Good Idea

[Yes or No?]

My friend reckons that the only way to get over a boyfriend is to find one before you break up with the one you already have.

 

Thoughts on this subject ???

[Jodie]

If you have been in a serious committed relationship, then I think that a time of solitude, reflection and healing are quite beneficial. When a relationship is no longer workable, there are always reasons for the breakdown.

 

If you jump from one to another, without any thought going into it, you are likely to either make the same mistakes, or go for the same kind of guy you just broke up with.

 

Jumping straight to a new boyfriend might make the pain seem less at the time, but really all you are doing is covering up the pain. I really believe that all those bad feelings have got to come out sooner or later, so why not deal with them, and THEN move ahead with a new man. That way you aren't taking all the garbage with you.

[Taressa]

Well I'd have to say I disagree. That type of thinking represents the whole male race as rather expendable, like something we keep around for spare parts.

 

I understand the reasoning behind the philosophy and agree it IS much easier to jump into someone's arms than to jump into the unknown. The only problem is that without the time to recover, rebuild, and learn, we are destined to make the same mistakes without ever growing as a person or taking responsibilty for the failed relationship.

 

I also believe that the boyfriend replacement philosophy discourages you from developing other important relationships in your life. I believe those who take time to develop and maintain platonic friendships are those who offer the best of themselves in love. The strong support of honest friends helps us keep things in perspective so that we make decisions based on wisdom rather than desperation.

[Deejette]

Many people I know think that they need to keep spare parts (extra guys) in reserve because they are so deathly afraid of being alone, any warm body will do, as long as they don't have to face their fearful thoughts. This is the desperate behavior of people who need constant reassurance that they are loved.

 

But people are not interchangeable, mechanical beings and love is not that simple: "I'll just exchange you for another model and everything will be all right." It is about communication, opening hearts, sharing, and really caring about the well-being of the beloved. It is special and when something is special, it is not so easy to replace.

Well I'd have to say I disagree. That type of thinking represents the whole male race as rather expendable, like something we keep around for spare parts. I understand the reasoning behind the philosophy and agree it IS much easier to jump into someone's arms than to jump into the unknown. The only problem is that without the time to recover, rebuild, and learn, we are destined to make the same mistakes without ever growing as a person or taking responsibilty for the failed relationship. I also believe that the boyfriend replacement philosophy discourages you from developing other important relationships in your life. I believe those who take time to develop and maintain platonic friendships are those who offer the best of themselves in love. The strong support of honest friends helps us keep things in perspective so that we make decisions based on wisdom rather than desperation.

 

[Wiser Woman]

Tacky, tacky. If one stays in a relationship because he/she hasn't found something "better"...that's not good. It seems to me that a break up would be inevitable anyhow if a person is searching for someone else while with another person. He/she is not devoting him/herself to the current relationship. Worse yet, if a person begins to carry on with someone else while with another person, well, the scenario only gets very messy. Understandably, fear of loneliness and not having someone around is certainly a factor but perhaps the relationship might survive, if that's what wanted, by a person devoting him/herself to it instead of looking for someone else. If a person is not happy in a relationship and a breakup is inevitable, have the courtesy and class to call it off before running into the arms of someone else.

[Tony T]

Getting over a relationship is the toughest thing in the world to do, short of finding one.

 

Get a dog or cat. They are low maintenance, always there for you to help you through pain in between relationships, they'll go out with you on an instant's notice, the come when they are called (if trained), and dogs are the best because they'll play dead simply for the asking.