have several very real and great friends ... the kind you would rather walk over coals than to have to give up. These are the friends who know everything about you and still love you anyways It is easy for me to meet people and I have lots of acquaintances, but very hard for me to "get close". Those who take the time to really know me, they mean a great deal to me. Link to post Share on other sites
dawns19 Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Don't feel bad........ I have 33 friends and out of all of them I only have 1 TRUE friend, how sad is that? Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 I don't think it's sad at all. If all of your 33 firends were like the one true friend, then true friends wouldn't be special. I think it's only in comapring that we realize how few are true friends. All of your other friends seem to be lacking in comparison. But all of your friends are important-the all have different qualities. I know some situations are better suited for the true friend, but sometimes the other friends are what is called for. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 I would rather have the 5 true friends than a 1,000 friends... I have numerous "friends" but I have have 5 "true friends" my sister...(she is always there for me) Lorri (who I went to middle school with in 1986) Terri (who I went to school with in 1986) even though Lorri and Terri live in 2,000 miles away from me I could call them in a heartbeat and they would be there for me.. Angela... (been friends for 3 years now and a wonderful relationship because it is not a high mantiance friendship.. it just works) and Danny (yeah, the future hubby... but he would do anything in the world for me with no questions asked) Lady... I know how you feel about considering them your "sister" than a friend.... right.... be happy for the two you have!!! Some people out in the world have none! Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Magic Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 This is such a grey area. What is considered a "True Friend"? Is it the one that really is there in times of support and friendship, or is it the people that are your friend but then abuse this relationship because of their neediness all the time. I have both, but I prefer the friends that are there in times of support and just being a friend. I have too many of the other friends that just call you up when their car has died and they need a ride, or they gambled all their money away and need some quick cash as they are getting evicted and my other friend who fails to pay the power and the energy bills in the winter time and comes crying to me in the middle of the night that she can't sleep at her house as they turned off the utilities. These kind of friends I really do not need, but how does one get rid of them. They can not take the hint, answering the phone does not work, as they just come over and see that you are home, then you have to lie as to why you never answered the phone. Some days I really wish that I had no friends at all. Well the user friends that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Varacha Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 True friends, are hard to find, I think were lucky to have one true friend, however not everyone like myself has any true friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I only have one true friend, and I’ve known him since my childhood. Fancy I always feel like a 5th wheel, so I end up just being a loner.I know the feeling. I don’t like being the extra that just fills the void. It seems like most people are just too flaky and self-centered to have a real friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 To some extent we get out of relationships what we put in but so much of it is also down to luck and circumstance. I have 6 friends who I would do anything I could for and who would do the same for me. The nature of my work means that I change jobs more often than most. If you meet a lot of people, you are more likely to come across some who you have a lot in common with. Friendships are often formed when we share significant life experiences (eg. coping with newborns). Many men do not need close, supportive friendships. Their friendships are often functional, based on a specific interest (sport, work, drinking buddies). I think that's why those that do need friendships based more on support and sharing emotions find it harder to make close friends, particularly as many are not comfortable with such friendships with women. So, there may be many reasons why some have more friends than others. I think you may be sad because you feel inadequate in some way for not having more friends. The numbers are not important, it's the nature of the friendships that counts. The fact that you have two shows you have what it takes to be a true friend. That means you will make more if your circumstances allow. Link to post Share on other sites
beth1.8T Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 zero true friends here,...... Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 meanon Friendships are often formed when we share significant life experiences (eg. coping with newborns).In my case, it was slow and gradual. I think personality type is a big factor. You won’t be friends with people you don’t click with. The introverted researcher might not get along with an extraverted socialite. meanon I think that's why those that do need friendships based more on support and sharing emotions find it harder to make close friends, particularly as many are not comfortable with such friendships with women.I don’t see how a close friendship between a man and a woman (outside of a relationship or marriage) is beneficial to a man. If anything, it will only lead to trouble and heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Beth! What about your best friends, waht about Ian? (OK I'll admit I've been reading your profile ) I don’t see how a close friendship between a man and a woman (outside of a relationship or marriage) is beneficial to a man. If anything, it will only lead to trouble and heartache. That's true sometimes but it's not always so for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Out of all the friends I have, I think 4 of them are really TRUE friends. There's my cousin who is there for me no matter what, 2 friends from school, and a really sweet, wonderful guy who lives thousands of miles away from me. The three who go to school with me and I always get together and do stuff. So I guess my true friends are really my only friends. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Six, and I mean it. The six people that I consider true friends have really proven themselves to me over the years, and I am very thankful for them. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleInTheCity Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 My sister has always been my closest confidante - she's kept my secrets and felt my pain. She's always been there to listen and stood behind me when I needed support - she's the BEST of the BEST and always comes first. AND The Original Priddy Gurlz or The Fabulous 5 as we were referred to in highschool (and incorporated part of the name in our corporation). We have grown up together for the past 20+ years and aside from losing 1 dear friend, the 4 of us are migrating through life - it's ups and downs - together. Link to post Share on other sites
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