Yikes Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 It is my week for the kids. My son is off at camp with his class, which is fine. My ex shows up at 10 a.m. on Saturday to take our 11 year old daughter to watch her friend's soccer game, but would be back by 12:30 p.m.. All of this in itself is okay, no real problem. It’s fathers day weekend, I’ll still have the rest of the day to spend with my daughter... right? Wrong. My ex decided to just keep her all day! She had my daughter call me at 2 p.m. to tell me that she was having lunch with mom, then watching one more game. I wait around all friggin day, trying to stay busy as my blood begins to boil. At 6:30 my daughter calls again to say everyone went back to the house of one of her friends for a BBQ and a swim but she forgot to call. I tell her fine, but I’d like to speak with your mom. I POLITELY told my ex that in the future SHE needs to be discussing these sorts of things with me NOT putting my daughter in the middle. Needless to say she got pissy with me because she doesn't like ANYONE standing up to her least of all me. She lost it and said "Fine come and get her" then hung up on me. She did not seem to understand that something is wrong with this picture. It's fathers day weekend, it's my regular time with the kids yet I have NO kids. I was fine with her doing a little time with our daughter on my time. (I'll do whatever if I think it's in the best interest of the kids) What made me mad was it was supposed to be about 2 hours tops NOT all day, and if plans might possibly change SHE, needs to clear it with me NOT have my daughter call. By the way, mothers day fell on my week this year and do you know what I did? I took the kids back to her on Saturday evening instead of Sunday evening so they could be with their mom, sleep there, then get up and make her mothers day breakfast just like they used to do when we were together. I am prepared to be the easiest going ex-husband but she may as well learn now that she will not be taking advantage of me. Tell me, am I being unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 It's fathers day weekend, it's my regular time with the kids yet I have NO kids. I was fine with her doing a little time with our daughter on my time. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Link to post Share on other sites
dasani08810 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 If anything, you're being unreasonable to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Give an inch, and some will take a mile. Don't play the nice, easy going ex anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
TreeHugger Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 IMO, You are NOT being unreasonable at all!!! Your children deserve to celebrate with you on fathers day....by the way, Happy Fathers Day.... Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Maybe, I'm thinking about this wrong, but I think it would be hard for an 11yo girl to give up a BBQ and swim with a friend. I understand where you are coming from, but just be sure you are thinking about the best interest of your children. Don't get sucked into a power struggle over them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yikes Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 I was in no way implying that she would not be allowed to go to the BBQ or swim. The people that she spent the day with are all friends and aquaintences of mine as well. I could have been with her for the day and done the same things. What I see happening here is my wife using this to get extra time. I don't mind being flexible, I would prefer to keep things light and easy, I feel that is best for the kids. This is what I would have preferred that she'd done... after the first soccer game was finished, they could run what ever "fathers day" errands that they needed to do. At this point if my daughter wanted to go back and watch another game and do time with the girls then my ex should have said "your dad is expecting you back shortly but I am sure that if you ask him he'll take you back for the second game. If he can't and it's okay with him, I can take you." The problem that I have is NO consideration was given to me and that my daughter was put in the middle. If my ex says they'll be two hours tops, that's what I expect. I spent the entire day by myself waiting for my daughter to come home. My plan was that since my son was away for the weekend, we could have some some quality one on one time. I feel my ex took advantage of the situation. All she has to do is treat me with consideration and respect and we will have no problems whatsoever. However treating me with respect and consideration is something that she has not been very good at in the past. That might just have something to do with why we are where we are. She is not a bad person, however she tends not to put herself in someone else's shoes, but rather looks after her needs first. (not always, but quite often) Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Yes, now that you explain it more, it certainly sounds like you are being reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
zoomer Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 You are MOST CERTAINLY not being unreasonable, can't even believe you would ask!!! First of all, does your decree not specifically outline Mothers Day and Fathers Day?? If not, it should. No exceptions. I would explain to the Ex-wife next time that if the children have a game....You will take them, no problem. Why not? Holiday and Mothers day/Fathers Day should supersede normal scheduled weekends. Therefore, you should have gotten the entire weekend as she should have gotten the entire weekend on Mothers Day. Check with your counsel in getting the Decree laid out more specifically if the problem continues. This would take a Motion being filed and could be settled by you both out of court which could eliminate problems in the future. Sorry about your Father's Day....it's certainly not the children's fault and I'm sure if they knew how it hurt your feelings they would feel horrible! They love you and would never want to hurt you intentionally! Good Luck and Stand up for yourself....STAND YOUR GROUND...You do have rights! Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Okay this just pisses me off! Women everywhere are fighting to have fathers pay support and see their kids every once and a while and your ex won't help you see your's on a scheduled day when you WANT them. If anyone deserved a happy father's day it's you! Don't let her come between you and your kids again- They need all the caring people they can get and you sound like a truly loving father. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yikes Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 I actually KNEW that I wasn't being unreasonable, it was more sarcastic venting. I still had all day Sunday with her, so the entire weekend was not a right-off. I am thinking that I will sit down with my ex and try to make her understand that if she tries to take advantage of me, we'll have to go to the letter of the law. Our aggreement spells out only the actual day not the entire weekend as far as mothers/fathers day goes. BUT this was MY week, NOT hers. If we can be respectful of each other and somewhat flexible I think it's better for the kids. We need to set a good example for them so they know that their mother and I can work together and still be friends This would have been an issue on any other weekend when I have the kids. The simple fact that it was fathers day weekend and I already lost my son to camp that made it worse. I did not enjoy spending my Saturday by myself when I should have been with my daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
zoomer Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 If we can be respectful of each other and somewhat flexible I think it's better for the kids. We need to set a good example for them so they know that their mother and I can work together and still be friends I totally agree with that statement!!! However, unfortunately, too many times this behavior is not practiced by once married couples! Wish all would take your advice and heed. Hopefully you and your ex can exercise this and have a future in harmony with each other. Good Luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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