confusedtothebone Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 So, here's what's going on right now. I'm basically a cheater waiting to happen I feel like. I'll tell you what's happened so far but let me give you a little background. I have never had a real boyfriend but I will refer to these guys from my past as boyfriends. I have only had sex with my fiance. I'm 26 and he's 29 and we've been together for 6 years, engaged a little over one of those years. He has experience in long term relationships and sex. I ended up chatting on facebook a couple times with an old boyfriend and the conversation definately crossed the line. That happened once quite a while back and once more this weekend. I also got in contact with another old boyfriend the weekend before and I was the one that initiated the contact via text. The contact with the second guy pretty much made the thought "I don't want to get married" go through my head. FYI nothing innapropriate happened in that conversation but the intent was definately innapropriate. I ended up having a sick, sinking, vomiting feeling in my gut for a week. I keep having this feeling that I want to date, experiment with other guys and to be quite honest find someone that's hot. God that sounds awful. I was attracted to my fiance in the beginning but now I'm not sure if I really am. I mean, I fantasize about other guys quite a bit now. My fiance isn't ugly but he doesn't make me say "oh baby" when I look at him. I ended up going to see a counselor and she advised me not to tell my fiance about the contact with the x boyfriends. I went against her advice because I felt uber guilty. I didn't quite give him all the details, I told him it was one guy and there was nothing innapropriate. We also talked about how we need to communicate (because we don't) and also we talked about sex. The whole sex thing I'm just now figuring out is not right (I guess that happens when you have nothing to compare to). In the 6 years we've been together I never had an orgasm. I've introduced very tame toys into the bedroom like edible body paints, blind folds etc. He was never interested in using them, he would let me use them on him but he wouldn't use them on me. Come to find out he thinks that they're a little weird... Also, he comes really fast. He told me in the beginning that no one has made him come that fast. I thought it would go away eventually but it hasn't. I'm just not sure if I can ever truly be satisfied sexually in this relationship. We're supposed to get married in 3 months and I'm starting to freak out. I mean, yeah we can work on stuff but what if it never gets better? We've talked about things before and nothing changes so I'm not sure what would be so different now. All that being said I think we're REALLY compatible as far as kids, religion, politics, activities etc. We have a great relationship but sometimes I feel like we're just room mates. We had sex last night because I wanted to try and work on the passion and to see if he would take the time to get me to orgasm. After a long while I did... we figured it out eventually... The thing is, I tried to keep myself hot and ready all day so that way I'd be roaring by the time I got home. I'm not sure if I can keep that up ya know? For the record we can go weeks without it. Ugh... advice? Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Don't marry him. You are not ready. The sex will only get worse and you will cheat on him. Trust me I know this from personal experience in a sexless marriage. He may be right but not right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Welcome confusedtothebone. Does this feel familiar? - G.I.G.S. By the sounds of it honey, you should call this off. At least say you want to postpone the wedding, and do that soon... it's getting close, and you need time to sort this out. Everything will get on top of you and you won't be able to stop everything happening. Do not get married unless you know what you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Don't marry with this kind of feeling. You're way too young to settle for "roommates". Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'd say at least find out if you can have a sexually open relationship, if you do feel that way. So much of this smells so similar to what I went through with my ex, only we never got to the 'engaged' state. Sexually it was a nightmare. Everything else was pretty good. But when it came down to it, I place a lot of importance on sex and I couldn't settle for someone who was sexually selfish and just plain...awful in bed. You would think with all the 'experience' some of these guys get, they would be better in bed. Why is it that it seems like some of the most sexually experienced guys are the worst in bed? Is it just that they hop from relationship to relationship and as each girl finds out how awful he is, she dumps him? I say bail if you can. Or, like I said, at least have a sexually open relationship, if he's open to that. If my ex had been okay with that, maybe we would've stayed together. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 You would think with all the 'experience' some of these guys get, they would be better in bed. Why is it that it seems like some of the most sexually experienced guys are the worst in bed? Is it just that they hop from relationship to relationship and as each girl finds out how awful he is, she dumps him? . I reckon good looking guys who serial monogamists have just basically never needed to try that hard. They assume they are great, cause getting it isn't a challenge, or something, so they get a bit cocky and lazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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