Author kaityjane Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 So what's stopping you? Truthfully? probably only the fact that he'll know its me, and get very, very ugly. I can't risk that. Thats the only thing thats stopping me. And trust me, I've thought of every diabolical plan to make her know without disclosing its me. The ugly truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaityjane Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 The truth is kaityjane is that if you can't handle an affair for what it is then you need to get out. It's as simple as that. He has already made his position clear through inaction, so if you can't just enjoy him for the sex without getting attached there is no point in staying involved. If his wife finds out he will promptly throw you under the bus and twist things against you just to save his "ass"ets. I'm not condoning affairs, just merely stating what they are. You CANNOT have any expectations what-so-ever when you are involved with a MP. When you do you only end up getting hurt. Yup. Too late for that. I didn't go in thinking Id fall in love, trust me. I went in, thinking i'd find my own escape from a bad marriage. if I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't be here. I'd tell anyone to not go this route. Its awful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaityjane Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 Kaityjane, I hear it gets easier the longer you stay NC. What are you doing to stay busy? What are you doing for YOU? Unfortunately, I work from home, by myself. So thats not helping. My mind goes constantly, thinking and thinking. I'm contemplating running or working out. Anything to take my mind off of this. Thank you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaityjane Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 Hi there Like yourself I have been reading this for a while but never plucked the courage up to answer.I had an affair with a married man for 8 years.We were both married and at first I was happy with this but I fell in love with him.He didn't feel the same so he dumped me.However we still meet up and have sex regularly.I keep hoping that he will change his mind because I still love him. You have lost a lot. I did too.Bottom line is that he will never leave his wife and you have to move on and have no contact with him or you will end up like me.Sitting alone waiting on the phone ringing or an email or that visit. Why do you do it? Why not find something whole? I ask because I'm in the same position. I know theres a world out there, and yet, I can't seem to find the will to want it. He lies to me and I just accept it as part of the deal. I would never do that in a real relationship; it boggles my mind why I allowed it in this one. It seems so easy to just walk away, but the reality is that its the hardest thing Ive ever done. Much harder than leaving my 22 year marriage. Incredible. Link to post Share on other sites
Bellechica Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 KaityJane, exercise definitely helps. It helps at least temporarily get endorphins to the brain. There are also some mood boosting foods. Try to eat healthy and take care of yourself. I know it sucks. I'm only eight days NC. Making it happen though..... Yes, it's odd how we put up with being treated horrible by an AP where in another type of relationship we wouldn't put up with such crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaityjane Posted May 3, 2012 Author Share Posted May 3, 2012 How about she is a woman who trusts her husband? That doesn't make her naive or stupid or whatever. It makes her a trusting woman. She put her trust erroneously into her husband. She expected him to remain loyal and true. She expected him to honor their marriage vows. She expects him to talk to her if he is unsatisfied. She expects him to be a man and instead of dropping his pants, to open his mouth and work with her to fix whatever he deems 'broken' that he chose to cheat. Heck, their marriage could be fine, and the problem is with HIM. Hockeyfan, I totally agree with you. I don't blame her in any way for wanting to trust her husband. I will admit that I could never be as trusting as her under the circumstances. He's with me at least 5 nights a week, never picks up the phone when she calls, texts constantly, she's found receipts for obvious purchases for me, like purses and shoes. He's spends weekends with me at least every couple months, overnights all the time. He's texted her by mistake things that were for me. But no matter what, she believes him. At times I thought she must be the most naive woman on the planet, but I don't believe that. She's very intelligent in fact. I believe its that he's an amazing manipulator and liar. And she loves him, and wants to believe the best. NOthing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 How about she is a woman who trusts her husband? That doesn't make her naive or stupid or whatever. It makes her a trusting woman. She put her trust erroneously into her husband. She expected him to remain loyal and true. She expected him to honor their marriage vows. She expects him to talk to her if he is unsatisfied. She expects him to be a man and instead of dropping his pants, . ??? That's what men do....drop their pants and have sex with a lot of women. Being faithful and celibate is diametrically opposed to how men are programmed; in other words, it doesn't come as natural as sleeping around. This is not some revelation but something that anthropologists, psychologist, etc., are well aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 How about she is a woman who trusts her husband? That doesn't make her naive or stupid or whatever. It makes her a trusting woman. She put her trust erroneously into her husband. She expected him to remain loyal and true. She expected him to honor their marriage vows. She expects him to talk to her if he is unsatisfied. She expects him to be a man and instead of dropping his pants, to open his mouth and work with her to fix whatever he deems 'broken' that he chose to cheat. Heck, their marriage could be fine, and the problem is with HIM. Hockeyfan, I totally agree with you. I don't blame her in any way for wanting to trust her husband. I will admit that I could never be as trusting as her under the circumstances. He's with me at least 5 nights a week, never picks up the phone when she calls, texts constantly, she's found receipts for obvious purchases for me, like purses and shoes. He's spends weekends with me at least every couple months, overnights all the time. He's texted her by mistake things that were for me. But no matter what, she believes him. At times I thought she must be the most naive woman on the planet, but I don't believe that. She's very intelligent in fact. I believe its that he's an amazing manipulator and liar. And she loves him, and wants to believe the best. NOthing wrong with that. This actually sounds more like a woman who doesn't want to give up her life style as opposed to her being manipulated. She is probably doing the same thing and they have an agreement. It's quite possible that he is manipulating you more than her. If I were you, I would let him go because it sounds more like he is just enjoying the best of both worlds. He has a wife and family for appearances and he has you too. I dunno kaityjane, you really need to take a good long look at what is really happening here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLost Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 Kaityjane, stick in there. Don't make it about him or her. This process needs to be about you. x Link to post Share on other sites
Bellechica Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 Yes KaityJane....focus each day on you getting past him and moving on. His wife can't be that naive. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 Kaityjane I apologize because I didn't read your story from the opening post, so please ignore my earlier responses. Hang in there with NC. I didn't realize you guys actually had an apartment together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaityjane Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 If I could ask for your thoughts or even prayer s. I feel like I'm in the fight of my life tonight. My mind playing tricks on me. I just want my life back. I need to feel strength wash down over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaityjane Posted May 5, 2012 Author Share Posted May 5, 2012 Hang in there kaityjane, sometimes it's one minute at a time. Get busy, do something instead of thinking of him. Do something that requires concentration. Hugs........and prayers. thank you LG, coming here helps. Sometimes its all I want to do. I've been thinking lately that I feel more like an addict sometimes than anything. I've disregarded everyone for him. I let friends and activities go. Now feel very isolated. Of course its my secret, my shame, so now dealing with it on my own for the most part. Interesting to me though, that all that talk of not being able to live without me all this time....turns out he can. Nothing made him leave, not even losing me. There was a part of me that thought maybe..... Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 I also thought "maybe", until he up and moved all the way across the country without so much as a warning or even a goodbye. And this was only a couple of months after he had held me and told me that the coming year would be so much better. Sucker! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLost Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 KJ, I wrote you a reply in the other post. About the 'maybe he will change his mind' thing. Of course he may and maybe it will come at a time so far down the line you won't want him! Maybe he will and maybe he won't. The very important thing for you is that you (we) learn to live again without him (them). Right now - and maybe forwever moving forwards- it is over. You really don't need or want this man in your life look at the pain he is causing! Link to post Share on other sites
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