Edtheduck Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I guess for me, I stay strong by always reminding myself I'm a good person, and I never did anything wrong. My morals are strong, I believe in good family values, and always treat people well. I've never cheated, never will. It keeps me going day by day. When my ex crops into my mind, I smile for a bit, become angry for a bit, then try to flush the thought out. Being around family and friends always helps too. They simply couldn't have been more helpful than they have been recently, and I'll always thank them for it. 2 months exact since my BU with my ex. Of course she would be on my mind today. But, I refuse to let her control all of it. It's Fathers Day in the UK, and my thoughts are firmly on the people who count right now. Family, always comes first Keep at it all, it will get better Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Thanks, Ed. I will think about your words. Bit spooky but is just on 2 months for me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Happy to help Stanza. My day is nearly drawing to a close. Being around the family has definitely helped, and to be honest, exactly 2 months on today since my ex BU with me, I've not thought about her that much at all. Maybe I will when I go to sleep. Sunday's are always my worse days as we lived far apart, so one of us always had to return home on this day. Here's to you all going through a painful and hard time. It will get better. The only way is UP. Just remember that. And...hope is good. Everyone hopes for the future, whether that be job, family, sports, the lot! We are nothing without hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks, Ed. You sound very determined and positive. I sometimes feel positive, I feel like he will change his mind and things will be ok, or that I will be ok without him but I feel very unhappy most of the time. I think sometimes it's the mixed signals I get, and just this knowledge that he's developing feelings for the rebound but that he still has them for me, almost like he's trying so hard to push me away. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks, Ed. You sound very determined and positive. I sometimes feel positive, I feel like he will change his mind and things will be ok, or that I will be ok without him but I feel very unhappy most of the time. I think sometimes it's the mixed signals I get, and just this knowledge that he's developing feelings for the rebound but that he still has them for me, almost like he's trying so hard to push me away. It's my pleasure Stanza, we're all in the same boat so happy to offer any advice I can. I am determined, determined to not let her ruin my thoughts and day to day activities. The urge to break NC is getting easier by the day, purely as I have no way to. The number has been deleted, I de activated my FB and I simply refuse to read her twitter, where she used to write all sorts. That way, I'm none the wiser to her new man and what she's doing. Don't get me wrong, I still think about her from time to time, and do genuinely miss her and what used to be us too. But she's living her life right now, so why shouldn't I? The funny thing is I have attractive women chasing me, but I'm just not ready for it. My last ex before this one, it took me a year to start dating again. God knows how long it will be this time, as I genuinely thought id get married to my latest ex. Like you, if my ex is developing feelings for the rebound, nothing I can do. It's not my business any more, and I hope she doesn't find out the hard way as we did, that love bites sometimes. Keep at it, try not to dwell, and think positive. You'll get there in time. It's only been 2 months for me since our BU, but reading what Kitty went through, these things will ultimately take time, however the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I think you are doing really well Ed. I went on Facebook just now to block them but when I was looking up how that worked, I went on the new girl's profile and she had just put up a picture of them - where he is putting a ring on her finger. I'm not sure it's a joke either because loads of people are writing comments. I'm a bit in total horror right now. Anyway I think you are right about forward stuff, I am trying a lot, I think I find it hard after nearly 8 years to see how someone has changed so much with another girl they started up with 3 weeks later. It's such a dramatic change too. Especially if after 6 weeks they are in engaged. I think I have also problems because this isn't my home country neither, so I have to decide many things. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I think you are doing really well Ed. I went on Facebook just now to block them but when I was looking up how that worked, I went on the new girl's profile and she had just put up a picture of them - where he is putting a ring on her finger. I'm not sure it's a joke either because loads of people are writing comments. I'm a bit in total horror right now. Anyway I think you are right about forward stuff, I am trying a lot, I think I find it hard after nearly 8 years to see how someone has changed so much with another girl they started up with 3 weeks later. It's such a dramatic change too. Especially if after 6 weeks they are in engaged. I think I have also problems because this isn't my home country neither, so I have to decide many things. Oh no, my heart goes out to you Stanza. This is the main reason why I hate looking at social networking sites now. I just don't want to know what they are up to. And to be honest, it caused problems for us while we were together. Accusations of flirting etc. Try to take your mind off it if you can, and don't think too much in to it. It could be innocent, you just don't know that. I'm thinking of my ex right now, these things ultimately come and go. Feel free to PM me, I can suggest some things which may help in making your mind more at ease. I can't really compete with 8 years, but I know I loved my ex a lot and was ready to commit to her full time this year. When I say that, I mean getting engaged and taking on the responsibility of looking after her 3 kids with her. Keep strong Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Thanks Ed, you sound like a good guy. They have now announced the engagement. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Thanks Ed, you sound like a good guy. They have now announced the engagement. I'm so sorry. Hard to know what to say, or how you're feeling. How long have they been together? If its anything under 3 months I simply can't see it lasting. Seems very very strange. Strange thing is I received a txt from my ex today, simply asking "how are you xxx" It's been left for now. People have a way of ****ing your mind up that's for sure. They don't even know they're doing it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Thanks Ed. It's 2 months since he left and well they've been together less than that. So I don't see it working either. I also suspect it may not have been a regular proposal but something a bit weird. Wow - a text. Have you still not replied because I think you should maybe work out what you wanna do. Does she normally put that many kisses at the end? I bet she's missing you. I don't know what I'd do....! I as reading some stuff on this site at some point: Toronto's Love Doctor || Yangki Christine Akiteng || Free Relationship Articles she advocates low contact rather than none as a positive thing. I find some of the info on there interesting - there's a bit on exes. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Wow 2 months after an 8 yr relationship?! Something's not right there. I simply don't see that lasting once the honeymoon period wears off. The ex is still not giving himself a chance to miss you, and is probably only doing it to hide what feelings are deep down. I'm sure all have done that one before. You just need to focus on you, and ignore any temptations to look at social networking, etc. the focus has to be on you. I did respond eventually, you can read my post in the breaking up section. It's confusing, probably breadcrumbs and guilt from her, I'm still the same too. I carry on, I don't initiate any contact anymore, and the rest is up to them. Thanks for the link too, I'll check it out and see what they suggest I guess as they always say, sorry seems to be the hardest word. Link to post Share on other sites
Pod81 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) Wow Stanza, I really feel for you. Sounds like it was taken directly from the script of 500 Days of Summer. For your sake, I hope it's just a joke. Anyway, I posted earlier on this thread about my 50 days of NC contact and as an update, she said she needed time to do things on her own and experience life on her own - which was quite a difference from the beginning of the break when she called and cried to work things out. So we've technically been broken up for 1.5 months and the last contact I made with her was an email telling her that because I love her, I will support whatever decision she makes as she goes through this self-exploratory maturation phase. Yes, seeing her re-activate her online dating website hurt for a moment, but I have to remind myself that there's no sense in being angry, bitter, and spiteful. As Gulf-Delta alluded to earlier in this thread, true love is selfless and her happiness should be what matters. For someone with little experience in love and life, I just have to accept the fact that her desire to experience new things is perfectly normal and healthy. However, that's not to say I don't want her back when she sorts out all the confusion. Yes, it's been a very difficult last month and a half, but my true love for her and knowing that we did have something special really does give me some comfort when I go through my emotional valleys. Once again, I want to thank you guys for your words of wisdom! Edited June 21, 2012 by Pod81 Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Pod81, I think you're doing pretty good. I also agree there's no space for those emotions as they are somewhat redundant, there's nothing they will bring but pushing them more from us and they don't seem to know what they are doing either. Ed - yes, I think also it's about burrying feelings, it's very sad. I have to try to focus more on me, I've been trying. It's like each time I feel I'm getting somewhere there's something new to push me down again. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 You'll get that Stanza, it's to be expected. Highs one day, lows the next. When you're low, let it out. It's a natural grieving process which you need to go through to realise you may ultimately be better off without. Remember, you had 8 years with this man, yet he chooses to forget all about it? You don't want to be with someone who can simply switch off just like that. You deserve better. I know if I was with someone or 8 years and they did that to me, I would be shellshocked like yourself. Enjoy the good days, keep yourself busy with hobbies/gym/friends/family. It will get better. It's ok to remember memories, but also think about how they must have annoyed you at times, make you feel low. It balances out your feelings and makes you stronger for it. I say this as I have that pit in stomach feeling coming back. I know it won't last though as I'm healing day by day. Remember, you're in it for you now, so enjoy some ME time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused kitty Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Stanza, first off Im sorry your having to go through this. Secondly, it will not last, how many healthy marriages do you know of that follow a 6 week relationship prior to engagement?? Its like something out of Hollywood! During my reboud other guy brought up engagement..would I have married him? Hell no! But would I have accepted the proposal? ...more than likely! Why?? Because thats the messed up head space I was in.. I was desperatly trying to force myself to move on. Im not promising your guy will come back to you, but I am betting sure as hell that they wont evenake it up the aisle...!! Hes clutching at straws, in the mindset that by making commitments to someone else it will force him to move on.. Problem is, that he hasnt delt with the pain or given time to grieve over your 8yr relationship. It wont last, simple as, and like I said, Im betting they dont even get up the aisle...! Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Ed - thanks, I have to keep strong it's true. I had a good day on Saturday, which surprised me. I think today will be hard again though. Kitty - thank you - thank you loads as I do BELIEVE that deep down too, it's very hard to keep strong in the face of it all happening to me right now. I do believe he's taken this very hard. I've asked 2 very short questions to him now on it. Will see if I get a reply so I know a bit more. I do believe that it's possible it was somd kind of mutual event rather than a proposal from him. Wow. Such a rollercoaster!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused kitty Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 Try to keep busy, and keep ur mind occupied with other stuff, I know its difficult to stop those thaughts creeping in but trust me your only hurting yourself more- same goes for social networking sites, block him and her so your not torturing yourself anymore by looking at pics of them together. Luckily my guy isnt into any of those and it was such a blessing, I can only imagine what I would have been like if he was, I would have been on 24hour watch on his profile, reading way too much into the smallest of things - please dont allow either of them cause you any further pain.. BLOCK!!! Keep us informed with the updates, stay strong hunni Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Three months now. I went NC 2.5 weeks ago. I have done well with the NC but felt like reaching out tonight. I didn't. If he'd had space like me, I'd have been able to go back with more tools and knowledge. It's like everything is extra-ballsed-up by the engagement. Is a whole wall between us. Am actually now 99% sure the engagement happened the week they got together. They're still together. Link to post Share on other sites
cyrus9 Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I hear that. I'm probably one of the most impatient person ever lol. I'm just really afraid of losing her for good. The only thing that keeps me on the NC is this feeling in my gut that she'll come back. This girl, I can't shake my love for her. I don't know why. I've been told that "You need to let her go because she's hurt you, etc" but knowing her as well as I do, I know it wasn't on purpose. In many ways, she's like a child. Lost, naive, unsure of where to go. Since I've known her, she's always needed a guide...and all of this sounds like I'm trash-talking her, but the thing is, I wanted to be the person to help her. Walk with her through all of the things she found hard. All of her struggles, insecurities, indecisiveness, and sometimes depression...they were all worth dealing with because I loved her, and she deserved it. I don't know....this girl is perfect for me. She is the ideal woman I've had in my head since I was a 16. She treated me so amazingly well, that she deserves forgiveness. She NEVER once lied to me, never did anything to hurt me. It's just that she's made a mistake. And if anyone deserves a second chance and forgiveness it's her. I just want her to know that, I guess. Sounds like my ex. I feel you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Wow 2 months after an 8 yr relationship?! Something's not right there. I simply don't see that lasting once the honeymoon period wears off. The ex is still not giving himself a chance to miss you, and is probably only doing it to hide what feelings are deep down. I'm sure all have done that one before. My ex went into a new relationship 2 WEEKS after a 2 YEAR engagement! I feel sorry for that poor sap because one day it's all gonna hit her in the ass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 it's = 'Extreme Rebounding' Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 it's = 'Extreme Rebounding' I feel sorry for my ex and her new guy. My ex, because I still deeply care for her, and I know one day this pain is gonna come back.. And this poor guy is gonna have to deal with fallout. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Don't these people have families? If I got engaged to someone I knew 3 months, my family would be giving me a lecture and questioning my sanity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Sugarkane, I have had that exact discussion with friends. Take my scenario, 3 weeks out of a very LTR for my ex, 1 month out of a one-year one for her, engaged within the first week of being actually a couple, and 1 month on has met all her family etc. If it was even a good friend who did this, I'd be polite meeting him etc but i'd pull her over later and say, you have to watch out for yourself or even, what the hell are you doing. One or both in these situations is going to get hurt in some way, for sure. Unless it's the hollywood exception. Link to post Share on other sites
picard123 Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Great news! I sincerely hope it all works out for you. It is lovely to read that dreams can and do come true. Like us all I am in the same situation as you were, and I am keen to start seeing my ex again, but not at the stage where you guys were. Good luck with your lives together, it is lovely 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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