is my guy bi-sexual?

[confused]

I have a problem and don't want to discuss it with my friends if I'm being paranoid. I think my guy is bi-sexual

 

he always has single men around him all the time, works with them out of town and they spend the night there cause they're working on the house toghether and it's too far to come home. He works out of town 4 to 5 days a week. Lately

 

with the same man but other times different ones he is also

 

working this weekend with another guy down there who he is picking up to help him. He's never been married or had children. I have confronted him about this I asked him directly (after a few drinks) And he vehemently denies it.

 

And appeared very hurt and upset, so I take him at face value but my gut tells me he is, but I don't want to be

 

paranoid. The other thing that makes me feel this way is we make love maybe once a month or less and it's always short and quick. He seems very passionate about his other interests sports, music,golf so I find it hard to believe he can't be passionae for me. I don't know why he asked me out in the first place (as a cover?) But he calls me and we go to nice expensive places (he's loaded) and that probably

 

plays somewhat into it. And he is kind and thoughtful and takes care of my financial needs but my emotional and physical needs not. No affection or no emotional intimacy what would you do in this situation?

[Tony T]

Whether he is bisexual or not is really immaterial here. There is no way for us to know, it wouldn't be proper to speculate, and it wouldn't change things for you if you knew one way or the other.

 

I don't think any of the behavior you described would be evidence that he is bisexual.

 

The problem you have is that he does not meet your emotional or sexual needs. The relationship does not seem to be fulfilling to you, except for the fact he spends money on you. I don't think that is as important to you as having a man who is affectionate and wants you more.

 

This guy is not doing it for you and there doesn't appear to be much hope he will. You've discussed this with him and he just got a little hurt and went on about his business.

 

I don't think you want to live with a man like this for a lifetime so I think you know what you've got to do. If he is bisexual, he is certainly giving lots more time to his male partners. If he is not, his interest in his relationship with you is abnormally low.

 

Doesn't look good, any way you slice it. I also think it's always best to listen to your gut.

[confused]

I have a problem and don't want to discuss it with my friends if I'm being paranoid. My boyfriend of 5 years I think is bi-sexual he always has single men around him all the time, works with them out of town and they spend the night there cause they're working on the house toghether and it's too far to come home. He works out of town 4 to 5 days a week. Lately with the same man but other times different ones he is also working this weekend with another guy down there who he is picking up to help him.The guy does not drive and they have been friends since hi-school (all of his friends have been around that long) He's never been married or had children. I have confronted him about this I asked him directly (after a few drinks) And he vehemently denies it. And appeared very hurt and upset, so I take him at face value but my gut tells me he is, but I don't want to be paranoid. The other thing that makes me feel this way is we make love maybe once a month or less and it's always short and quick. He is always too tired, too busy, too full after a meal. He tells me he has a very low sex drive and wishes I would have met him when he was in his twenties (he's in his forties) He seems to have an explaination for everything and If I take it at face value it all seems ok However, He seems very passionate about his other interests sports, music,golf so I find it hard to believe he can't be passionae for me. I don't know why he asked me out in the first place (as a cover?) But he calls me and we go to nice expensive places (he's loaded) and that probably plays somewhat into it.Plus I do care about him And Love him in certain way It's very comfortable to be with him, And he is kind and thoughtful and takes care of my financial needs but my emotional and physical needs not. No affection or no emotional intimacy what would you do in this situation?

[cindylu]

I wish I had some good advice to give you. I am pretty sure the guy I'm with is bisexual also, he denies it too. Its easy to say leave but hard to do if you love someone but what choice do you have? Stay with someone who just seems to like you but rather be with the guys. From what you said alone I wouldn't necessarily say he was BI maybe he is a workaholic, but the once a month sex seems unusual for someone his age and those gut feelings got there somehow.

 

I guess you have to decide if you would be happier with or without him and take it from there. Don't stay home when he is away go out with friends and meet new people. I have found that the more people you hang out with the less paranoid you will be, they kind of stabilize your thinking kind of like this board. all the different opinions help you to think clearer. good luck

 

I have a problem and don't want to discuss it with my friends if I'm being paranoid. I think my guy is bi-sexual he always has single men around him all the time, works with them out of town and they spend the night there cause they're working on the house toghether and it's too far to come home. He works out of town 4 to 5 days a week. Lately with the same man but other times different ones he is also working this weekend with another guy down there who he is picking up to help him. He's never been married or had children. I have confronted him about this I asked him directly (after a few drinks) And he vehemently denies it. And appeared very hurt and upset, so I take him at face value but my gut tells me he is, but I don't want to be paranoid. The other thing that makes me feel this way is we make love maybe once a month or less and it's always short and quick. He seems very passionate about his other interests sports, music,golf so I find it hard to believe he can't be passionae for me. I don't know why he asked me out in the first place (as a cover?) But he calls me and we go to nice expensive places (he's loaded) and that probably plays somewhat into it. And he is kind and thoughtful and takes care of my financial needs but my emotional and physical needs not. No affection or no emotional intimacy what would you do in this situation?

[Deejette]

If he were bisexual and was paying lots of attention to you and was affectionate, intimate, and loving, would you be happier with him then? I agree with Tony, it's not the bisexuality that is the issue, it is the emotional lack in the relationship that is the problem.

 

I doubt that you will be able to radically change the kind of guy that he is. It is best to recognize that you have certain needs and start looking for someone who can fulfill them, instead of starving for affection.

I wish I had some good advice to give you. I am pretty sure the guy I'm with is bisexual also, he denies it too. Its easy to say leave but hard to do if you love someone but what choice do you have? Stay with someone who just seems to like you but rather be with the guys. From what you said alone I wouldn't necessarily say he was BI maybe he is a workaholic, but the once a month sex seems unusual for someone his age and those gut feelings got there somehow. I guess you have to decide if you would be happier with or without him and take it from there. Don't stay home when he is away go out with friends and meet new people. I have found that the more people you hang out with the less paranoid you will be, they kind of stabilize your thinking kind of like this board. all the different opinions help you to think clearer. good luck

[nogard]

I have the same dilema with my husband of 6 years.....first year dating was normal, then once we started living together,the sex dissappeared. There were alot of physical traumas between us the first few years,tho...miscarriages,surgeries for him, but when we would heal, the sex would not return. But he had all the time and enthusiasm for his other activities....sports,work,school....I would try to talk to him about it about every 3 months..and he would agree to "work on it"..

 

I thought I could live without passion....but I can't. I love him and he is a great husband otherwise, but he gives me NOTHING physically or emotionally.....my heart is breaking...how can he be "normal"? I'm not overwieght, I'm attractive enough,treat him well,take care of him.....he just has no libido whatsoever...I've wondered if he was gay....I wish he was, or having an affair...at least then I'd know he really was normal! It's so hard to think he doesn't find me desirable.Yet he claims he loves me! It's not enough,tho...I'm not 80.Only 43

If he were bisexual and was paying lots of attention to you and was affectionate, intimate, and loving, would you be happier with him then? I agree with Tony, it's not the bisexuality that is the issue, it is the emotional lack in the relationship that is the problem. I doubt that you will be able to radically change the kind of guy that he is. It is best to recognize that you have certain needs and start looking for someone who can fulfill them, instead of starving for affection.

[Tony T]

There are so many things that can affect libido, especially in a man who is a bit older, upper 30s on up.

 

Stress, financial and personal worries, work pressures, certain prescription medications, high blood pressure, fatigue associated with sleep disorders or lack of proper nutrition, psychological problems, food and/or drug allergies, etc. can all affect a man's sex drive.

 

He should see a doctor for a complete physical with the announced intention of doing whatever is necessary to restore his sexual desire. Psychotherapy may be indicated. Getting off certain medications, such as blood pressure medicines or beta blockers, can knock the libido right out. A total medical workup is necessary.

 

Excessive masturbation or other sexual addictions, unknown to the wife, can also keep his desires in check. You need to discuss this with your husband. Only a possibility...but a real one.

 

An excellent physician, working with a very good counsellor, can go a long way to restoring this sexual desire...if the man really wants it back.