iris219 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Everyday contact at the start of dating is very important to me. It's how I bond with a man. I can't bond by seeing someone once a week and speaking infrequently. For me, it's back to square one each time and I just can't get close or care about the person that much; this sort of dating relationship never works for me. Also, I'll assume a guy is either not into me or not into having a committed relationship if I don't hear from him frequently and I'll move on quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
persevere Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Ok ladies now I'm really screwed because I thought a lot of contact early on was coming on to strong IMO. I kept constant light contact with the last woman but she started to slack in response by ignoring a text then call. Now I usually texted her bc she almost never answered her phone and she texted back to calls. I hear ya. This is exactly what has happened to me. I would get a texted to response to calls, hours later. Never actually had her answer a call. Also, I was hesitant to call after our first date for a few days. In the past, I've felt I called too soon, scaring them away. Wait too long? They think you're not interested? I guess its better to just use logic, something less pertinent these days it seems. Call when you feel like it. Once a day, several times a week, etc. If its ' real' then the communication will flow. She' ll answer, call back etc. If not, she's playing games or not interested. Besides, who wants a relationship where youre always guessing and have halted comm.? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Ok ladies now I'm really screwed because I thought a lot of contact early on was coming on to strong IMO. I kept constant light contact with the last woman but she started to slack in response by ignoring a text then call. Now I usually texted her bc she almost never answered her phone and she texted back to calls. You should be able to tell if it's too much or not. I mean, if she is not responding then obviously she isn't interested...but honestly I REALLY think that if 2 people genuinely are interested in one another there will be at least light contact pretty much daily. In the very beginning I could see every other day or something, but IME it's escalated to daily VERY early on with people when there was mutual high interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
persevere Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 I went out on date I had met online. I emailed her the very next day to tell her I had a good time and detail the next date. (I knew she was at work and I had to work that night, thus the email) I never got a response. I should have dropped it, and left it, just then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 You should be able to tell if it's too much or not. I mean, if she is not responding then obviously she isn't interested...but honestly I REALLY think that if 2 people genuinely are interested in one another there will be at least light contact pretty much daily. In the very beginning I could see every other day or something, but IME it's escalated to daily VERY early on with people when there was mutual high interest. I agree. If I like the guy, it's almost impossible for him to contact me too much. Ideal is a phone call every day, even if just to talk a bit, and possibly a little texting. This tells me clearly that he wants to get to know me and be part of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 I agree. If I like the guy, it's almost impossible for him to contact me too much. Ideal is a phone call every day, even if just to talk a bit, How early do you want that level of contact? After the first date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 How early do you want that level of contact? After the first date? Yes. The next day, and then from then on, is ideal for me. It tells me he likes me a lot and isn't gonna let me get away 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Yes. The next day, and then from then on, is ideal for me. It tells me he likes me a lot and isn't gonna let me get away He better be treating you right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 Everyday contact at the start of dating is very important to me. It's how I bond with a man. I can't bond by seeing someone once a week and speaking infrequently. For me, it's back to square one each time and I just can't get close or care about the person that much; this sort of dating relationship never works for me. Also, I'll assume a guy is either not into me or not into having a committed relationship if I don't hear from him frequently and I'll move on quickly. Totally agree. A "great on paper" guy is contacting me about every 3 days right now. Every time we talk again, he feels almost like a stranger to me, and I'm quickly cooling to him. I'm not even excited for another date, and probably won't say yes unless he invites me to something really special. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Yes. The next day, and then from then on, is ideal for me. It tells me he likes me a lot and isn't gonna let me get away Fair enough. I'm not sure that I would feel comfortable calling every day after just 1 date, unless it was encouraged somehow. I think it would seem like too much too fast and I would be concerned about coming on too strong, even if I liked my date a lot. But now that I know you like it I'll call you more. Link to post Share on other sites
persevere Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 There's all these books and articles about "rules". Some people seem to take that stuff too seriously. Wait two days..Don't do this or that.. F all that. Just call when you want to. If they cant handle someone trying to be upfront and *gasp*, nice, then let them suffer while dating jerks. Not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 You should be able to tell if it's too much or not. I mean, if she is not responding then obviously she isn't interested...but honestly I REALLY think that if 2 people genuinely are interested in one another there will be at least light contact pretty much daily. In the very beginning I could see every other day or something, but IME it's escalated to daily VERY early on with people when there was mutual high interest. Good point and I don't mind a woman calling/texting me either, as long as she's not texting me the whole day like twitter lol. This last sit that fell apart really confused me and it's hard not have a "hangover" when you meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 Fair enough. I'm not sure that I would feel comfortable calling every day after just 1 date, unless it was encouraged somehow. I think it would seem like too much too fast and I would be concerned about coming on too strong, even if I liked my date a lot. But now that I know you like it I'll call you more. The guy who calls me most days - I told him last night that I was glad he called. There's never any doubt I'm glad to hear from him. The guys who space it out - when I answer the phone, my tone is almost like: "Who is this again?" Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) I totally understand your point. If you say such things, that shows you are very into her, you are not confident enough, you are needy, you are jealous etc How about telling them 'don't play games with me' when they are obviously playing games with you? It tells them you just lost the game. I wish I can go over the rules with them, sign it together and get notarized It's not needy or not confident to have a need for contact or want a woman that doesn't play games. If we've been dating regularly for a month or two and if I like them I put my heart on my sleeve and tell them "If you interested in getting to know each other -- stay in touch -- if you can't or aren't interested in doing that -- I'm going to lose interest pretty fast -- bc that's the way I work" I'm honest. Everyone has a different need for contact -- it's about compatibility... there is no right or wrong amount of contact. Strokes and folks. For instance -- I'm looking to build a relationship with someone with the same goal -- I don't have time to waste on immature, avoidant, emotionally unavailable or commitment phobic woman. If they see me as needy or not confident then they're someone who doesn't know how to or can't meet my particular need for contact and therefore we aren't a good fit. It's how I weed out women that aren't a fit for me. Edited April 26, 2012 by The Great Gazoo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Update: The guy who calls daily is getting me wrapped around his little finger. But I'm fighting that, of course, in a fun way. The every-3-days guy is getting ignored for the moment, till I think of the best way to drop him. He lost my interest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Ladies I just don't understand how calling a woman you just met nearly every day doesn't come across as over eager or desperate. To me it's acting like you already "got her", which can be a big turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
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