lindseyclare Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I was with someone I met in student halls for 6 months, the relationship was escalated by the fact we live together and quickly blossomed to love. Everything was perfect, he treated me great and I completely love him, we never argued. The other week he went home for Easter and I got drunk a few days later and basically cheated on him for no reason other than I was selfish and stupid, I think it was influenced by being at a party with the wrong kind of people I used to know. The next day I felt so guilty so I told him on the phone. He said I have broken his heart for the first time ever and I have no idea how much he loved me. I have been pleading him for a second chance ever since and he has said it will never happen, he still loves me but he cant trust me no-more. He came back to the flat and we were OK we were even still sleeping with each other sometimes and it wasn't him using me because I initiated it. He knows I am sorry and still want him back but he just keeps saying no. Today he went back home because the other night we argued and I was basically a cow he is trying to revise for exams. He is the sweetest guy ever so has forgiven me and we still talk everyday through texts or on the phone. Hes coming back in a week for his last exam until he goes home in which i'll only have a matter of weeks with him before he goes home 250 miles away. I have never regretted something so much in my life, my ex used to cheat on me constantly so I know how he feels and I know for a fact I would never do this again EVER I never want to risk losing the most precious thing in the world to me. He still wants to be my friend still loves me sort of but what can I do to make him change his mind about giving me a second chance at making him happy and that in the long term he could possibly trust me again?????? I'm so desperate and scared i have lost the love of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 With no judgement or sarcasm whatsoever, I simply have to ask: 1. how old are you? and 2. how are you determined to treat him from this point forward as "the love of your life"? (re point #2 - think it through. you don't want to break his heart again.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindseyclare Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 I am 25 next month. I would treat him the same because our relationship was perfect, but I would be everything more for him too. I know he'd be insecure for a long time but I would try my best so as he would not feel like this too often. I would just let him know every day that I loved him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pens55 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 This is a tough situation. I'll try to be impartial as I can. In my opinion, you need to express your regret to him but you owe it to him to think and work on yourself for a while. Not to be harsh, but you really need to figure out if you are capable of this type of action again. If you cannot honestly promise yourself it will never happen again, your ex deserves to be spared the pain of future infidelity. That being said, if you eventually decide to fully commit to making this work (granted he is forgiving), you have an extremely tough road ahead of you. He will have very little trust and will need to be assured by your ACTIONS. Any mistake you make will be magnified, and you must be willing to accept that and face the consequences. It will often be harder on you than it will on him. There's no guarentees, but if you truely want to fight for him, you'll do everything possible to maximize the chances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 This happened to me a while back. I cheated on someone that was great but was going through a hard time and had completely pulled away from the relationship. we never got back together. Probably for the best. I regret it every single day of my life and I still, a year and a half later, struggle to forgive myself. I have gone to therapy and I have tried to piece my life back together but it has not been easy. I think if your boy forgives you, you are very, very, very lucky and should never let go of him again. If he does not, you have a hard road ahead of you but you can do it. but I suggest you get professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 basically cheated on him for no reason other than I was selfish and stupid, I notice you gloss over this and just talk over and over about how you regret it. How were you selfish and stupid to completely disregard this "perfect" relationship of yours? What were you thinking for real? Dont blame it on your friends either, you chose to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Why would you even be in a headspace that allowed you to be with another person if you were so in love and everything was perfect? What does being drunk have to do with cheating? What does other people being there have to do with cheating? No amount of alcohol has ever caused me to cheat on my husband, and I can drink a lot Link to post Share on other sites
listen_to_me_please Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) that girl doesn't regret it, she'll do it again, i mean whores are people too. well i could be jumping the gun as they probably weren't a couple but still, i mean she like's cock... i don't blame her but don't pretend to be sorry like you actually care about the "best boy ever" in closing and because i'm so bored watching ac360 hey you got a pic? Are you sexy? how does that other sayin go? when the cat's away, the mouse will play.. lol Edited June 13, 2012 by listen_to_me_please 2 Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 See this is where I have a problem when someone that is so in love cheats. I have been in love and the thought of cheating on my girlfriend never even crossed my mind. You could have gotten me drunk and thrown the dallas cowboy cheerleaders on a bed naked begging and I would have walked away. Thats love. So move on and keep dating till you find a guy that you couldn't even think about cheating on. Thats when you will know that you are truely in love and not just happy or having a good time with a great guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) I am 25 next month. I would treat him the same because our relationship was perfect, but I would be everything more for him too. I know he'd be insecure for a long time but I would try my best so as he would not feel like this too often. I would just let him know every day that I loved him! It's perplexing when someone claims it was the perfect relationship, yet cheats. I wonder if you're wanting him back because you're seeking a crutch. I could be drunk as a skunk but if I loved someone and was in a perfect relationship, I'd be staggering back home to my perfection. There are deeper issues within you that need working on. Time to explore why you are "stupid and selfish." Edited June 13, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I agree with Geegirl. There is just something missing. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 She is young and made a mistake. I bet both of you have made the SAME mistake in your past. You learn not to do something by doing it Link to post Share on other sites
Pens55 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Yeah, I've gotta go with wilson on this one. Not approving of it or anything, but I know a few people who have cheated when they were young and stupid, but learned from it. Its not as black and white as 'once a cheater always a cheater' Yes, the probability is higher, but sometimes people do really learn. I touched a hot stove once, I learned not to do it again. Same principle. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 She is young and made a mistake. I bet both of you have made the SAME mistake in your past. You learn not to do something by doing itI get that but isn't 25 a bit too old to be making those types of mistakes? I'm that age too but I won't be doing the same things I would do when I was 18-20 yrs old otherwise it would mean I haven't mature at all. There is a point where you're suppose to be aware of which situations not to be yourself put such as don't get together with an opposite sex member if you can't control your drinking or simply don't drink too much (if you can't handle drinking). Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 People mature at different ages. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I commend you for admitting the ONS to him. To try to build a relationship with someone with that kind of lie hanging over you will only erode your relationship, and the guilt will eat away at you if you have any conscience at all. You tried to make it right with him after the fact by confessing, and that was the right thing to do. The thing is, infidelity is the worse thing you could do to a SO, as you know. Most people aren't able to recover from that. Once the trust is broken, it's extremely hard to get back, and usually never comes back completely. I think you really can't expect him to get over this and trust you again. It takes years to regain trust back, and it doesn't come back completely. Sorry, but you blew it with this guy. Doesn't sound like he's going to take you back, and no begging or pleading or promises are going to change that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I commend you for admitting the ONS to him. To try to build a relationship with someone with that kind of lie hanging over you will only erode your relationship, and the guilt will eat away at you if you have any conscience at all. You tried to make it right with him after the fact by confessing, and that was the right thing to do. The thing is, infidelity is the worse thing you could do to a SO, as you know. Most people aren't able to recover from that. Once the trust is broken, it's extremely hard to get back, and usually never comes back completely. I think you really can't expect him to get over this and trust you again. It takes years to regain trust back, and it doesn't come back completely. Sorry, but you blew it with this guy. Doesn't sound like he's going to take you back, and no begging or pleading or promises are going to change that.I like that one. You're not giving the OP a pat on the back nor being harsh but just right on the spot. Cheating is sort of the equivalent of saying to the OP ''You're not the love of my life'' but in an indirect way + including a third party. OP is he is keeping you as a friend, that's better than if he were going completely NC with you. In a way he is forgiving you but not in the way of getting back together with you. But who knows.... maybe he might reconsider it if you show him that you're be able to take responsibility for your actions and not get easily influenced when drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) People mature at different ages.And some don't at all. For instance, if I were talking to my ex bf I would feel as if I had a 15-18 year-old highschooler speaking to me when he's already 27 (srs). His topics include nothing but clubs, why some girls are stupid according to him, his latest break-up, beer brand and other pointless conversations I would have with a teenage boy. Years later I'm questioning what was so special about him? Now I wouldn't even last 1 minute talking with someone within that poor education level. In contrast to my college collegue, his conversation were about business related fields he wants to apply after graduating, novels, usuage of sophisticated terms, etc. With him, it felt like I was talking to a man at an adult, mature level. Edited June 14, 2012 by samsungxoxo Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 this is where i do not agree.not everyone cheats im proud to say i never cheated never even crossed my mind like leoc.Its an obligation that i bound myselve when im in a relationship,atleast thats my mindset,to OP your relationship will NEVER be the same again,and yes im sure you wont do it again for now,but you will do it again,and you will shift the blame to circumstances rather than your own restrain ability,why?because currently your remorse is only to get your boy back,as time passes that remorse will slowly fade away and thats when the demon returns TD Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 See this is where I have a problem when someone that is so in love cheats. I have been in love and the thought of cheating on my girlfriend never even crossed my mind. You could have gotten me drunk and thrown the dallas cowboy cheerleaders on a bed naked begging and I would have walked away. Thats love. So move on and keep dating till you find a guy that you couldn't even think about cheating on. Thats when you will know that you are truely in love and not just happy or having a good time with a great guy. She wasn't in love. See how she mentions over and over again about 'what a great guy he was'. If you are in love you don't mention that, you mention how you had the hots for him/her ... how you can't stop thinking about him/her, how much you want that person and how much that person rocked your world. Especially at 6months. To the OP, i don't commend you for telling him. He needed to know, and the outcome was right, but the question is why did you do it ? I think you wanted to sabotage your relationship, you went to a party and screwed some guy. After that, your guilt took over and you told him, but the underlying reason for doing what you did was that you wanted out of the relationship. Get into therapy and look deeply at the relationship you had with that ex of yours who you said cheated on you a lot, i suspect it shattered your self-esteem and when you met a guy who was 'too good to be true' you decided to jump the gun on the cheating. I don't think you felt you deserved him before the cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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