Dreaming of having an affair with my ex even though I'm in love with my partner! HELP

[karilee]

This probably sounds really stupid but I cant get it out of my head. Lately I keep dreaming that I'm having an affair with a guy I dated a few years ago for about 2 months. I cant stop thinking about it and cant figure out what it means. Please help?!?

 

I'm with my partner now for almost 7 years. We're both 23 and have been living together since we were about 18. I love him deeply and couldn't imagine life without him. We have a 17 month old daughter and are buying a house together at the moment. So why am I dreaming about a guy I used to be friends with when I was about 15?

 

I feel so guilty that I cant look my partner in the face and he knows somethings up. This guy I'm dreaming about - we used to be best friends when we were 14 or 15. I fancied him like mad for ages and we ended up going out for a little bit. We never had sex as we were so young but in my dreams we have wild sex.

 

I dont know what to do. I dont think I want to be with this guy but I do still have a crush on him. I havent seen him in a few years but he called me about 2 years ago out of the blue saying he loved me. My partner wasn't very impressed as he knows I still have some feelings for him.

 

I don't love him though, so why do I keep dreaming of having an affair with him? I feel so guilty when I look at my partner, it almost feels like I'm really having an affair.

 

My partner is wonderful. We are soulmates. Everything is going great with him and thats why these dreams are worrying me. I could never cheat on him. I love him more than life itself.....

 

I'm so confused......

[anon]

I think its ok to fantasise in a relationship. But the fact that your bf has noticed this concerns me.

 

You say that you don't want to get together with ur ex and you are not going to cheat on your current bf.

 

You also say that you and your bf are soulmates and you love him.

 

So initially i can't see the problem, you are in love and you know nothing will come of these dreams. they mean nothing... or do they? You don't seem to drop them as 'just dreams'. you said that you are confused which suggests that you think about this too much.

 

So i'm inclined to believe that you do care (as you said) about this other guy. More than just as a friend. Maybe you should talk to your bf?

 

I had exactly the same problem, met a guy when i was 12 and had a good, strong friendship. Then when i was 15 i got into a relationship that i'm still in. I was still friends with this other guy.

 

I had dreams like those that you described for a while, tho they were more innocent than 'wild sex'. I started a thread on it and people basically said that i didn't love my bf, i have problems with loyalty, i should finish with him cos he deserves better. This hurt me so i stopped thinking about this guy other than as a friend straight away.

 

I think you should too. Or tell your bf.

[pretty_petal]

I think its ok to fantasise in a relationship. But the fact that your bf has noticed this concerns me.

 

You say that you don't want to get together with ur ex and you are not going to cheat on your current bf.

 

You also say that you and your bf are soulmates and you love him.

 

So initially i can't see the problem, you are in love and you know nothing will come of these dreams. they mean nothing... or do they? You don't seem to drop them as 'just dreams'. you said that you are confused which suggests that you think about this too much.

 

So i'm inclined to believe that you do care (as you said) about this other guy. More than just as a friend. Maybe you should talk to your bf?

 

I had exactly the same problem, met a guy when i was 12 and had a good, strong friendship. Then when i was 15 i got into a relationship that i'm still in. I was still friends with this other guy.

 

I had dreams like those that you described for a while, tho they were more innocent than 'wild sex'. I started a thread on it and people basically said that i didn't love my bf, i have problems with loyalty, i should finish with him cos he deserves better. This hurt me so i stopped thinking about this guy other than as a friend straight away.

 

I think you should too. Or tell your bf.

[karilee]

I have told my boyfriend and he thinks its funny that I'm so worried I'm just gonna forget about it now. I definately don't have feelings for this other guy. It just made me feel so guilty cos in all the time I've been with my boyfriend I've never fantasised about anyone else and it just came out of the blue.

 

My boyfriend knows I think the world of him and would NEVER do anything to hurt him. He thinks its hilarious that I feel so guilty about a stupid dream. I've always told him everything and when I had these dreams, not telling him made me feel really bad. Now that I've told him, I feel much better. I know now it was just me being stupid and these dreams mean nothing. And I also know now that I love my boyfriend even more than ever.