dan_1 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Hi everyone, this is my gfirst post on here and really not sure what to do! Will try and keep this short I started with my gf last October, which was my first relationship for a long time. Things were going great in the period before we started but although I was sure of my feelings, I had been used to being single before and after just a week into our relationship I told her perhaps its better we take things more slowly and that we should start the relationship later. She was very upset about this and around that time an ex boyfriend of hers who she says they had been good frds for many years (even during her relationship with her last ex boyfriend) contacted her and when I was away for a week in early Nov they agreed to meet up and she told him she at that time she'd met the guy (me) she was so happy with but I'd decided to break up with her. We were back to together by the time I had gone away and apparently this ex bf of hers now has a gf too. Still, one time when we were having lunch after I was back, she was texting with him and I asked if they had met recently which she no. The week after she said he'd asked for lunch and she asked me first whether I'd mind...I said go ahead enjoy the lunch with him..he later cancelled and then me and my gf flew to another city together before i flew home for the christmas holidays (she wanted to come with me for my long stopover of 2 nights on my way back home). at the start of the relationship she'd asked me a lot about one of my ex gf who I was with for many years and she also told me a lot about her exes and how she stays frds with them. on the trip she asked me alot about my ex which i got a bit annoyed (wanted to enjoy the time with her instead!) and we both went back to our home cities for christmas. anyway, it turns out when I was at home she met this ex for a few times, for lunch and afternoon drinks and he also wanted to meet her to give her a gift for christmas...whilst i was away I had no idea and she met me at the airport once i came back. The ex called her just when we met (she told me it was him) hich I was a bit surprised about and just asked again if they'd met whilst I was away...she said no but when I asked her a few times she asked me to check her phone for the messages...looked through and saw that they'd met! I don't know why she decided to lie to me when she gave me the phone as nd said they had nothing to hide. I asked her why and she said she'd forgot they'd met...I was annoyed with her for lying and broke up with her that night...which lasted a few weeks...she said that was the last time she had contacted her bf although she spoke to him for a few hrs the night we broke up...also seen they had contacted a lot whilst I was away although the conversation was mostly about me, she'd also sent pics of us two together on our trip and asking him why I would break up with her so soon. I just don't understand why she would lie then if she had nothing to hide, am I being too harsh? Even the month she was supposedly lying to me she was a great gf, introduced me to all her frds, supported me a lot for my work and flew with me when i transited for 2 nights. Did she really just contact him for advice and someone to talk to like she said? She insists nothing happened and trust that she didnt contact him since...just 2 weeks ago he had sent her a msg when she was in the shower saying something like he hadnt seen her for a few months and asked how she's been. when i ask her if anything happened, she takes the time to explain to me, although seems i'll never really know what happened when i was away. maybe it's because she lied to me at the start of the relationship i still feel this is a problem now, even if everything else is great. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I asked her why and she said she'd forgot they'd met. WTF dude? And you believed this feeble and obvious lie? How can she "forget" that she had met her ex? What a load of BS. I don't know why she decided to lie to me when she gave me the phone as nd said they had nothing to hide. Here is her thought process. "If I don't give him phone then he will see that I have something to hide. If I give him the phone then hopefully he will see that I trust him and will not actually read the messages". I just don't understand why she would lie then if she had nothing to hide, am I being too harsh? Not at all. If she had nothing to hide then she would not need to lie. There is obviously a lot more going on between them than she is letting on. Ditch her dude, she does not respect you or your relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderer25 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 he said no but when I asked her a few times she asked me to check her phone for the messages. Haha..She never expected that you would look through the messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Dude, regardless if anything happened or not. She lied and hid it from you. If absolutely NOTHING happened, then there's absolutely nothing to hide. When you start hiding things from your partner in a relationship, that's the beginning of the end of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 It was a big deal... Cut your losses... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dan_1 Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 thx everyone for your replies, actually I didn't mention that we both speak other languages...so couldn't understand most of the msgs anyway what she wrote with her ex but I could see that most of it what was in English was about our relationship...actually spoke to her again tonight about it (saying I still find it hard to continue) and once again she wants to explain everything that happened to me and that the reason she did it is because she wanted somebody to talk to who understands her at that time after she thought I could give up so easily. Since I broke up with her after what happened and even before she was a great girlfriend (well, apart from this!). Could it really just have been an innocent relationship with her ex or and now she trusts I'm serious she's really changed her way and no longer needs to contact him. At the time I broke up with her she said although she would feel disappointed at losing a close friend she chose not to contact him anymore and it was easy for her to do that as she didnt want it to affect our relationship. I never at anytime said she should stop contacting him, even after she told me he'd had told her that I'm not good for her... But on the other hand, I've never had to deal with this in any previous relationship before and worry it may happen again in the future...sigh...just seems a shame to let this end an otherwise great relationship. If she says I'm the one she has been looking for and she keeps fighting to make things right, why would she have done this? After all, she had plenty of chances to be with that ex before right? really stuck at what to do, feel like I should let go but at the same time will lose someone I really connect with Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 She's not over her ex and is scared to commit to you. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 thx everyone for your replies, actually I didn't mention that we both speak other languages...so couldn't understand most of the msgs anyway what she wrote with her ex but I could see that most of it what was in English was about our relationship...actually spoke to her again tonight about it (saying I still find it hard to continue) and once again she wants to explain everything that happened to me and that the reason she did it is because she wanted somebody to talk to who understands her at that time after she thought I could give up so easily. Since I broke up with her after what happened and even before she was a great girlfriend (well, apart from this!). Could it really just have been an innocent relationship with her ex or and now she trusts I'm serious she's really changed her way and no longer needs to contact him. At the time I broke up with her she said although she would feel disappointed at losing a close friend she chose not to contact him anymore and it was easy for her to do that as she didnt want it to affect our relationship. I never at anytime said she should stop contacting him, even after she told me he'd had told her that I'm not good for her... But on the other hand, I've never had to deal with this in any previous relationship before and worry it may happen again in the future...sigh...just seems a shame to let this end an otherwise great relationship. If she says I'm the one she has been looking for and she keeps fighting to make things right, why would she have done this? After all, she had plenty of chances to be with that ex before right? really stuck at what to do, feel like I should let go but at the same time will lose someone I really connect with Dude - you are single and really don't need all this drama. It will take a lot of hard work for you to ever really trust her again so why not just walk away and start fresh? I mean, she has lied to cover her ass and will continue to lie unless you actually can prove she slept with him. That's how it works. Don't put yourself through this - move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dan_1 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 But why do you think she slept with him? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 But why do you think she slept with him? You said that she said nothing happened. Did she confess to sleeping with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dan_1 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 No she didnt, she always said they just chatted when they went for lunch or coffee..have asked her many times since I found out what happened an she always explained the whole story again... When I asked her this week though her reply was 'I hate you' because she thinks I really doubted our trust. Said she regrets saying that now but of course I was quite shocked when she said that. She's asked me many times about my ex but I've never got angry with her over that Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 What nationality is she? You can use google translate to decipher the other language she used to see for sure what she said. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Dude, she was working up to an affair with this guy. You said that some of the stuff that you could understand was talking about you guys. And then when she informed him she couldn't talk to him anymore, she said to you that he said that you weren't good for her. e was probably bad mouthing you. Trying to convince her that your horrible for her and he was the right shoulder to cry on...and one thing leads to another. Fact is, she shouldn't have been talking about her relationship with anyoe but you. Link to post Share on other sites
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