kji29 Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We fell in love and I have never cared about anyone this much:love:. He is working and I am a college student, but I am returning home in about a month, and am unsure of my plans for next fall. I am willing to try a long distance relationship, because we would have access to seeing one another quite a bit throughout the summer. The tricky thing is that he is a recovering addict. He has recently relapsed, as well as lied and stolen from me (this has happened more than once). He always comes forward with his mistakes, is genuinely sorry, does everything to make it up and continues on with his recovery. I know I have helped him immensely since we first met, but it all can be a lot to deal with. I am very understanding for I also have issues (anxiety, adhd) of my own that he copes with and supports. Still it feels like there is a lot of pressure on the relationship at times and I worry that I may put his issues before my own. But at the end of the day, I believe the pros still outweigh the cons. I want to stay together? But is it the right thing to do? Is it worth it? He is so thankful for my support and loves me very much. He wants to stay together and do what ever it takes, while I want to enjoy our time together and take it as it comes (because we are young and I am not sure what my future holds). I'm so scared to loose him, but I'm terrified of potentially hurting him and leading him to have a serious relapse, especially if I am so far away. Am I being selfish by staying with him, when he should be putting his recovery first? Do we try to make the long distance thing work, or just enjoy sure the time we have left? Do we stay together, or end it now before we grow any closer? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I'm really sorry, but from what you've posted, your bf is looking for enabling from you - and he's found it. Stealing and lying to you more than once should not be acceptable to you. Why is it? Is stealing and lying OK because he has the disease of addiction? No. It's not. When he picks up his drug, he is making a choice. If he's been in recovery, he knows what he needs to do and he is not doing it. I strongly urge you, and practically beg you, to let this person go work his program without you. Not because you are harmful to him (you might be, and might not be) but because he is certainly harmful to you. A person in his situation really has nothing to offer in a relationship and almost definitely is using you to help him feed his addiction, one way or another. I have been on both sides of this story. I'm a recovering addict with 24 years clean and sober. And, my ex husband, who I loved dearly, was clean and sober for about 14 years of our marriage and then he relapsed. We divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 i would suggest alanon. i would also venture to guess you have a love addict side to you as "care taker". Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Yes, definitely Alanon. I forgot to mention that in my post. I hope for the best for you, this is not a good situation but you are only 4 months in. No matter how much you feel you love him, you can move on if you choose and it's not cruel or evil of you to so choose. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Get the EF out of there. Seriously. Run. Too much risk involved. He's already lied and stolen from you. Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 His recovery has to come first. I am a recovering addict dating a recovering addict. We both put our recovery first. You also have to take care of yourself. Go to alanon and see what they have to say. I am sure they would be a big help to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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