Kalbi Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I have never been in a chat forum or posted before, however I am at witt's end and need some feedback. Points: I am a professional who gave up 150.00 a year to move to a Caribbean Island with my partner of 14 years. We were supposed to get married however that has never happened....and now I think we are spearating. I have always loved him and supported him emotionally, and financially, however the tables are turned in the fiance department I went home for a few weeks, a couple of months ago.......When I came back, I knew something had changed........He wanted nothing to do with me.....re sexual, and this is highly uncharacteristic of him....Our sex life has always been wonderful...for both of us, I believe. Well, one morning upon my return, I was cleaning our house, which appeared totally trashed from my absense....I found a used condom in our bedroom wastebasket......and a women's shirt under our bed.........He totally denied this on his mother's life. Lately, he spends very little time with me, and works partime now in a bar, along with holding his fulltime position........so he is gone most days and nights. When he is at the office late, he spends most of his time looking at naked twenty year olds.....on the internet...he is 40. He, after a long day sweating at work, or being at the bar, will not shower before he comes to bed anymore.......and totally rejects any and all advances made towards him.............He showers however before he goes to the bar...or to work....... There is no counselling or any such thing here.............Here states he does not want me to leave....and to leave means I must leave this paradise, as I have no financial means of my own anymore.... He has been totally disrespectful throughout the past few months....ie: when we plan a supper together he does not show up, for hours after the planned time.....no phone calls nothing He has hit me, hard I am totally unhappy obviously.............feeling very trapped.........however more importantly, I have lost my own self respect..........due to all of this.... I truly feel he has been with someone else, however he denies this and says he wants us to stay together I am extremely unhappy, alone, and Link to post Share on other sites
cuteamidy Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 i think even you know the relationship is hopeless why stay if you are unhappy Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 He has hit me, hard Do you mean that he has physically hit you? If so, how long has this been going on? Link to post Share on other sites
kalbi Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Yes, I am embarrassed to report that he has physically hit me....and kicked me while he was under the influence of alcohol..........he appears to have his alcohol consumption in check, although after the incidents (there have been two in total) during the past four years...he promised not to drink anymore......He has started drinking, working in the bar doesn't help of curse.....but has managed to consume only a couple of beer each night. He refuses to go for counselling (ie:medical doctor)....and states he does not have a problem.......yet all of his actions speak to a huge problem.......I also believe both professionally and personally that he suffers from depression......or perhaps is even manic depressive.......I just do not know what to do, as this was our dream........and I left my career making 150,000.00 per year.......gave everything up............He also insists I do not wear my engagement ring....his reason: He is waiting for things to get better for him I just don't get it...........I have not changed, besides totally stressed out from this mess..........I catch him sometimes looking at me........like he hates what he sees.....I am very attractive and was very successful........Now that I only contribute in managing our household....and no longer financially contributing.........it is like he can't stand me How to I break free???? Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 You need to leave as soon as possible. You cannot fix him. But you can get control of your own life. After you leave, you can get back into the work force and start making good money again. You can work on yourself, and build up your self esteem. You should consider getting some counselling, too. Anyone who has been physically abused should. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Originally posted by kalbi How to I break free???? Just go. Go back home. Why are you waiting for an abusive man to marry you? You are a successful, intelligent woman, don't let him destroy you totally. Link to post Share on other sites
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