Infusion Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 A few weeks ago, my girlfriend got mad at me and told me that I am never worth it, and that she should always put her friends first because they are the ones who will be with her forever. I thought about what she said and felt terribly bad, thinking that perhaps she said it only out of anger. However, when I asked her about it tonight, she said she still stands by what she said, because she believes that friends will never drift apart. She then asked me whether relationships should be put ahead of friendships, and explained that they shouldn't be, because that'll ruin her life. My reply was: It depends on what you consider your life. She understood what I meant, as her words implied that her friends were her life and not me, or at least more important to her than I am. , and that losing her friends is worse than losing me. Am I being unreasonable to ask that she put me ahead of her friends? Should I really feel upset about what she said? Any opinnion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks alot. Link to post Share on other sites
Tootrustingguy Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 There are so many times in your life you will have to decide what is priority. They will switch back and forth as the situation dictates. A very honest attempt to do the best you can for anyone who means a lot to you should suffice in most cases. I have news for your g/f...friends drift apart. It happens. Life keeps going and it will pull people apart. Relationships end sometimes too. But one KEY thing she seems to be confused about is you should be one of her best friends! And she should be one of yours. Relaitionships are about friendship too, just as much as anything else. How else do you expect to stay in a relationship when both of you are no longer young and able? Either way, everyone one involved should help support the other, not divide them. Link to post Share on other sites
tink_turlte Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 i understand what your g/f is saying about friends coming first but there are times when that is true. i feel that she is not sure whether you are serious about the relationship and so she doesnt want to get hurt. you should ask her if she has been hurt before becuz that could be a factor of why she feels the way she does. you also have to put yourself in her position becuz im sure there are times when u put your friends before her. if not u need sit down and really discuss this with her and tell her that u are hurt by the way that she feels. hope that i helped. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 i dont feel this should be about who is 'most important', it should be a case of maintaining a healthy balance in your life of friends, family, alone time, career and relationships. If, as another poster recognised, you are her 'best friend', a best friend would never request that or ask if they are more important than other people BB Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 A wise person knows how to handle both friends and bf/gf. IMO classifying them is wrong, for they respond to different needs. As long as there is no need to choose, one can happily enjoy both. But saying that in your bf/gf face is, more that her belief, a statement. Maybe it's her way of reaffirming her independence, maybe she' subtily reproaching you that you put your friends first to her, maybe she just isn't mature enough to see that there is no need to choose, and that balance is the key to being happy. Don't contradict her, tell her that you'll never put her in the position to choose and that you love her, with or without her friends. Some things don't worth the two of you having a fight, not even a talk... Link to post Share on other sites
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