Green Light Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) If you choose not to meet a women's emotional needs, you do so to your own peril. But we don't always know what those needs are. He**, women don't even always know what their emotional needs are until the moment they feel them and sometimes by that time it is too late. Edited April 27, 2012 by Green Light Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Trial and error. To meet a woman's emotional needs, you need to understand your own emotions. Validate how they feel and show that they are important to you Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Validate how they feel and show that they are important to you We have a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 I have done a bit of reading here today and I can't help but wonder if this is a possible case of G.I.G.S. as it seemed to come out of nowhere in what I thought was a happy, loving relationship. Sure we had our ups and downs, but never once did we fight, argue, or raise voices at each other in the almost 4 years we lived together. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 So, she's probably having sex with him right now and you would take her back? Ewww, ewwww.....and triple ewwwwww. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 So, she's probably having sex with him right now and you would take her back? Ewww, ewwww.....and triple ewwwwww. So you only sleep with virgins your entire life? Give me a break. I personally hate breaking in a new car, such a pain in the ass and I have to constantly worry about not wrecking it. That's why I prefer used Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 So you only sleep with virgins your entire life? Give me a break. I personally hate breaking in a new car, such a pain in the ass and I have to constantly worry about not wrecking it. That's why I prefer used ????????????????!!! Where on earth did that remark come from? I simply meant that he shouldn't take someone back who dumped him for someone else, is on holiday with that dude, etc. etc. etc......thinking it will all work out when she returns from the tryst. He's ready to take her back no matter what she's sleeping with. Not liking your comment...At all. It was unkind and unwarranted. I prefer an experienced man, just not one who is sleeping with someone, expecting me to wait till he's done because it just might work out with us. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 He loves her. Just because someone else would accept someone back when you wouldn't you shouldn't project distasteful sexual insecurities onto someone else. You didn't like my projection, he's not going to like yours. Remember its love not logic. People reunite 50 years later all the time, at that time it has nothing to do with sex, it shouldn't now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) ????????????????!!! Where on earth did that remark come from? I simply meant that he shouldn't take someone back who dumped him for someone else, is on holiday with that dude, etc. etc. etc......thinking it will all work out when she returns from the tryst. He's ready to take her back no matter what she's sleeping with. Not liking your comment...At all. It was unkind and unwarranted. I prefer an experienced man, just not one who is sleeping with someone, expecting me to wait till he's done because it just might work out with us. I know it may have come off like that in my original post but I don't honestly know if I would take her back "no matter what" do I love and care about her, absolutely, you don't have a relationship with someone for that long and not. However there was a trust that was violated and things that have been done that I know would take me some time to get over, if I do at all. And to your original question , yes, I am aware she is sleeping with him. I'd be a fool to think otherwise. I suppose what I meant in hindsight is that if I truly got the impression that she was remorseful and willing to work to fix whatever went wrong between us that I would tell her to take time to make sure that's what she really wanted and if it was still say a month or two later after initial contact that I would probably be willing to try again. Of course, that is all given my thoughts at the moment, who knows when / if she will contact me again, and by then my stance may change. Edited April 27, 2012 by DMS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) He loves her. Just because someone else would accept someone back when you wouldn't you shouldn't project distasteful sexual insecurities onto someone else. You didn't like my projection, he's not going to like yours. Remember its love not logic. People reunite 50 years later all the time, at that time it has nothing to do with sex, it shouldn't now. Distasteful insecurities? Are you having a bad day? You are protesting too much here. Shaking my head....You NEED logic in love or you make boneheaded moves like taking someone back who clearly doesn't care. And I'm not here for my projections to be liked--I am here to be honest; the poster asked for input and he got honest input. I hope your nose isn't bleeding from being on your high horse. Edited April 28, 2012 by BewitchedandBothered Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 As best I can pinpoint it, I think it started to fall apart when I had to take a second job throwing a paper route as my hours were cut at work and I was trying to provide / pay the bills / start saving for a ring, That was about 9 months ago, I knew she didn't want me to take the job as it would cut into our time together. Yet in order to keep a roof over our heads and the water and electric on I took it. I tried to explain this after the break up as I suspected that's why she left but was met with only silence and a distant attitude. I may have been foolish, I know she is a girl that doesn't need a lot money wise and she met this guy playing one of the online games we used to play. I have no doubt that because they played the same hours he was giving attention that I could not due to working. See, this is another thing a totally dislike about the situation. If a girl finds someone new, one of their excuses is if the guy doesn't have a job or WAY to much time on his hands and not pulling in a lot of money. Then, they're leaving because you don't have goals, lack of a job or a job that isn't good enough to support. However, if a guy is busting his ass to provide; working two and sometimes three jobs, then the break up happen because he was never around. A damned if you do and a damned if you don't situation. I hate that.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 It is which kind of makes me wonder if it isnt a G.I.G.S. case, not that that would make it any easier but at least then I'd have something to wrap my head around. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 G.I.G.S. or not, you didn't deserve this. You've proved that your dedicated to ensuring that there's a roof or your heads, food on the table and the bills are paid...and a little extra on the side. A lot of girls would LOVE a guy half as responsible as you and one day, your Ex is going to realize she gave up on a good thing. Not your problem. There is going to be a girl that is going to blow your mind into next Tuesday. She's out there somewhere. And she's waiting for you to find her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Thanks for the kind words. This site has really helped me put things in perspective. Not that my feelings for her have diminished but I at least now can see a light at the end of what was once a very dark tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
mridul_chajilee Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Bro,only 5year?She broke up with me after 11years and told me that she was only acting with me,she did not love me.So,i think TIME is not a factor for a healthy relation,Main factor are ATTRACTION,FAITHFUL,UNDERSTANDING and TALKING. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Bro,only 5year?She broke up with me after 11years and told me that she was only acting with me,she did not love me.So,i think TIME is not a factor for a healthy relation,Main factor are ATTRACTION,FAITHFUL,UNDERSTANDING and TALKING. I can't help but wonder if the line of "I have been unhappy for X years" is not only something said to try to put distance between the dumper and the dumpee but also a kind of that person trying to convince themselves that they have been unhappy for a lot longer than they really have been just to try to console themselves. Not saying that in some cases people won't stick around to try to make things work but I am not so sure that as many people use this line really mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I can't help but wonder if the line of "I have been unhappy for X years" is not only something said to try to put distance between the dumper and the dumpee but also a kind of that person trying to convince themselves that they have been unhappy for a lot longer than they really have been just to try to console themselves. Not saying that in some cases people won't stick around to try to make things work but I am not so sure that as many people use this line really mean it. Not console themselves. It's to convince themselves that what they're doing is okay. If they were honest with themselves, then saying, "I haven't been happy for the last two weeks so I decided to screw someone else." kind of makes them look like a dirtbag. It's called re-written the history of the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 Not console themselves. It's to convince themselves that what they're doing is okay. If they were honest with themselves, then saying, "I haven't been happy for the last two weeks so I decided to screw someone else." kind of makes them look like a dirtbag. It's called re-written the history of the relationship. Kind of what I meant but said much better. Link to post Share on other sites
mridul_chajilee Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 For death a reason is required like for break up a reason is required,and it never recycle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 I have been NC for about a week now, which is fine but I am a bit torn on what to do when I take her cats ( used to be ours ) back to her mom's tonight / tomorrow morning. I was raised that if you appreciate something you say thank you but I am also trying to maintain NC. I was considering writing a small note that consisted of "Thanks for agreeing to let me watch the cats." and leave it at that. Hmm not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
mridul_chajilee Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 its been 3years of my NC and im continue.........the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Took the cats back early so I could focus on moving. I won't lie I cried my eyes out the whole car trip knowing that I most likely will never get to see them again. Talked to her Mom for a few minutes, as she asked if I had heard anything from her. I told her no and she said she really doesn't know what got into the ex but last time she pulled something like this she moved away for 2 years with out a peep, ( I know in talking to the ex that this was when she married her first husband who she couldn't stand after about 6 mos but had moved with him when he got deployed to Japan for the Air Force. ) Perhaps that as far as I could tell I was responsible and caring and that just didn't groove with what she wanted to do as I know in talking to her before I found this site that she had started to drink more and doing things that she previously had no desire for. Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Took the cats back early so I could focus on moving. I won't lie I cried my eyes out the whole car trip knowing that I most likely will never get to see them again. Talked to her Mom for a few minutes, as she asked if I had heard anything from her. I told her no and she said she really doesn't know what got into the ex but last time she pulled something like this she moved away for 2 years with out a peep, ( I know in talking to the ex that this was when she married her first husband who she couldn't stand after about 6 mos but had moved with him when he got deployed to Japan for the Air Force. ) Perhaps that as far as I could tell I was responsible and caring and that just didn't groove with what she wanted to do as I know in talking to her before I found this site that she had started to drink more and doing things that she previously had no desire for. so she pulls her spoof again, on you. Talking about emtionally immature woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMS Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Got a message from the ex today in reply to an old message I left on facebook before I went NC: Just so you know, leaving my friends list totally screwed up my buildings in castleville ;x wow... Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Got a message from the ex today in reply to an old message I left on facebook before I went NC: Just so you know, leaving my friends list totally screwed up my buildings in castleville ;x wow... She's really into priorities, it looks like. Link to post Share on other sites
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