I've Recently Dated An Abused Woman

[pip18036]

I'm not sure there is anything I can really do, but here goes.....

 

I dated a woman for 6 months. Spent every single day with her. It was the happiest I've been in a very long time. She is married with 2 kids, but they were separated for about a year. He lies, cheats, controls her, and is physically abusive. He's punched her in the face and given her black eyes, pushed her into a car, pushed her into a table and made her head bleed. She has had a temporary restraining order on him in the past. He also has an alcohol and drug problem.

 

When he got released from the military a little over a month ago she told him she didn't want to be with him anymore and was happy with someone else. He went crazy! Found my number on her phone account cause he controls it. The only thing he has paid for is her phone. He doesn't take care of his kids. So he blocks me from her phone. She unblocks me. Like 2 days before she goes to Cali, she comes to my house and tells me she knows what she wants and that she wants to be with me and hasn't been this happy in a long time.

 

She agrees to go to Cali to drive his car back cause he doesn't have a license and it's under her name. A 3 day trip turns into a month. He broke 2 of her phones in 2 weeks. She didn't respond to anyone trying to contact her. The 3rd day there she tells him she hates him and doesn't want to be with him anymore.

 

He promises to change and threatens her with getting custody of her kids. She falls for it and goes back to him. This is like the 20th chance she's given him.

 

He tells her not to contact me or hang out with me anymore. Soon, she contacts me against his wishes. He changes her number and blocks me. So she starts IMing from her phone and adds me to another account on Facebook. She tells me that if she didn't have kids she would stay with me, but for the sake of the kids and giving him another chance to be with his kids she has faith that he will change.

 

She told me she misses me and still has feelings for me. She still talks to me and has hung out with me 3 days in the last week. She started crying the other day when we left where we were for our meeting out and started crying, turned away quickly and left. We thought it might be the last time we see each other. Saturday she is moving to be with him about an hour and a half away. She went over there for Easter and sat in a house with him, his sister (who he has hit while she was trying to protect his wife), and 2 of his sisters friends that he has cheated on her with and gotten one of them pregnant and made get an abortion.

 

Nothing I say will convince her to stay with me. She will not listen to anyone. I've been miserable without her, and I just can't fully understand why she has gone back to him. I understand she's been beaten down for a long time (8 yrs), and she has low self esteem, but the time we shared together was nothing short of total happiness. We both were so happy with each other

 

She has been very honest with me about everything. She's a wonderful woman and I see so much more in her than she sees in herself. She said she doesn't deserve me and I don't deserve to be in this situation. I told her I wanted to be with her and I have proven all I can to her.

 

She said she needs time because she has unresolved feelings for him and she's also doing it for her kids. It's like as soon as he got her in Cali he changed her mind. I said, "What's it going to take to make you see he's no good, for him to kill you?". Her reply, "it will not come to that". He's moving her away from her whole support system (her parents, friends, and me) to live with him and his sister. I know when she moves he will have her on total lock down and there will be no more contact unless she can get away for a short time.

 

He keeps her on a call schedule from her job and when she's not at work.

 

She said she is scared to come back to me if it doesn't work out with him (which I know it will not work, and will probably get worse) because she feels I'll have another girl by then, or just not want to see her.

 

Is there ANYTHING I can do?

[CarrieT]

She falls for it and goes back to him. This is like the 20th chance she's given him.

for the sake of the kids and giving him another chance to be with his kids she has faith that he will change.

Nothing I say will convince her to stay with me. She will not listen to anyone.

She said she needs time because she has unresolved feelings for him and she's also doing it for her kids.

Read all these excerpts....

 

Is there ANYTHING I can do?

I think you answered your own question.

 

 

Sadly, until SHE decides otherwise, there is nothing you can do.

[pip18036]

I want to be here for her, but it's killing me. I have no power in the situation. I don't want to let go, but I could be waiting forever. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just tell her to leave me alone or what.

[gaius]

Tell her to leave you alone. She likes the kind of treatment he gives her so unless you want to start abusing and controlling to show your love it's best just to stay away. Even if you decide to go that route he's been doing it a long time, so he's probably much better at it than you.

[Pebbles62]

The first steps away from him must be hers and she isn't ready to take them so there is nothing you can do.