Used, Dumped and Furious!

[TheRightWoman]

see how he's turning it around on you-- he's shaming you. you just got thrown under the bus.

 

where's his shame?!

 

 

 

 

he never intended on leaving his wife for you.

 

 

 

wow! he really loved you, huh?

 

this guy is a total narcissist; a user; a manipulator-- his looks feed his ego. a total D*OUCHEBAG!

 

sorry, but you got played like a fiddle, darlin'.

 

he threw you under the bus at every opportunity.

 

you didn't even meet his standards according to him. he was only with you because he was disconnected from his "beautiful" wife.

 

even called you a psycho(not in those words), but suggested therapy.

 

 

 

 

nice parting shot.....let your husband and family deal with you now.

 

 

don't say, i(we) didn't tell you so.

 

I guess if he's a narcissist, a user, a manipulator and a total D*OUCHEBAG then he will probably cheat on his W again! So she didn't really get the "prize" then. She didn't win the good man. I've been looking at this like I lost and she won and I was left lonely but if he's a narcissist then I guess he will be looking for his next ego stroke soon?

[LoveTKO]

@Artie Lang....but keep in mind that he is on the offensive right now because he was "outed", or blackmailed. Had she not contacted the wife he would have stretched the affair out as long as possible, not mention send her lovey dovey emails here and there.

 

***He is showing this email to his wife as proof that things are finally over. It's an ongoing game whichever way you look at it.

 

Why do people even get married??

[KathyM]

Sounds to me like he's committed to making his marriage work, and now realizes how foolish he was, and how close he came to losing his wife, and now fully intends to make amends to her in whatever way he can. He's darn lucky she gave him the chance. I doubt most women would. Hopefully this whole experience has taught you to not be messing around where you don't belong. Fix your own marriage, or leave it, but don't go screwing up other people's marriages. It rarely works out in the OW's favor, and in the rare times she ends up with the guy, he's likely to cheat on her, since he had no respect for her to begin with.

[TheRightWoman]

@Artie Lang....but keep in mind that he is on the offensive right now because he was "outed", or blackmailed. Had she not contacted the wife he would have stretched the affair out as long as possible, not mention send her lovey dovey emails here and there.

 

***He is showing this email to his wife as proof that things are finally over. It's an ongoing game whichever way you look at it.

 

Why do people even get married??

 

Do you really think it would still being going on had I not blackmailed him? He wasn't seeing me very often or texting me as much so that's why I got a little worried he was leaving me. He kept saying he was busy and I hadn't seen him in almost a month which is the longest we went without seeing each other...

 

Do you mean if I had been patient, he would have come back eventually?

[Artie Lang]

i get that Love, but it doesn't negate the fact he's a total weenie.

 

nowhere in that e-mail does he accept responsibility for his actions. as you said he's in damage control right now.

 

he keeps deflecting any responsibility by claiming he was sooo unhappy-- OWN YOUR ***** MFer!

 

he makes her look so bad in this e-mail.....like he's jsut too good for her. he casts her off like some cheap floozy. so sad.

 

believe it or not, i feel truly bad for you, but you just won't listen.

 

i almost bet that you are still in denial..... thinking his wife "made" him write this. or am i mistaken?

[LoveTKO]

Do you really think it would still being going on had I not blackmailed him? He wasn't seeing me very often or texting me as much so that's why I got a little worried he was leaving me. He kept saying he was busy and I hadn't seen him in almost a month which is the longest we went without seeing each other...

 

Do you mean if I had been patient, he would have come back eventually?

 

 

Yes, he would have come back, but not the way you wanted it along the lines of a healthy relationship. He wants to keep the affair (sex, passion) going; at the same time, he made up his mind a long time ago that leaving the marriage is not what he wanted all along because he is a big baby.

 

WS' always ride this roller coaster with you...some days they're very affectionate and attentive, only to do a 180 on you by acting distant. This is the name of the game called an affair. You have to accept these rules should you decided to get involved with someone who is married.

[TheRightWoman]

i get that Love, but it doesn't negate the fact he's a total weenie.

 

nowhere in that e-mail does he accept responsibility for his actions. as you said he's in damage control right now.

 

he keeps deflecting any responsibility by claiming he was sooo unhappy-- OWN YOUR ***** MFer!

 

he makes her look so bad in this e-mail.....like he's jsut too good for her. he casts her off like some cheap floozy. so sad.

 

believe it or not, i feel truly bad for you, but you just won't listen.

 

i almost bet that you are still in denial..... thinking his wife "made" him write this. or am i mistaken?

 

I'd like to think his w made him write it to tell you the truth but it sounds like him.

 

Yeah, the email hurts but I also think that him admitting he was a jerk makes me feel somewhat better too. He also said he was immature and selfish so I'm kinda happy he's owning some of it. Not a lot of it but at least some and i actually thought he would blame me more and act like he was the victim of my seduction because I did make it obvious I was interested in him first....Do i like it? No! But I've read it over about 25 times and i can't complain i suppose because i did want to hear from him and i did want closure.

 

i sent it to my friend (the one married to her MM) and she said she's sorry to say it but she feels he does love his w and wants to make it work. She read it to her H and apparently he said the same thing.

 

Okay, so I admit you all were right. i was in denial...he's not coming back. I see that now.

 

But I still love him so someone will probably want to smack me for that.

[wannabdone]

I'd like to think his w made him write it to tell you the truth but it sounds like him.

 

Yeah, the email hurts but I also think that him admitting he was a jerk makes me feel somewhat better too. He also said he was immature and selfish so I'm kinda happy he's owning some of it. Not a lot of it but at least some and i actually thought he would blame me more and act like he was the victim of my seduction because I did make it obvious I was interested in him first....Do i like it? No! But I've read it over about 25 times and i can't complain i suppose because i did want to hear from him and i did want closure.

 

i sent it to my friend (the one married to her MM) and she said she's sorry to say it but she feels he does love his w and wants to make it work. She read it to her H and apparently he said the same thing.

 

Okay, so I admit you all were right. i was in denial...he's not coming back. I see that now.

 

But I still love him so someone will probably want to smack me for that.

 

 

You can't help that you love him. Jesus, I still love my xMM (not like I used to) and can not understand why.

 

This is going to hurt like hell. But I promise, it will get better.

 

Go to IC. Get right with you. The rest will come.

[LoveTKO]

i get that Love, but it doesn't negate the fact he's a total weenie.

 

nowhere in that e-mail does he accept responsibility for his actions. as you said he's in damage control right now.

 

he keeps deflecting any responsibility by claiming he was sooo unhappy-- OWN YOUR ***** MFer!

 

he makes her look so bad in this e-mail.....like he's jsut too good for her. he casts her off like some cheap floozy. so sad.

 

believe it or not, i feel truly bad for you, but you just won't listen.

 

i almost bet that you are still in denial..... thinking his wife "made" him write this. or am i mistaken?

 

 

Belee dat!! But that's exactly what I'm getting at....a good defensive requires a certain amount of offense. My jaw dropped when I read the letter because you can bet your bottom dollar that he didn't say any of those things to her between the sheets when they were sharing DNA. This guy is a dirty dog using a strong offense as a defense

[Artie Lang]

Do you really think it would still being going on had I not blackmailed him? He wasn't seeing me very often or texting me as much so that's why I got a little worried he was leaving me. He kept saying he was busy and I hadn't seen him in almost a month which is the longest we went without seeing each other...

 

Do you mean if I had been patient, he would have come back eventually?

 

wow! you are grasping at anything, aren't you?

 

 

seriously- i'm not trying to be mean -seek some help, though. ASAP!

 

do you not see yourself as appealing at all.....is that why you're so hell bent on keeping this "Adonis" at your side.....is he that much of a prize?

 

i can't wrap my head around it.

[TheRightWoman]

Yes, he would have come back, but not the way you wanted it along the lines of a healthy relationship. He wants to keep the affair (sex, passion) going; at the same time, he made up his mind a long time ago that leaving the marriage is not what he wanted all along because he is a big baby.

 

WS' always ride this roller coaster with you...some days they're very affectionate and attentive, only to do a 180 on you by acting distant. This is the name of the game called an affair. You have to accept these rules should you decided to get involved with someone who is married.

 

This is not what I wanted to hear because now I'm going to kick myself for not backing off and giving him space!

 

The first time I gave him space and didn't react because we were casual. Its when things got more intense that i lost it at the thought of losing him.

 

He was acting weird when we together before he dumped me this time though. Distant, didn't say i love you anymore....and he wasn't affectionate. He also seemed in a hurry to leave all the time. I guess I felt i was losing him which is why i held on so tight.

 

I see my mistakes now. I wasn't a very good ow apparently....

[Artie Lang]

he should have at least owned up to the affair. the only thing owned up to was being unhappy and straying, not for getting invloved with this woman. he constantly knocked her down at every possible point. like she was the one who did all the pursuing.

 

 

This guy is a dirty dog using a strong offense as a defense

 

like i said, a total narcissistic D*OUCHEBAG! he knew he had this woman all wrapped up because she wasn't close to his stature in the "looks" department-- HE USED HER!

[Anywhere]

.

 

I think it should be up to him. I don't believe that it's really over because I think he loves me. I think he's just selfish and wants both his wife and me.

 

What should I do?

 

I have tried texting him a few times and he ignores me.

 

It is up to him, he made his choice, It's not you. Texting, calling and carrying on and demeaning yourself like that is unbecoming and makes you look needy, weak and pitiful. It's akin to going and standing outside his bedroom singing love ballads and acting like a lovesick teenager. He's a moron who didn't deserve the feelings you had for him.

[TheRightWoman]

wow! you are grasping at anything, aren't you?

 

 

seriously- i'm not trying to be mean -seek some help, though. ASAP!

 

do you not see yourself as appealing at all.....is that why you're so hell bent on keeping this "Adonis" at your side.....is he that much of a prize?

 

i can't wrap my head around it.

 

I was just wondering...it's obviously too late now. i see that...

 

He was a great guy until the last 4 months and then things started to unravel. He was always kind, sweet and attentive.

 

He didn't turn into an a$$ until he told his W he was moving out and then he started acting weird. Distant, jumpy....cold....I don't know. I guess he was confused.

 

I guess I made his choice easier when I acted needy. I own that. I see that now....but is it so bad that i'm kicking myself...maybe if i had been patient, he would have seen me as the better choice.

 

okay, i will never know. i get that....no need to say it.

[Artie Lang]

I see my mistakes now. I wasn't a very good ow apparently....

 

JESUS.....i give up.

 

good luck.

[Anywhere]

I was just wondering...it's obviously too late now. i see that...

 

He was a great guy until the last 4 months and then things started to unravel. He was always kind, sweet and attentive.

 

He didn't turn into an a$$ until he told his W he was moving out and then he started acting weird. Distant, jumpy....cold....I don't know. I guess he was confused.

 

I guess I made his choice easier when I acted needy. I own that. I see that now....but is it so bad that i'm kicking myself...maybe if i had been patient, he would have seen me as the better choice.

 

okay, i will never know. i get that....no need to say it.

Oh dearie. :-( Why would you still want him after he was so horrible to you? Don't you see that no one deserves to be treated like that?

[TheRightWoman]

You can't help that you love him. Jesus, I still love my xMM (not like I used to) and can not understand why.

 

This is going to hurt like hell. But I promise, it will get better.

 

Go to IC. Get right with you. The rest will come.

Thanks for understanding. Yes, I will get IC. I already have an appt with my doctor this week.

[alexandria35]

Do you really think it would still being going on had I not blackmailed him? He wasn't seeing me very often or texting me as much so that's why I got a little worried he was leaving me. He kept saying he was busy and I hadn't seen him in almost a month which is the longest we went without seeing each other...

 

Do you mean if I had been patient, he would have come back eventually?

 

I absolutely don't think he would still be with you had you not threatened him. Based on what you said early in this thread, he seemed like he was wanting to end it even before you threatened him. I think your threats actually prolonged the affair because he was so afraid that you would tell his wife if he were to cut you off. Once you started calling his house he realized that you were going to tell his wife eventually and so he told her himself. Then there was no more reason to placate you by keeping the affair going so he ended it which is what he been wanting to do for a while.

[whichwayisup]

He emailed me and yes i guess you can all say i told you so now....

 

Here is the email:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear *********

 

 

I am only e-mailing you because you have continued to contact my wife. She knows I am writing this e-mail as I will never contact you behind her back again. I am fully committed to my marriage. You need to stop disrespecting my wife by claiming this is all not fair to you and by sending her offensive articles, or I will be calling my lawyer. Going so far as to suggest to my wife that our marriage is still sexless seems like a cruel heartless jab on your part and you should be ashamed.

 

Our affair was very wrong and my wife did not deserve to be betrayed so terribly. Yes, there were problems in our marriage but that did not give me the right to go outside my marriage to have my needs met. Instead I should have spoken to my wife about my unhappiness and addressed her concerns as well. From this day forward, I will do everything in my power to prove to my wife that I am a husband that is worthy of her forgiveness and love.

 

I urge you to seek counselling, just as I have sought counselling to determine why I was so immature and selfish, and why I allowed myself to get into an affair with a woman I would not get involved with in normal circumstances. You were simply a poor replacement for my wife and our relationship was not real. I have learned that affairs are built on lies and deceit and that is the reason they fail. Our affair never truly felt right to me and I was often plagued with guilt, which I expressed to you many times in the months leading up to my confession to my wife. You knew very well I wanted out and that I was scared of losing my wife. Looking back, I was confused and much of what I said to you makes no sense to me now so I don't expect you to understand why I said the things I did when I barely understand what I was thinking myself. Prior to meeting you, I was too angry and full of ego to take a good long look at myself and I blamed my wife for all our issues. You had no right to play God and threaten me like you did and you should have had the maturity to let me go, but I also take responsibility for getting involved with you in the first place. The truth is, I love my wife very much and I always have, but I acted like a selfish jerk and now my family has to deal with the fallout of my mistakes. We all made mistakes in this situation, but ours were the worst as we hurt innocent people, and that is truly what is not fair.

 

Do no call me, text me or email me again, or contact my wife. DO NOT respond to this e-mail. This will be our last correspondence. I hope you and your husband can work out your problems for the sake of your children.

 

MM

 

Blunt letter but now you know for sure what's what and where you stand. Please respect his wishes and don't contact him (or her) again.

 

You're hurting and that's normal after an affair ends. Grieve the loss, do seek counselling to help you cope with all this. Do your best to focus on letting go and not on him and his marriage/wife. Use this as your closure and move forward by focussing on your family and other good things in your life. You were fine before exMM came into your life, you'll be fine again once you work through the pain of losing him.

[TheRightWoman]

Oh dearie. :-( Why would you still want him after he was so horrible to you? Don't you see that no one deserves to be treated like that?

 

Yes, but I think i pushed him to it. He was nice until I started threatening to tell his W. Everyone has said I should have never done that....that it was against the code so i'm just seeing that was my first mistake.

 

i think things might have turned out differently if i had been patient and let him make his own decisions but i forced his hand by blackmailing him...

 

or by pretending to...same thing i guess.

[LoveTKO]

@TheRightWoman....my posts might sound a bit supercilious and dismissive about your whole ordeal, but it's a metaphor for the dynamics at play in an affair. It's all a big f***** game, so don't get played. The only way an affair will work is if both parties have come to an agreement that it's all about passion and emotions should be kept in check. I feel bad for you but this boss player really did a number on you because you allowed him to.

[whichwayisup]

I guess I made his choice easier when I acted needy. I own that. I see that now....but is it so bad that i'm kicking myself...maybe if i had been patient, he would have seen me as the better choice.

 

Don't fool yourself into thinking and believing that. He felt guilty and knew the A was wrong. It was going to end sooner or later. He never was going to leave and divorce to be with you. That's the wanting and fantasy of the affair talking.. The planning and hoping for a future together that was ain the heat of the moment passing thought but deep down knew it would never happen. A pipe dream.

[TheRightWoman]

@TheRightWoman....my posts might sound a bit supercilious and dismissive about your whole ordeal, but it's a metaphor for the dynamics at play in an affair. It's all a big f***** game, so don't get played. The only way an affair will work is if both parties have come to an agreement that it's all about passion and emotions should be kept in check. I feel bad for you but this boss player really did a number on you because you allowed him to.

 

So you think he was pretending to love me?

 

Do you think he's a serial cheater that has had many affairs? He said ours was his first.

 

So once the dust settles, he'll be back to cheating on his wife? That he's not really working on the M...

 

hmmmmmm.....good points.

[bentnotbroken]

Do you really think it would still being going on had I not blackmailed him? He wasn't seeing me very often or texting me as much so that's why I got a little worried he was leaving me. He kept saying he was busy and I hadn't seen him in almost a month which is the longest we went without seeing each other...

 

Do you mean if I had been patient, he would have come back eventually?

 

 

Are you serious?

[whichwayisup]

Maybe at the time he may have thought it was love. Many people get so wrapped up in the intensity of the affair, the sex and emotions it brings out, that addictivness feeling you cant' live without the other person, it's pure raw emotion and based on what happens in an affair setting. There's no real glue or care, friendship there that was growing.. Not all are like this, but yours seems that way. But when everything changed, he realized he wasn't in love with you, it was lust and sexual attraction..Which is why many of times MM choose their wives and decide not to divorce. The glue that holds together is marriage is stronger than what you two shared in the affair.