MaJestic Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Hi Its been a while since me and my ex girlfriend broke up but I feel the need to vent my feelings and get some different points of veiw. I am finding it very difficult to get over my ex girlfriend of 2 years, she meant so much to me but I was a fool and took her for granted. Its been nearly 5 months now and although its getting better I still have days when I feel terrible about the whole thing. Im 22 now and was 20 when we first got together, she was the first serious relationship ive had compared to other minor flings in my late teens. After being together happily for just over a year we decided to move in together and got ourselfs a flat. I was over the moon, I felt my life was really starting to go somewhere and that our relationship was going somewhere. At first it was great but then the cracks started to appear, I dont even know how it happened but we started to argue a bit more and got under each others skin and it just kept getting worse. I admit towards the end of our relationship I was not much of a boyfriend, instead of discussing our issues I started going out with my friends again getting pissed and taking coke at the weekends. I took her for granted and didnt appreciate the things she did. The arguements got worse and in the end I couldnt take it anymore and finished it and moved out of the flat. At first I surprised myself as the breakup didnt seem to affect me greatly and I carried on my self destruct mission over the christmas and into the new year. It seemed to be affecting her alot more than me at this point. It wasnt until about 2/3 months after we broke up that I started to miss her and doubt myself and realise what an idiot I had been, I wanted to try and talk to her and work things out. This is the killer............ I found out that she had got a new boyfriend, but this wasnt just some guy, its a guy I used to work with and was pretty good friends with at one point. It hit me like a ton of bricks and it makes me feel so angry when I think about them together. I know that I went about things the wrong way with the drinking and drugs but I never once cheated on her or did anything like that. I suppose you could say I am just as angry at myself for letting this person slip away from me. I feel so low sometimes, this guy has a good job, owns his own house at the age of 24/25 etc.etc. Im back at square one living in my dads house and sleeping in the same bedroom as when I was a kid. Ive thrown it all away and its all my own fault. Im at a complete lose end in my life. Thanks for reading, any comments are greatly appreciated......... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Hi I know that I went about things the wrong way with the drinking and drugs but I never once cheated on her or did anything like that. I suppose you could say I am just as angry at myself for letting this person slip away from me. I feel so low sometimes, this guy has a good job, owns his own house at the age of 24/25 etc.etc. Im back at square one living in my dads house and sleeping in the same bedroom as when I was a kid. Ive thrown it all away and its all my own fault. Im at a complete lose end in my life. Okay, so you have one good thing going for you. You've manned up and realized your mistakes. It's not going to help the situation with your Ex but at least you can learn from your mistakes and apply what you've learned to your next relationship. Dude, you can have it all as well. You can go to school and fix your financial situation. Get a degree or techinical training that's going to land you that awesome paying job so you can afford the finer things in life. IT CAN BE DONE. And stay away from the drugs and alcohol. Name one GOOD thing that happens or results from using that crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MaJestic Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I admit all my mistakes and will most definately learn from them im just angry that I made then in the first place. Im not usually into to drugs or anything like that but I struggle to control my emotions when I know logically what I should be doing. I wrote her a letter the other week not pouring my heart out or anything just said a few things and wished her the best for the future. It was hard but I felt better for it. I didnt expect to hear anything from her but she text me back a week later, all the text said was 'im sorry' i didnt know what to make of it so i text her back. I didnt get a reply and havent heard from her since. I start a new job next week which is a half decent job and hopefully something I can just bury myself in and work hard at to get myself back on track. Going to try and save some money to get myself a place again and a new car that isn't a tin can on wheels! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Reddice Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 So she was in a new relationship within 2 months after the break up? Seems to me she didn't have a really hard time getting over you... It's either that, or this new guy is just a rebound. Want to know if it's trully a rebound and if she still has romantic feelings for you? Become a "plower"! Become the most romantic guy ever and do everything in your power to get her back! Start working on it today and don't worry about the new guy! If she still loves you, she will come back. If not, she will let you know. Just make sure you're completely sure about wanting her back. Don't play with her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) I believe the best thing for you to do is to concentrate on yourself and focus on being the best you can be and while it's going to take awhile for you to get back on your feet, starting somewhere is already half the battle won. While Reddice pointed out that you should become a "plower", I will have to disagree. When a woman starts to become unhappy or feels mistreated in a relationship, her feelings will begin to deteriorate overtime and while she may still be with you, the dynamics within her emotional make in the relationship is changing. She was probably slowly "checking out" of the relationship when you both were going downhill. So, it's not surprising that she was enticed by another whom she felt could offer her more of a secure and mature relationship, and whether it is a rebound or not, she is clearly happy where she is. And it was you who left her, didn't appreciate all she did and delved into bad habits (alcohol & drugs). All that can kill a woman's feelings very quickly. Her short response & non-response to you is an indication that you should move on. You can be the most romantic person in the world to her right now, but if the core issues within yourself are not dealt with, they will most likely emerge at some point. And "plowing" her would just be fluffing her with surface level fantasies when a relationship requires much more than that to sustain itself. If you ever want to be the best you can, with or without her, start focusing on rebuilding and reinventing yourself. If you can't offer yourself anything, what will you be able to offer in a relationship? Learn the lesson and work on you, that is all you can do to help secure a more healthy relationship for yourself in the future. Edited April 24, 2012 by geegirl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Reddice Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 The thing is GeeGirl... He broke up with his ex and is now sorry for it and wants her back. His ex had a hard time and has most likely stepped in a rebound relationship. This is not fair to the other guy either. Anyway, on this forum many people advocate that you should not get back with an ex unless he/she is extremely apologetic and prepared to do anything in his/her power to make things right. He/she needs to come crawling back and trying to do anything in his/her power to make things right. This is what I meant by plowing. If he truly loves her (and she wants him), who are we to deny him happiness. But let him work his butt off for her. He should be 100% certain though that this is what he wants. With even the slighest bit of doubt, he should back off. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 The thing is GeeGirl... He broke up with his ex and is now sorry for it and wants her back. His ex had a hard time and has most likely stepped in a rebound relationship. This is not fair to the other guy either. Anyway, on this forum many people advocate that you should not get back with an ex unless he/she is extremely apologetic and prepared to do anything in his/her power to make things right. He/she needs to come crawling back and trying to do anything in his/her power to make things right. This is what I meant by plowing. If he truly loves her (and she wants him), who are we to deny him happiness. But let him work his butt off for her. He should be 100% certain though that this is what he wants. With even the slighest bit of doubt, he should back off. Well we can't speak for her and that is why I said whether rebound or not, her reaction is not indicating that she's open to letting him in, even a tiny bit. The dynamics of her new relationship with that other guy is not for Majestic or us to speculate or analyze because at the end of the day we will never know. Majestic only has control over his life and his actions. He can work his butt off for her, but it's time to work his butt off for himself. I'm saying that there are core issues as to why he faltered on drugs and alcohol and until he builds himself up, working to get her back is futile. And she has to show some indication that she wants to re-establish some sort of opening. She's not doing that. A non-response (silence) is loud and clear. If in time she comes back to him and opens the door to him, or he feels he's 100% and wants to reconnect with her, that's his choice. But until either one happens, his only focus should be on himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MaJestic Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 Thanks for all the advice, it has given me a different perspective on things and will take it with me for future relationships. Everyone makes mistakes its leanring from them which is key. When I think back we were to people who wanted different things in our lives, even though I am growing up and have responsibilities I am still young and want to go out and enjoy myself alot, whereas she wanted alot more of a home life which i can completely understand given her volatile relationship with her mum. She is the kind of woman if I met in 5 years time when Im in my late 20's I would want to settle down with just not yet. The booze and drugs were just taping over the cracks until it blew up in my face I realise that now. I have found a new addiction now....the gym! and save my drinking for 1 night out at the weekend. Thats it. I completely agree with one of the above comments that I am emotionally immature which is something I need to work on. Like I said in the post this was my first serious relationship so when things got rough I didnt know how to handle it. When my past experience with 'seeing' other women it usually fizzled out in a few months so it wasnt too bad for me to deal with it. Starting to look to the future and not dwelling on the past, as this will get me nowhere in life. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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