fool4love Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 How do you know if an ex is contacting you for a second chance or a friendship? The lines are so blurred after a breakup. Him and I broke up only 4 months ago, and now he has contacted me again (calling and emailing). I want to initiate contact slowly, and see where this could lead, but the question is, does he just want a friendship? It's really hard to tell. I don't want to ask him upfront, either. I don't want to force him to make a decision or tell me his feelings (guys aren't good at that)! Are there any warning signs that I should look out for or something I could say/do to get to the bottom of this? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Ask him up front. Be open and honest in your communication. Otherwise, what will be the basis of any friendship or relationship that follows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 I'm scared that I might push him away if I probe deeper into the "what are we" question. In my personal opinion, I don't think he knows what he wants. For guys...is this a bad sign? Do you think he will date other people to try to find out what he wants? I want to know what he wants...ALL or NOTHING? But saying that to an already confused guy is like pouring salt in a wound! Right? I guess I'm still confused about what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 fool4love First of all, what does he say during his calls or in his emails ? Try to see if there are hints about what he wants. Also, how long have you two been together in the past ? If it has been a long relationship then read on. I'm a guy and I can tell you this. When a guy moves on with his life and dates someone else he is convinced about then he USUALLY stops getting in touch with his ex. Men are a bit more straightforward on this matter. Just a hunch but if he's calling and emailing you then he is probably trying to see if you still have any romantic interest in him because he discovered he still has feelings for you. Keep on answering him but be very neutral about it (avoid the "us" talk at all costs). He is the one pursuing you, let him be the one to come out of the closet about his real intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Don't you think it's too soon for you two to be "friends" I mean what kind of friends are you going to be "F#cking Friends" or what? Sometimes you just need to wash your hands of it and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 I'm scared that I might push him away if I probe deeper into the "what are we" question. Friends never need to be afraid to ask friends questions such as these. As I said, your communication must be open and honest. No more dancing around one another and not saying what you want or how you feel. Could it be that this is one of the reasons your relationship got in trouble in the first place? Someone suggested that four months after the break up is too short a time to consider friendship. I'm not sure I agree with that, though I understand what she means. You have to handle this slightly differenly than you would other friendships. Job number one for you is to get some closure on what happened four months ago (you say the lines are blurred). It's a bad thing when anyone, man or woman, doesn't know what they want. I suspect that you are the same way. You say you want to be friends, but you write things that suggest you want your lover back. I think you need to decide if you want this man as a freind or a lover before you go much farther. If you don't and you want more or less than he does, the two of you will be at cross purposes. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueSmiles12 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 i was just wondering what the update on this situation is... because i find myself going through a very similar, if not identical, situation with my ex-boyfriend. a big difference is the time that we have been apart. we have been broken up for about a month now, just 1 month. but i have the same question -- does my ex want to be friends or more?? and i too, am finding it difficult to simply come right out and ask him. he has been contacting me a lot lately, well a lot more than he did when we first broke up. He randomly text messages me, basically letting me know that he is thinking about me. And I found it extremely questionable that he called me the night before he left for a European vacation "just to say bye". That was the first time he had called me in a month. Usually, he just im-ed me on instant messenger or text messaged me to talk. But we just caught up and I kept the conversation short and didn't mention anything about us. And then he insisted that we talk about whatever was on my mind, while I insisted that we wait until he get back to talk. Then he said he didn't want to "leave things hanging" and he didn't want to be freaking out all vacation that whatever was on my mind was bad. When I asked him what could be bad, he didn't respond. I am just generally confused because then the conversation led him into saying that it still feels like we are together, but we're not, and that he has not moved on on yet, contrary to my belief.... then he im's me just the other day as soon as he signed on.. what is extremely strange is that he signed on while in budapest just to talk to me.. and he just kept probing for what was new with me and he was joking with me about things like we had done when we were together... and when i mentioned that he was being confusing, he kept picking at why and said he just wants things to be better between us. but what does that mean?? better as in for a friendship or more???? i am VERY confused. Link to post Share on other sites
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