They CAN happen!

[confused kitty]

P.S POD81- Go with your gut feeling/ intuition, weather its good or bad, try to seperate this from what your heart is feeling.. Work out what it is telling you and stick to it!

 

Too often our hearts can cause us to make foolish decisions while logically our brain is telling us the opposite, to run and protect ourselves from any further hurt, this was the case for me. But no matter how I tryed to forget him and move on, something just kept telling me we werent done yet.. This feeling was neither from my head nor my heart, its very hard to explain without sounding like a fruit loop, Im not a spiritual person but this felt like it was coming from somewhere deep inside me, my soul perhaps, Im really not sure but one thing I am sure of is that I believed in it, and clung to it and it brought me alot of comfort..

 

Listen to your intuition and what its telling you, I believe it was given to us for a purose..

Keep me posted :-)

[Lis007]

Good Luck.

 

Its been around 6 months for us and its wonderful! Couldn't be happier!

 

So couldn't be happier for you - be patient and loving and appreciate each other

 

x

[Stanza]

itsneverforever, I think you have made some good points, I don't see really how they can just forget us especially as you point out that they don't deal with it. Have heard a few stories with personal friends where there was a 5-6 months break. I do have this sense that many people have to go evaluate before they make a longer committment. I don't know. It's hard when I see this new girl already in his life, she's also rebounding so whilst I shouldn't read much into, she's completely besotted with him (according to online posts). I have seen him a couple of times, he has to collect things from our flat, and he seems to have the same feelings, just that whatever he was missing was missing I guess.

[confused kitty]

I wouldnt read too much into rebounds, yes it can be hurtfull seeing your ex with someone new, but havent done the whole rebound thing myself, i can pretty much garantee it wont last and isnt all hearts and roses like things may appear from onlookers!!

 

Looking back now I can see how I totally used that other guy (shamefull to admit!) I used him to help make myself feel a little better, to try distract myself from the pain of losing my ex, I allowed him to develop much deeper feelings for me than I could ever have for him, I enabled all this in a false sence of hope that it would force me to move on from my ex... I was unaware at the time that this was the case, I guess I got caught up in the moment and enjoyed having a man chase me again, enjoyed the attention and feeling of being appriciated again..

 

Then as soon as my ex replyed to that one text at Christmas, I snapped out of it. It still sickens me how I treated that other guy, the whole time we were dating was a lie, I was forcing myself to live a lie and I allowed him to believe we really had something.. I remember I even resented him for being upset with me for ending things!! Of course the poor guy was upset, this all came out of nowhere for him, as far as he was concerned we were perfectly happy together!

That eats me up still to this day, and I really wish I could take all that back, he was a good guy and never deserved to be treated that way.

 

My point is rebounds arent all they appear to be from the outside, obviously not every situation is the same but more often than not rebounds run their course, and eventually fizzel out, when one person (or both) realise its all been one big lie..

[Edtheduck]

Kitty, your story brought a warm glow to my heart and I'm so happy for you. I'm happy that after all the pain, suffering, heartache, you got what you wanted, together. In fact I've just shed a tear, and I'm a grown man!

 

It's wishful thinking for me, but I do hope deep deep down (like that feeling you described way beyond the heart) that one day my ex realises how good we were together. It's been 2 months for me, together for a year. So much happened, I do find it hard to let go of all the memories. In her case, I think she is already rebounding, but I just don't care at the moment. I still have feelings so that overwrites the thought of her with someone.

 

I do hope, and at times I don't. One things for sure, if it ends up anywhere near your story, I'll be telling you first.

 

Very best of luck with the new founded relationship.

[confused kitty]

EDTHEDUCK - Thank you so much for your kind words and best wishes.

 

Stay strong, I know it feels like an eternity but 2 months is really nothing, we were broke up for 7 months before any glimour of reconcilliation!

 

I was honest with my bf and told him about the rebound guy, he didnt like it but admitted he only had himself to blame, and like you, said he loved me more than to let the thaughts of me with somebody else stop him from winning me back...

 

I wish you all the best of luck with your story, please do keep me posted as I dont search the forums anymore, just this one. :-)

[Edtheduck]

Hi Kitty,

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have to be honest and say I've never really had a second chance with any ex, so I don't think this one will be any different. The trouble is, I still get that pit in the stomach feeling, and of course I do always think of her. 2 months isn't long you're right, but the fact she's already with someone means I'm probably already forgotten.

 

My head is held high though, and I know I treated her very well, so there's not much more I can do right now, but live my life and enjoy the freedom again.

 

I hope that feeling deep deep down goes away. Like yourself, it's hard to imagine your life without that special person in it.

 

Your story keeps me strong in heart and mind. Thank you

[Gulf-Delta]

Over on a another relationship forum, there's a 106-page thread on reconciliation stories

 

Reunions happen all the time.

[Edtheduck]

What's the forum dude? Wouldn't mind taking a peek.

No false hope intended of course, I just don't believe they exist with me.

[Gulf-Delta]

What's the forum dude? Wouldn't mind taking a peek.

No false hope intended of course, I just don't believe they exist with me.

 

Getting back together really does happen!

 

BTW, there's no such thing as false hope. Hope is a wanting of sometihng. You can't falsely want something.

[Stanza]

Kitty, thank you for typing that about rebounds. I have read up on them on the net but hasn’treally come alive to me so hearing how it felt to you was really great. I agree with what you’re saying too

 

Ed – I don’t believe she’s forgotten you at all. I really don’t. I’ve seen mine and he’s gone into this veryfull-on rebound with a girl who’s clearly the opposite of me – very veryobsessive, and he seems to be just pulled into it like Kitty says for the attraction. I had to see him as he had to collect some stuff and he was franklyTHE SAME as the DAY he left me. So his emotions haven’t changed (he left because he claims he's lost the relationship feeling but still loves me). The rebound isn’t helping him but he doesn’t see it. I guess he may never. And I agree that the rebound means little compared to what we feel. I feel like there's a part of our ex's where they need to go evaluate against us, it's a poor way to do it, but it's almost what sometimes people have to do. You can keep hope for you with yours. Gulf Delta puts it beautifully.

BTW, there's no such thing as false hope. Hope

is a wanting of sometihng. You can't falsely want something.

 

going to read that thread too.

[Edtheduck]

Hey Stanza,

 

Thanks for the comments. Kitty's story inspires me, but in my life I don't think I will ever experience it. Read my story on the breaking up page and you'll see why.

 

Yes I'm independent, good looking, athletic, good family. Something doesn't add up. She is with someone. As hard as I try to flush that out, it's still an issue. GIGS, with kids? Kidding me right?

 

I hope I find comfort within myself soon. At times I feel great and I'm getting back to my athletic and toned self. At other times, she plays on the mind and I feel like utter **** for her not trying to communicate.

 

Kitty, 7 months? I think I'll lose my mind in that time

[Stanza]

Ed, I reckon you'll move on in 7 months, you sound like you're getting on top of things, bit by bit. It could go that way for me too. We'll see I guess.

[Gulf-Delta]

NOTE: The following really only applies to GiGs and the such, and does not apply to breakups where cheating, abuse, etc are involved.

 

It really just comes down to time.

 

Your ex has not forgotten you, and if you really had a positive relationship they NEVER will. Especially if you shared many firsts with your ex, as I did.

 

As I mentioned it all comes down to time. As time goes by, you will care less and less about the breakup.

 

I for one, love my ex very much, and when I tihnk of the woman of my dreams, it's her. I still care for and love her so much, but I've come to realize, if I truly love her, she needs her freedom. Keeping her tied down, denying her freedom to explore life, is not something you do when you love someone. If you love someone, you want them to be happy, no matter what that means. In a lot of cases, you'll find the ex, even if they're the dumper, even if they're seeing someone else, do not stop loving the dumpee, but rather, at least in GiGs cases, become very confused about WHAT life is. It's not that they don't stop loving, it's that they don't realize how important the love you share really is. This doesn't make them bad people, and the pain they cause is almost never intentional, at least in my case. They're just very immature.

 

With my ex, I have realized I am the mature one here, and will handle it as such. I still love her, she may still love me. At the very least, I can sleep well at nite knowing that our relationship and history is something only she and I have.

 

I guess what I'm saying in all this, is with time, the bitterness and anger toward you ex will disappear, and you will find comfort that YOUR relationship with them was unique and special. With this comfort, you will realize the ex is not bad, or evil, or hate you. You just realize that they are just plain confused. And they don't have the maturity to know what to do with it. I love my ex more than anything, and I'd love for her to return...but I realize that she is having her own thing to work through. When she grows up, we can talk, but until then, she's free to make her own way.

[M30USA]

NOTE: The following really only applies to GiGs and the such, and does not apply to breakups where cheating, abuse, etc are involved.

 

It really just comes down to time.

 

Your ex has not forgotten you, and if you really had a positive relationship they NEVER will. Especially if you shared many firsts with your ex, as I did.

 

As I mentioned it all comes down to time. As time goes by, you will care less and less about the breakup.

 

I for one, love my ex very much, and when I tihnk of the woman of my dreams, it's her. I still care for and love her so much, but I've come to realize, if I truly love her, she needs her freedom. Keeping her tied down, denying her freedom to explore life, is not something you do when you love someone. If you love someone, you want them to be happy, no matter what that means. In a lot of cases, you'll find the ex, even if they're the dumper, even if they're seeing someone else, do not stop loving the dumpee, but rather, at least in GiGs cases, become very confused about WHAT life is. It's not that they don't stop loving, it's that they don't realize how important the love you share really is. This doesn't make them bad people, and the pain they cause is almost never intentional, at least in my case. They're just very immature.

 

With my ex, I have realized I am the mature one here, and will handle it as such. I still love her, she may still love me. At the very least, I can sleep well at nite knowing that our relationship and history is something only she and I have.

 

I guess what I'm saying in all this, is with time, the bitterness and anger toward you ex will disappear, and you will find comfort that YOUR relationship with them was unique and special. With this comfort, you will realize the ex is not bad, or evil, or hate you. You just realize that they are just plain confused. And they don't have the maturity to know what to do with it. I love my ex more than anything, and I'd love for her to return...but I realize that she is having her own thing to work through. When she grows up, we can talk, but until then, she's free to make her own way.

 

Dang, you have the wisdom of a sage.

 

Now...we just need to work on your theology.

[LogicallyIllogical]

You just realize that they are just plain confused. And they don't have the maturity to know what to do with it. I love my ex more than anything, and I'd love for her to return...but I realize that she is having her own thing to work through. When she grows up, we can talk, but until then, she's free to make her own way.

 

What? You're saying that if your ex dumped you, they're "confused" and aren't mature? That's a pretty strong statement. I don't doubt that some dumpers are confused or eventually realize they made a mistake and come back, but the majority thought it out before they made their decision. Blaming it on GIGS, confusion or emotional immaturity is just a nice way of easing the blow to your ego and shifting blame.

 

I guess what I'm saying in all this, is with time, the bitterness and anger toward you ex will disappear, and you will find comfort that YOUR relationship with them was unique and special.

 

Again, I disagree. Once the bitterness and anger toward your ex disappears, you'll move on and find another unique/special relationship. You won't put so much emphasis on the relationship you had with your ex once you truly move on.

[Gulf-Delta]

Dang, you have the wisdom of a sage.

 

Now...we just need to work on your theology.

 

NOTE: This post, again, is not a one-size-fits-all piece of advice. You should only take this to heart if you REALLY had something special. Long term, with committment, respect and unconditional love.

 

Nah, I'm just a guy.

 

I'm not healed, not even close. I still dream about my ex every nite, I still miss her everyday, I'm constantly reminded of her, and really, I'm still head over heels with her. I have just learned to process the pain differently.

 

The thing is, once you give yourself time, acceptance comes with it. Your mindset changes, and you start to look around and realize, your ex isn't perfect. They're human too, and go through the same phases and make the same mistakes we all do. We just go through these phases at different times. I did the whole "GiGs" thing in my teens. I got involved with females I'd never date now. I drank and a partied and went wild. I got over it. My ex had no teen years, and this is her time to do all the stupid crap we all do.

 

I was bitter, angry and thought terrible things about her, but with time, I accepted and realized that what her and I had was a one in a million thing, and nothing will ever change that. I'll always hold a place in her heart and she mine. Because of this, I have learned to forgive her for and accept her for whatever she's going through right now.

 

I'm just trying to show people that time will fix you, and it's the only thing that can. Not NC. Not ignoring your ex. Not begging. Not crying. Not advice from others. ONLY time. Follow your heart when it comes to your ex. If your heart says NC isn't right, don't do it. If your heart says to beg, go for it. The thing is, you do these things because your heart is still full of pain and anger. But let it. Not going NC is NOT a mistake. Begging is not a mistake. It's your heart grieving, and only after you grieve the loss will your heart begin to say "I've let go of the final pieces of the pain". In fact, I'd say breaking NC, crying, begging, etc are the healthiest things you can do because it's allowing your heart and mind to work things out in it's own way. Once this happens, you can really start to "work on yourself" as people say. Your heart and mind knows what's best. Listen to them, they'll never steer you wrong. Don't worry about what you'll look like to your ex and what they'll think. Just do it.

 

Breaking NC or chasing your ex is like getting stitches. It hurts like hell, but it MUST be done in order for the wound to close up and heal. Things get better. You may still hurt deep down. I do. But it's a different kind of pain. It's a pain of hoping they're okay, if you truly love them. It's no longer a pain of being backstabbed. I've moved on from the pain of the actual breakup, and so will everyone else. You will step back, and realize, whatever your ex is going through, if you love them, you must let them do what they think is right for them. All you can do is hope they realize the importance of the unconditional love, care and support you showed them. Don't EXPECT them to, but hope they do.

 

As for my theology, I believe in God...my ideas on it are just different than most.

[Gulf-Delta]

What? You're saying that if your ex dumped you, they're "confused" and aren't mature? That's a pretty strong statement. I don't doubt that some dumpers are confused or eventually realize they made a mistake and come back, but the majority thought it out before they made their decision. Blaming it on GIGS, confusion or emotional immaturity is just a nice way of easing the blow to your ego and shifting blame.

 

You're right. People I know who are selfish and abandon they're families/friends are usually the most well-adjusted and emotionally mature and stable! [/sarcasm]

 

It has nothing to do with shifting blame and everything to do with knowing people. It's not a coincidence that GiGs dumpers are usually people with overbearing parents, abusive/constrictive relationships, broken homes, etc.

 

Notice I did preface the post by saying it's didn't apply to all situations. I tihnk when people are acting immature or handling a relationship in an immature fashion, it's safe to say they aren't emotionally mature. If they don't even know the reason they're leaving, or can't explain it, it kinda tells me they aren't mature enough to understand their own minds.

 

Again, I disagree. Once the bitterness and anger toward your ex disappears, you'll move on and find another unique/special relationship. You won't put so much emphasis on the relationship you had with your ex once you truly move on.

 

If you can delete your ex from your mind or heart, then the realtionship wasn't worth having anyway.

Edited June 16, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[LogicallyIllogical]

It's not a coincidence that GiGs dumpers are usually people with overbearing parents, abusive/constrictive relationships, broken homes, etc.

 

So now you're classifying the type of people who get this theoretical syndrome? I've also seen you post that the "average" GIGS dumper comes back in 6 months. You're putting way too much time, thought and stock into the idea of GIGS.

 

If they don't even know the reason they're leaving, or can't explain it, it kinda tells me they aren't mature enough to understand their own minds.

 

Perhaps your ex didn't want to explain her reasons for leaving so that she didn't inflict further harm(i.e.:If she lost her attraction towards you over time, do you really think she would tell you)? You can't say that your ex is immature because she didn't give a reason for leaving. She didn't owe any reasons.

 

If you can delete your ex from your mind or heart, then the realtionship wasn't worth having anyway.

 

I didn't say that you had to erase your ex from your memory. I said that once you move on and are involved with someone else, you won't be caring as much about your previous relationship. Chances are that you will meet someone else and you'll realize that although what you and your ex had was a "one in a million thing", you can have another "one in a million thing" with another girl. However, I hope that this thing with your ex works out however you want it to.

[Gulf-Delta]

So now you're classifying the type of people who get this theoretical syndrome? I've also seen you post that the "average" GIGS dumper comes back in 6 months. You're putting way too much time, thought and stock into the idea of GIGS.

 

I don't tihnk you actually understand what GiGs is. It's the name given to the circumstance where people, usually in their late teens/mid twenties, start abandoning responsibilities, and break off perfectly healthy relationships. They also traditionally act very out of character. It happens all the time, I don't know why people deny it happens.

 

Or is it a coincidence that so many breakups here follow the SAME exact timeline and events? FWIW, most stories where a dumper does these things, the dumper does return after 6 months, at least in a lot of stories I hear.

 

Perhaps your ex didn't want to explain her reasons for leaving so that she didn't inflict further harm(i.e.:If she lost her attraction towards you over time, do you really think she would tell you)? You can't say that your ex is immature because she didn't give a reason for leaving. She didn't owe any reasons.

 

I say she's immature because she's acting like a child Sounds like you're making more excuses for her than I did. And yes, as my fiancee and someone who was committed to me, she damn well did owe me and explanation. If you tihnk dumpers don't owe the people they leave an explanation, then I don't think you really get how a committed relationship works.

 

In adult interactions, especially relationships, people communicate and commit to each other. People who can't do this are not ready for MATURE relationships. Avoiding these things are tell-tale signs of an immature person. Mature people take responsibility for their actions, and communicate with people, especially loved ones.

 

 

I didn't say that you had to erase your ex from your memory. I said that once you move on and are involved with someone else, you won't be caring as much about your previous relationship. Chances are that you will meet someone else and you'll realize that although what you and your ex had was a "one in a million thing", you can have another "one in a million thing" with another girl. However, I hope that this thing with your ex works out however you want it to.

 

You seem kinda negative. I am not (at least not anymore). I'm mostly an optimist, and tend to think things in the positive.

[Stanza]

Hi Gulf Delta, I love hearing your thoughts on this as many of the actions you are taken feel like those I am. I have refused to get angry with my ex because I know he's confused and his actions have been more hurtful towards me but I know it's his way of trying to break the bond. I haven't gone NC, because sometimes we've had to meet, and during that time I act as I want, which is trying to be as fun and excited about life as when we met. I don't ask him about his new girl as she is nothing to me, I see her as something has to go through as well. She is very different to me and has chased and 'caught' him so it's something like she's got him embroiled in her life rather than he knows what he's doing.

 

I like your wisdom and calm attitude. It makes me feel better because I'm tired of friends wanting me to go and yell at him and make it all his fault and get a cleaner break.

 

I agree on the pain - I do believe it will change.

 

My ex and I are in our 30s, but he's acting a bit like he did before he met me in his 20s. As if he's needed to go back there to evaluate.

 

I was thinking a lot yesterday on Kitty's comments about rebounds, they have helped me a lot as well.

Edited June 16, 2012 by Stanza

[Edtheduck]

Wise words Gulf, and fitting.

 

It's good to have hope, but it's also good to be realistic and not expect.

 

I have hope, that hope I don't think will ever go, as the relationship was very good. There were no major fights, we both cared for eachother very much, there was love.

 

Who knows what will happen in time, but if it works out for the best and everyone leads a happy life full of understanding, love, smiles and happiness, I know I'll die a happy man.

[Edtheduck]

Oh and to add, these words my ex said to me last week keep ringing in my ears again and again

 

"I think it's been too long. I don't think my feelings for you are strong enough to carry on"

 

Then she randomly txts to see if I'm ok this week.

 

That to me, tells me I don't think I'll ever get a chance again.

 

Hope springs....hope dies....hope springs....hope dies.

[broken-and-lost]

Kitty really happy for you hope it all works out everyone deserves a second chance.

 

For me it's not going to happen 18 months later she barely speaks to me and is with some guy she still drops me breadcrumbs every so often but that's just to mess with my head

 

remember to treat each other well every day like when you first met and hopefully you won't go wrong

 

good luck

[Stanza]

Today I was wondering how do you all stay strong on this path?

 

I agree on hope springing and dying, we have to keep hope but sometimes it's so hard.

 

My ex is with this rebound girl, and they are at this event I was with him at last year. He acts very different with her than with me (we were together nearly 8 years so I thought I knew him). He is much more touchy-feely, he wasn't into public displays of affection but the photos I've seen of her are very different It makes me question my hope I suppose. If he's so different with another I always thought he didn't want public affection so I backed off and let him be. Now he's different with her. Maybe I'm just having a really bad day today. No matter what I do to get on with my life, my core self remains unhappy because of what I lost. Yes, I'm probably having a bad day.