Used, Dumped and Furious!

[MissBee]

I admit, I do have self-esteem issues. I think they got worse after my H's A. I felt fat, ugly and unattractive.

 

I think MM being so handsome did make me feel good about myself and to know that he wanted me over his beautiful W felt good too. I was able to find photos of her online early in our A. That was something she said in her email as well, that he told her that he felt bad about himself when she rejected him so he picked a plain woman because he knew I would never leave him. He told me I was pretty but he did admit that his W was beautiful. He never called me beautiful and I always felt jealous of her. Now that he's picked her I feel foolish and I'm back to feeling fat, ugly and unattractive.

 

During the A, he said looks don't matter if there is no emotional connection. He said there wasn't one with his w. I guess I bought it all.

 

And yes, he did lose it when I called. I've never heard him that angry before....I guess I just assumed he was putting it on for his W.

 

She said not to contact him but she didn't say not to email her.

.

 

Don't email her please...I'm sure she doesn't want you to contact her either.

 

Please read and re-read the bolded. That is the brunt of your problems....not this man. Believe it or not. I too spent a lot of time believing my ex and my "love" for him was what was plaguing me and if only he came back, all would be well. But no. The Universe had other plans and made sure we didn't get back together so that I could see that that was not what it was about. I needed the loss of him to make me realize how much I allowed men to validate me and determine my worth and how I'd cling to wanting that love and how I'd blow in the wind of a man's mood...if he loved me or was treating me nicely I felt worthy and if not, my whole day/week was ruined. I learned and am still un-learning those behaviors....and you need to as well.

 

 

Your self-esteem and self-worth are the problems...not this man. All you've described is unhealthy and you "getting him back" won't solve your problems. You still have low self-esteem with or without a man and as quick as he leaves your self-esteem plummets. You need to get your self-esteem up independent of a man and his feelings.

 

TheRightWoman....everyone comes here secretly KNOWING their problem, no matter how they protest. Print, bold and re-read your messages and really absorb the TRUTH. This man doesn't love you, he chose you because of your low self-esteem and because you are plain and won't leave him, he chose you to stroke HIS ego....but he does not love or value you. WHY would you want him back? No need to answer to me....you just need to start journaling or something and be honest with yourself.

[TheRightWoman]

Did his wife find out the first time he came back?

 

Let me let you in on a secret. A few years ago I felt like I was madly inlove with my ex. We broke up and in the span of 9 months he got 2 other girlfriends....but he kept "coming back to me", "because he missed me"....then he left again!!! Fast forward to 3 years later. He is gone for good and good riddance!

 

At the time I was delusional and felt he was my 'twin soul' and that he kept coming back because he loved me and we were meant to be and cosmic forces were keeping us apart . In reality he had tons of issues and so did I and he probably came back because I was comfortable and I ALLOWED him to come back. It wasn't about love. Missing someone doesn't mean you love them or that you are meant to be.

 

You can wait but you'll most likely wait in vain. I suggest you see a counselor...perhaps you will believe what a professional has to say in person over us on LS. It's not wrong to have hope...but hope in what? This situation is nothing to build your hopes on. You already said you love him more etc...and his actions now are evidence of that....so what are you waiting for? A miracle? It most likely won't come. I'm not trying to be harsh....but really...

 

In any case I do know from experience that you have to sometimes see for yourself and no amount of LS members beating you over the head with what we see as obvious will help. We have many members who were where you were and today can say they have grown from the desperation and denial they were in when they they first came here and as time went by. So it's a process. Hopefully you stick around.

 

No, she did not know the first time he left me for 4 months. MM said that he was certain if his W ever found out, she would throw him out. He seemed certain of it.

 

I guess I thought she would kick him out for sure too.

 

His W found out when he told her after I called the house. At least I think he told her. I can't be sure if she saw the number and asked him who this person was or if he just sat her down and told her outright . He did say she asked if there was someone else when he asked for a D. Maybe she suspected.

 

I will stick around the forums. I know this situation is messed up. I just wanted to talk to him one last time and I see now, that was desperate. I wanted closure. I wanted to ask him some questions but he will not speak to me or text me or email me. He has gone silent. I guess that's my answer. He is done. He picked his W and their stupid sexless M.

[TheRightWoman]

woooow!

 

so you're ready to restart the affair if it comes down to that? whatever it takes to keep him in your life?

 

woooow!

 

Yes, I admit I would continue in the A. I thought this forum was for the ow/om. I admit I do want to be with my MM. I want to be with him that badly.

 

I am embarrassed by how much I love this man and how much I have been willing to give for him but I'm not the first OW to wait for a man, am I? A friend of mine was an OW and now she is married to her MM. Their A was not smooth sailing either. Her MM also went back and forth a couple times before deciding on her. He only went back to his M out of guilt because of the kids. My MM is going back for the kids too I think. He loves his kids but I do know that he will not be happy forever with his W if he hasn't been in the past. Why would this time be any different?

 

Are you a BS? You seem very angry with me.

[spice4life]

Doing what? Trying to figure out where I stand this time?

 

I have loved this man for over a year. I have never loved anyone like this including my H. I want to be with him. I want to be able to come out with our R.

 

He has come back to me before...

 

Because he missed me.

 

Is it so wrong for me to have hope? That's why I'm here. To see if someone can make sense of this because I'm in it and I'm clearly not thinking straight because I can't eat, sleep or function very well at the moment. I cry constantly. I've never been so heartbroken in my life. Even my H's cheating didn't affect me like this!

 

I plan to wait for this man right now. I can't move on so I'm trying to see if anyone has any advice. I've been reading the forums....sometimes after D-day, the MM comes back. Or that A goes underground. I have been reading. If others still see their MM after DD and some leaves their W's, am I so wrong to hope my MM will? I mean a sexless M when he clearly needs sex and couldn't live without and cheated because of it must mean it's a top need of his so I can't see his M lasting...

 

I know it hurts, but I wouldn't count on him coming back. If he does, it will most likely be for sex only because he knows how you feel about him. He knows you will move heaven and earth for him, so it will be easy to get his sexual needs met with you. Then he will go back to his everyday life with his wife and put you back on the shelf. Is that what you want? You are willing to settle for crumbs just to be with him? Because honestly, that is all you will get if he does contact you again. That is something you need to really take a look at before deciding to cling onto hope. There really isn't any hope in this situation.

 

You will probably not listen to the advice you have been given here, but I garauntee if he comes back, you will get less and less until you wake up and realize he is not leavng his wife. If you accept him back, this cycle will continue for years before you finally decide enough is enough and walk. If a man wants to remain in a sexless marriage and has a woman on the side to meet his needs, he will toss crumbs at her for years until SHE tells him to take a hike. If you are willing to accept those terms without expectations, then fine, but that's probably all you will get from him.

 

I hope you choose the healthier choice and heal and move on for your own sake. It may hurt now, but you will get through it and be a lot wiser to boot.

 

Good luck to you.

[Trimmer]

Our M is open. My H leaves me alone. By abuse, I meant neglect, cheating, ignoring my needs.

 

My H thinks I'm falling apart and want MM to take me back so I'm not depressed and crying. He does care about me even if he isn't in love with me.

In the future, I suggest you use a different word than "abusive" for your husband. That word is usually taken pretty seriously.

 

His W told me that he did ask her for a D and did plan to move out but then backed down. I think she manipulated him.

I know this has been pointed out, but if she - his wife, to whom he is married - used whatever negotiating currency she had to convince him to stay with her, and you consider that "manipulation", what do you call it when you threaten to tell his wife he's having an affair, to convince him to stay with you?

 

I know it's messed up but I got into it because he said his M was dead like mine. that it was sexless. That his W didn't care.

 

Now suddenly she cares and he always just wanted her?? Don't you understand why I feel used? He lied. ....He lied right from the start and yes, I am angry and probably not thinking clearly.

See, earlier you said he didn't lie about certain points (about the state of his marriage, which you heard his wife confirm) but then you have to see that he did lie about anything needed to keep you where he wanted you to be.

 

BUT HIS WIFE told me that their marriage was sexless herself! It was NOT A LIE. I posted this earlier. I have spoken to her via email. She told me she rejected him first.

 

Okay, yes I am confused. I will admit to that...

Yes, he did lie, he didn't lie, etc.... Bottom line: he didn't lie sometimes but that's not much comfort, when it's clear that he did lie sometimes... About big stuff.

 

So can I take comfort in the fact that he's probably lying to her right now and he didn't actually want her? That he cheated because he's a jerk and he'll probably just do it again?

No, you don't rely on anything about him for comfort, because that just gives him power atain. You hope to eventually find comfort in the fact that you are now away from him, his lying and cheating, and that you are back in control of your own life. Use that control to live more wisely as you move into your future.

 

Yes, I am holding on. I love him. I know that's clique but I can't let go just yet. I need to know the entire truth first.

Ack - you're going to have to get over that, because it's almost certainly not going to happen.

 

Is it so wrong for me to have hope? That's why I'm here.

Honestly, I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I do think it's self-destructive. I am pretty sure your path forward is without him, so the longer you cling to that "hope", the longer you delay moving forward, the longer you will instead remain wallowing in this:

...I'm in it and I'm clearly not thinking straight because I can't eat, sleep or function very well at the moment. I cry constantly. I've never been so heartbroken in my life.

... prolonging that pain, and postponing the start of healing

 

I plan to wait for this man right now. I can't move on so I'm trying to see if anyone has any advice.

 

I've been reading the forums....sometimes after D-day, the MM comes back. Or that A goes underground. I have been reading.

Oh man... do keep reading: how many of those work out "for the best", vs how many of them crash and burn, sometimes over and over again?

 

Advice: I believe that he is most likely not coming back. I believe you will not ever be able to learn "the truth" sufficient to understand him and his choice. I believe that the time you spend waiting for him is stagnant, wasted time you could be healing and making some kind - any kind - of forward progress in your life.

 

I think the start of your closure will have to come, eventually, from your acceptance that he's not coming back, and you will never get to understand why. You passionately don't want either of those things to be true, and as a defense mechanism, you will refuse to believe them for some time; this will impede getting your life moving forward again. It's all a matter of when you will come to accept these two things.

 

Best of luck getting back on track again.

[MissBee]

No, she did not know the first time he left me for 4 months. MM said that he was certain if his W ever found out, she would throw him out. He seemed certain of it.

 

I guess I thought she would kick him out for sure too.

 

His W found out when he told her after I called the house. At least I think he told her. I can't be sure if she saw the number and asked him who this person was or if he just sat her down and told her outright . He did say she asked if there was someone else when he asked for a D. Maybe she suspected.

 

I will stick around the forums. I know this situation is messed up. I just wanted to talk to him one last time and I see now, that was desperate. I wanted closure. I wanted to ask him some questions but he will not speak to me or text me or email me. He has gone silent. I guess that's my answer. He is done. He picked his W and their stupid sexless M.

 

Chances are he came back the first time because she didn't know...now that she does, he most likely won't.

 

Point is: you are not his first choice by any stretch. You NEVER were. He settled by choosing you. You said so yourself in terms of him picking you because you were plain and he feels his wife is beautiful etc. He values his wife, not you. Harsh pill to swallow, but you must swallow it and REFUSE to allow him to come back or to get hung up. Your self-esteem is probably too low to even imagine wanting better and it's obviously hard for you to see how much you are settling by wishing for a man who chose you because you were not attractive enough to leave him. This is sad...what would you say if your daughter, sister or friend said this?

 

EVERY woman deserves a man who chooses her as much as she chooses him, who values her, thinks she is hot, smart, lovable, would go the extra mile for her, is proud to be with her, wants to put her on the top of his priority list and show her off to the world, etc. No woman should be happy about or want a man who wants her as the less attractive side piece who'll never leave because frankly he feels she can do no better. How horrible is that?!

[TheRightWoman]

Don't email her please...I'm sure she doesn't want you to contact her either.

 

Please read and re-read the bolded. That is the brunt of your problems....not this man. Believe it or not. I too spent a lot of time believing my ex and my "love" for him was what was plaguing me and if only he came back, all would be well. But no. The Universe had other plans and made sure we didn't get back together so that I could see that that was not what it was about. I needed the loss of him to make me realize how much I allowed men to validate me and determine my worth and how I'd cling to wanting that love and how I'd blow in the wind of a man's mood...if he loved me or was treating me nicely I felt worthy and if not, my whole day/week was ruined. I learned and am still un-learning those behaviors....and you need to as well.

 

 

Your self-esteem and self-worth are the problems...not this man. All you've described is unhealthy and you "getting him back" won't solve your problems. You still have low self-esteem with or without a man and as quick as he leaves your self-esteem plummets. You need to get your self-esteem up independent of a man and his feelings.

 

TheRightWoman....everyone comes here secretly KNOWING their problem, no matter how they protest. Print, bold and re-read your messages and really absorb the TRUTH. This man doesn't love you, he chose you because of your low self-esteem and because you are plain and won't leave him, he chose you to stroke HIS ego....but he does not love or value you. WHY would you want him back? No need to answer to me....you just need to start journaling or something and be honest with yourself.

 

 

I can see myself in this post. I do understand what you are saying. I did give him lots of compliments and I'm sure he felt good about that and that fed his ego but he's a good looking man, so I'm sure he's used to them.

 

I guess I thought I was special because he picked me.

 

His W sent me an article on how to move on after a bad break-up. I was going to respond to her via email but mostly because I'm angry and I felt she did it to hurt me but maybe she was sending it to me to help. I don't know.

 

It's like I can't stop obsessing about this mess and MM and his W. I'm even obsessing over her. I keep looking at her Facebook photos and Googling her. It's sick but I can't stop myself. Maybe it keeps me connected to him.

[MissBee]

I can see myself in this post. I do understand what you are saying. I did give him lots of compliments and I'm sure he felt good about that and that fed his ego but he's a good looking man, so I'm sure he's used to them.

 

I guess I thought I was special because he picked me.

 

His W sent me an article on how to move on after a bad break-up. I was going to respond to her via email but mostly because I'm angry and I felt she did it to hurt me but maybe she was sending it to me to help. I don't know.

 

It's like I can't stop obsessing about this mess and MM and his W. I'm even obsessing over her. I keep looking at her Facebook photos and Googling her. It's sick but I can't stop myself. Maybe it keeps me connected to him.

 

Google the site Baggage Reclaim and read...it is a great site filled with lots of articles and stories that I am sure you will be able to relate to. I and many others here have found it to be so helpful! I think reading throughout will allow you to see where your feelings are coming from, what they ACTUALLY mean and that you are only one of MANY women who go through this.

[TheRightWoman]

I know it hurts, but I wouldn't count on him coming back. If he does, it will most likely be for sex only because he knows how you feel about him. He knows you will move heaven and earth for him, so it will be easy to get his sexual needs met with you. Then he will go back to his everyday life with his wife and put you back on the shelf. Is that what you want? You are willing to settle for crumbs just to be with him? Because honestly, that is all you will get if he does contact you again. That is something you need to really take a look at before deciding to cling onto hope. There really isn't any hope in this situation.

 

You will probably not listen to the advice you have been given here, but I garauntee if he comes back, you will get less and less until you wake up and realize he is not leavng his wife. If you accept him back, this cycle will continue for years before you finally decide enough is enough and walk. If a man wants to remain in a sexless marriage and has a woman on the side to meet his needs, he will toss crumbs at her for years until SHE tells him to take a hike. If you are willing to accept those terms without expectations, then fine, but that's probably all you will get from him.

 

I hope you choose the healthier choice and heal and move on for your own sake. It may hurt now, but you will get through it and be a lot wiser to boot.

 

Good luck to you.

 

When you put it like this, it does seem foolish. He came back before and he fell in love with me or at least said he loved me so I guess I feel that I can make him happy and that he will love me again if we spend more time together.

 

I know, I know. Crumbs.

 

I don't want crumbs. I didn't mind at first because it was fun and casual. Then I fell for him and he started with the promises.

 

I guess when it came down to it, he freaked at the thought of leaving his kids.

[MissBee]

When you put it like this, it does seem foolish. He came back before and he fell in love with me or at least said he loved me so I guess I feel that I can make him happy and that he will love me again if we spend more time together.

 

I know, I know. Crumbs.

 

I don't want crumbs. I didn't mind at first because it was fun and casual. Then I fell for him and he started with the promises.

 

I guess when it came down to it, he freaked at the thought of leaving his kids.

 

I don't think so....

 

I don't think he truly loved you at all. It has nothing to do with his kids IMO and I think you know this too but are spinning a tale that soothes your ego to make it seem like it wasn't that he just didn't love you but it's because of something else...confusion, kids, anything else but the truth.

 

I am not trying to be rude at all but I'm in my twenties and have experienced thus far that people are sometimes fickle. Men sometimes say stuff they don't mean or that they meant in one instance and later on do not. It seems as though you cannot wrap your head around how a man could change his mind or even pretend. This happens a lot....

 

Has your heart ever been broken before?

[TheRightWoman]

Trimmer, I should have said emotionally abusive. He also called me names a lot. Fat, lazy. Sorry for the confusion. Just getting my thoughts out quickly.

 

 

I agree with everything else you said in theory. It's just wrapping my heart around it that's not quite working yet.

 

I'm not going to lie. I want him back still. After reading and knowing I sound "crazy", I still love him and would take the idiot back again.

 

And continue the A knowing that his W knew...

 

I feel horrible but I can't lie and say I suddenly can stop wanting him or loving him after one night of posting on a forum.

 

I wish it was that easy because this all really hurts.

[TheRightWoman]

I don't think so....

 

I don't think he truly loved you at all. It has nothing to do with his kids IMO and I think you know this too but are spinning a tale that soothes your ego to make it seem like it wasn't that he just didn't love you but it's because of something else...confusion, kids, anything else but the truth.

 

I am not trying to be rude at all but I'm in my twenties and have experienced thus far that people are sometimes fickle. Men sometimes say stuff they don't mean or that they meant in one instance and later on do not. It seems as though you cannot wrap your head around how a man could change his mind or even pretend. This happens a lot....

 

Has your heart ever been broken before?

 

He did scream at me that he never really loved me and was just confused due to being rejected by his W but I thought that was for her benefit because it was the day he was screaming at me on the phone. I heard her in the background so I know she was there.

 

As for a broken heart, yes my H broke my heart when he cheated on me. It took me a long time to feel happy again. Now I feel indifferent because time has made me feel less angry or maybe my MM helped heal my pain. Being with him made me very happy and I never understood why his W wanted out of the M and told him she was leaving when the kids were older. He was such a good looking and kind man. I would have loved to have been married to him. That's why I feel she does not deserve him.

 

Yes, I will check out that site you suggested.

[MissBee]

Trimmer, I should have said emotionally abusive. He also called me names a lot. Fat, lazy. Sorry for the confusion. Just getting my thoughts out quickly.

 

 

I agree with everything else you said in theory. It's just wrapping my heart around it that's not quite working yet.

 

I'm not going to lie. I want him back still. After reading and knowing I sound "crazy", I still love him and would take the idiot back again.

 

And continue the A knowing that his W knew...

 

I feel horrible but I can't lie and say I suddenly can stop wanting him or loving him after one night of posting on a forum.

 

I wish it was that easy because this all really hurts.

 

No doubt your husband's emotional abuse has eroded your self esteem to absolutely nothing where you have no clue what is acceptable anymore. My heart hurts for you

 

I sincerely mean that. It saddens me to see someone with a broken spirit who is looking at a pile of feces as though it is a decadent meal...i.e. how you're looking at this married man who doesn't love you.

 

Healing from emotional abuse takes CONSCIOUS effort. IMO, someone who has suffered emotional abuse and who has low self-esteem is not fit to enter ANY relationship. Until they heal and love themselves again first, basically they are like a drunk driver operating a "love-car". They have no sense of perception to operate safely and get to where they need to. They are pretty reckless, disobeying the law and will hurt themselves and others.

 

I don't think you can really love this man if you don't love yourself. You are mistaking your clinging to him for love and again, you are not looking at the root of your problems. IT'S NOT HIM! Him coming back WILL NOT solve it. You really should seek some individual counseling and you should leave your POS husband. Having him call you fat, lazy, etc around your kids is hurting them too! You need to get counseling to get strength to demand more....as if you loved yourself you'd not allow this and you'd never be hoping to play crumb-collector for a married man who doesn't love you . Please do take this to heart and put yourself first for once, for your kid's sake.

[TheRightWoman]

No doubt your husband's emotional abuse has eroded your self esteem to absolutely nothing where you have no clue what is acceptable anymore. My heart hurts for you

 

I sincerely mean that. It saddens me to see someone with a broken spirit who is looking at a pile of feces as though it is a decadent meal...i.e. how you're looking at this married man who doesn't love you.

 

Healing from emotional abuse takes CONSCIOUS effort. IMO, someone who has suffered emotional abuse and who has low self-esteem is not fit to enter ANY relationship. Until they heal and love themselves again first, basically they are like a drunk driver operating a "love-car". They have no sense of perception to operate safely and get to where they need to. They are pretty reckless, disobeying the law and will hurt themselves and others.

 

I don't think you can really love this man if you don't love yourself. You are mistaking your clinging to him for love and again, you are not looking at the root of your problems. IT'S NOT HIM! Him coming back WILL NOT solve it. You really should seek some individual counseling and you should leave your POS husband. Having him call you fat, lazy, etc around your kids is hurting them too! You need to get counseling to get strength to demand more....as if you loved yourself you'd not allow this and you'd never be hoping to play crumb-collector for a married man who doesn't love you . Please do take this to heart and put yourself first for once, for your kid's sake.

 

 

Yes, I deserved better than my H but since we agreed to an open M, he's been a good friend. It was when we had a real M that he was horrible when we fought. We don't fight anymore so the emotional abuse is over.

 

Thank you for your kindness MissBee. You have been wonderful. I will re-read this thread and all the good advice... and try to stop obsessing over what I thought we had. I don't want to believe MM didn't love me. I guess I'm afraid to admit that maybe he did not and maybe he's just messed up and a hurt person too and he reacted poorly to the problems in his M. i suppose that would make me feel better than finding out he's a sleazy liar who was using me.

 

I should also admit that earlier before I began posting that I sent his w some articles on sexless marriages since she sent me an article first. It was silly and I did it to poke at her so admittedly she may still email me but after that, I will stop emailing her.

[seren]

Right Woman, you sound like your self esteem is in the toilet and I can understand why you would feel that way, the MM's actions are doing nothing to help you feel any different and that on top of the destrucion of your esteem by your H's affair, frankly I am not suprised you saw the MM as your Knight in Shining Armour. I can also understand why you continue to believe his wife is somehow manipulating him to stay or that he will want to leave, to think otherwise means that he isn't who you thought him to be, his words were lies and that you have been used. Not a nice thing to process for anyone.

 

If you feel fat, ugly or unattractive have a plan about what it is you would want to change, for you, as for being plain, you know it really isn't how you look, but how you are that really matters in the long term. Can you feel good about you, as a person, a Mum, a friend? That says more to me than simply being blessed with great genetics.

 

I will say agin, a sexless marriage does not mean a marriage without love or intimacy. If sex was that important to the MM he would have bailed years ago, you have no idea why they don't have sex, there can be all sorts of reasons, you don't know and frankly it isn't your business. Quit with the badgering his wife, her marriage is her business and you have no place in that, as hard as it might be for you. I wonder if it is a distraction from your own problems, try concentrating on you, make a change today and I hope you can look at the A for what it was, not only from your viewpoint of what it was, but by looking at the MM's actions since D Day. As they say, actions speak louder than words and his are saying it's over.

I hope you find peace of mind and life gets better for you.

[standtall]

Just a poster...couldn't have said it better. An OW who thinks any different has been proven wrong time and time again.

[Gentlegirl2]

BUT HIS WIFE told me that their marriage was sexless herself! It was NOT A LIE. I posted this earlier. I have spoken to her via email. She told me she rejected him first.

 

Okay, yes I am confused. I will admit to that...

 

So can I take comfort in the fact that he's probably lying to her right now and he didn't actually want her? That he cheated because he's a jerk and he'll probably just do it again?

 

I wouldn't take comfort in anything about him or his wife... dysfunctional to say the least. You would do well to keep out of it . It can only lead to more confusion and hurt for you. Let them sort it out.

 

It would be good to sort out the mess you have at home. Until you do that, you really can't be contemplating anything with anybody else.

I wonder how long you will stay with a husband who mistreats you so. Don't trust the other one to leave and be prince charming.

 

I do feel for your confusion and pain... been there as many of us her on LS have.

 

GG

[Angelina527]

His W emailed my H and told him but he already knew. I am not lying. Our M is open. My H leaves me alone. By abuse, I meant neglect, cheating, ignoring my needs.

 

My H thinks I'm falling apart and want MM to take me back so I'm not depressed and crying. He does care about me even if he isn't in love with me.

 

From someone who truly was in an abusive marriage, please know that the things you mentioned are not abuse. Except, perhaps, for the cheating, but how can that be if you're in an open marriage???

 

But back to the original topic. Their marriage is absolutely none of your business. Their sex life, or lack thereof, is none of your business. The reasons they stay together are none of your business.

 

You are not his victim. You KNEW he was married. Married men make promises they can't keep all the time...sure, it sucks, but you know what? He made more important promises to his wife.

 

He has made it clear that he wants no contact, so you should respect that. If not for the fact that it makes you look very unstable, then do it because to do otherwise could land you in a courtroom.

[daisy love]

Girl, you got to be still. If he loves you, he gonna come back. I know this for real. You gots to stop with the drama and contacting them. Leave them alone and give him some time to cool off. He may start missing you and call you. Be nice when he does and tell him how much you missed him and love him and will wait for him cause you want him to be happy. He can't come back if you don't give him a chance, ya know?

 

Be still, girl. Be still.

Edited April 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inflammatory remarks

[bentnotbroken]

Stop making excuses by blaming his wife for his choices. She can't control his piss poor habits anymore than you can. He is a douche and you need to get help for your issues. NO one should be the source of how you feel about yourself...been there, done that, burned the t-shirt.

Edited April 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
inflammatory remarks

[jphcbpa]

read this online... "I have not left my spouse for another, so I know both sides of this ugly little dead-end game.

 

Why haven't I left my spouse for another -- like Helen G.B. said, "The children - community property - he's a pretty good friend" and I know ultimately that the sex addicts that I attract and are attracted to me have not offered me anything more (and generally much less) than what I have now."

[stillafool]

He was such a good looking and kind man. I would have loved to have been married to him. That's why I feel she does not deserve him.

 

 

 

You seem to be hung up on this man's looks. You have mentioned how good looking he is in at least 5 of your posts. His looks seem to be the reason you don't want to let him go. Maybe he feels the same way about his wife and that's why he would stay with her even without sex. You need to move on with your life.

[nofool4u]

I called MM and told him that this was all so unfair to me. He used me. He told me to wait for him and be patient. He lied. I waited for a year for this man.

 

Oh please, you cheated on your husband, helped this MM cheat on his wife, and YOU feel used and furious?

 

The only people who have the right to feel angry in this situation is his wife and your husband.

 

You latched on to him because he was gorgeous, but he was married and you bought his bs about being unhappy in his marriage. You got what you asked for.

[Artie Lang]

no offense Brighter, but this guy sounds exactly like your own husband.

 

a total narcissistic d*uchebag, who has an OW who just won't give up; and a wife who can't see past his faults. all this because of his "looks."

 

or am i missing something here?

 

 

again, i mean no disrespect. the MM men just sound so similar.

[LoveTKO]

*****Are you kidding me????? You broke one of the main RULES when you are involved in THE GAME known as an affair.......what were you thinking???? YOU NEVER THREATEN YOUR LOVER with blackmail, extortion, or whatever else under the sun, just because you feel used. That is a 100% guarantee for your married lover to NEVER contact you again. Your deal with this confused married lover is done and over with.

 

1) His wife was condescending and dismissive towards you? Well, WTF do you expect, a floral arrangement and a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond? she has every right to be pissed at you.

 

2) Things are never as bad as the WS purports things to be in the marriage...never! If things were as bad as he claims, he would have left before he met you.

 

3) I know that you are in love with this guy and you felt used and what not, but the only way this WS would have continued chasing you is if YOU were the one backing off on texting, phone calls, or other forms of communication. People who play games (cheating on a spouse) like challenges and excitement. You turned out to be another headache in his life. You're probably a nice person, and don't take this the wrong way, but you showed your true colors by going in "shock and awe" mode all over this player.

 

 

*** rule #1 do not get emotionally involved with married people. You're setting yourself up for failure and a major heartache.