Parents have favourites

[Sugarkane]

Some parents try to ensure that there is one child, generally female, who will always stay at home so they will have someone to care for them in their old age. Sounds like you've been elected.[/quote. With the way they treat me with screaming and verball abuse, why the hell would I want too?

[cocorico]

Parents can treat you badly (within the law) while you live in their house. My father always said "while you live under my roof you will do as I say" so I left as soon as I could. Get a job and move out. Having control over your own life is so much better.

[Philosoraptor]

They won't whenever I stand up for myself dad goes into a rage.

Then walk out. Find a roommate if necessary and just leave. If they try to stop you then call for a police escort to be there and allow you to retrieve your items from the house. As I said, when you walk out and no longer have to listen to them you will find some respect.

[firemanq]

We have 2 sets of siblings, 3 older and 3 younger. I am hte oldest, I have a younger brother, then a sister. The younger siblings are the same, 2 brothers and a younger sister. My mother was married to a real ass. He cheated on her when she was carrying my sister. My Grandfather actually went to my bio father's girlfriends house and dragged his naked ass off of the woman, and into the front yard. There was a divorce, but my mother carried a torch for him for years, and probably still does at 81.

 

Mom found another guy who she married. She treated him with disprespect and constantly ran him down to her female friends. To us, he was great, he had 6 kids, we were all his. Mom tended to ignore the 3 older and doted on the 3 younger. When the 3 older kids moved out & were on their own, my parents moved to Alaska with the 3 younger children. My sister visited them and was introduced to members of the church. Church members were surprised by my sisters visit, as mom had not told anyone about the older set of siblings. When I took my family to visit them in Alaska, church members were surprised to meet me.

 

My sister & I have always felt like 2nd class citizens when around the 2nd set of siblings. Mom would tell us how her life would have been better if we had not been born and how we cost too much money. There was always an undercurrent of unhappyness around her. I was glad when I was old enough to move out and be on my own. I have not seen her for several years, since my Fathers funeral. I have 4 children, and she does not even know all of their names. I expect not to see her until her funeral. I will go to support my sister, the 3rd of the original siblings.

 

I still find it very difficult to relate to people, and have a very poor relationship with 2 of my children.

[FitChick]

Mom would tell us how her life would have been better if we had not been born and how we cost too much money.

 

Firemanq, I think I am your long lost sister! My mother also said, "Just wait until you have kids and see what it's like." The joke was on her cuz I never did. It was a relief when she died.

[Eve]

Firemanq, I think I am your long lost sister! My mother also said, "Just wait until you have kids and see what it's like." The joke was on her cuz I never did. It was a relief when she died.

 

NOT PICKING ON YOU. WHAT YOU HAVE STATED IS PERSONAL AND I AM USING MYSELF AS AN INDIRECT EXAMPLE FROM WHAT YOU HAVE STATED.

 

See, I don't understand this. My motto has been to not do to myself what others have done to me.. as well as to others.

 

In my own life something as such I would see an an inability to grade my own feelings due to past abuse. This is how I would approach it with clients also. To say that the 'child' is somehow at fault and must be avoided is beyond strange... No, that decision should be due to lack of maternal or paternal urge. The child is NEVER at fualt and should NEVER be examined as such, otherwise one is siding with abusers, potential or realised.

 

The issue is clearly an issue of temperamental misfitting between humans. Some are able to be resilient and still care for their child, who for whatever reason does not match the parental view. The majority though really are subject to essentially seeing aspects of themselves and not being able to nurture this.

 

This is my conclusion on the topic after seeing many people raise children from an idealised position of who they actually really are. So, it is not about favourites, probably more about an idealised self.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Sugarkane]

Yet no one has ever been able to explain their dysfunctional behaviour to me.

[RiverRunning]

My brother and I took turns being the family black sheep.

 

When I was a kid, no doubt about it, my brother was the golden child of the family. My parents spent lavishly on his high school graduation party and gave him everything he wanted (he's 6 years older than I am - I'm the second and last child).

 

When he got a girlfriend, the crap hit the ROOF. Our mom would constantly pick fights with him like a child, criticizing his girlfriend and the like. Invariably he would blow up and say he'd break up with his girlfriend if it would make her happy. Then she would back down and tell him not to do that. Completely dysfunctional. I went through similar patterns with my boyfriends - she'd tear them down. Exception was my ex, whom she liked a lot.

 

But I think that had more to do with the fact that he made very good money.

 

Look into the possibility of narcissistic personality disorder, OP.

[FitChick]

Yet no one has ever been able to explain their dysfunctional behaviour to me.

 

Knowing "why" won't change their behavior.

[threebyfate]

Yet no one has ever been able to explain their dysfunctional behaviour to me.

No one needs to or can explain their dysfunctional behaviour to you since most of us don't have crystal balls or telepathy.

 

Move out. Once you're autonomous, if they mistreat you, you express it as such and if they don't respect your boundaries, you shut down communications.