Dealing with someone's drinking problem

[apiman]

Ok, in short there is a 20 year old girl who's been an important part of my life, even though though I'm not her friend and I don't know much about her. Nevermind that part for a minute. All that's important right now is that if it wasn't for this person I wouldn't be here today, and I've been very concerned about her drinking habits. She's been getting wasted for several years now, and I know that she has gotten DUIs in the past. For some reason drinking is something that really bothers me. I'm 18, however I've never tasted alcohol and for some reason it's a goal in my life to stay away from it. Anyways, as I said I've been very concerned because not only is it illegal to drink underrage, but to see that she is putting herself and others in danger shows me she isn't playing it safe. It frustrates me so much that I want to go and make her stop getting trashed forever. I wish all alcohol would just disappear so she would never have to put herself in danger like that ever again, no matter how much fun she thinks she's having.

 

Obviously, it's not easy to confront somebody and tell them to stop getting trashed every weekend. It's also much more difficult when you hardly know the person, haven't seen them for years, and the girl does not like you very much. In fact, I know if I called her and told her to stop drinking or something like that she'd tell me to go straight to hell and hang up the phone.

 

I guess my question is, well, what should I do? I think what I'm asking help on is not really how I stop her, but how I stop myself from worrying about it. Sure she'll be legal in a few months, but that still doesn't make it right for her to go **** herself up every weekend and put other people into harms way. However, I have to imagine that I sound exactly like her parents, something she doesn't want to hear anymore. She probably thinks she's old enough, living on her own, to do what she wants. I try telling myself to just forget; she's stupid and nobody can change that; I try to make her seem like such a terrible person in my head so it doesn't bother me so much... but there's nothing that works. If anyone has any advice on what to do I'd gladly appreciate it.

 

EDIT: I forgot to mention that my niece was killed last week while playing some dangerous driving game while intoxicated. This has really had an impact on my feelings toward alcohol in general and this girl. She has a boyfriend, but if he lets her get wasted all the time, how much can he really love her? Damnit that frustrates me so much.

[Thinkalot]

This is a tough one, especially as you seem to think she won't listen to you. Is there anyone else you know of who can speak to her, whom she WILL listen to?

 

Or what about mailing her some information on the dangers of drinking, or getting some info to her some other way?

 

Or what about simply being direct. She might hang up on you. She might be angry or embarassed.

 

She might also think about what you've said and make some changes.

 

And at the very least, you will have tried.

[apiman]

I know, but I'm so afraid to call her. To be more specific, she knows that I used to like her a lot, and about 6 months ago I started calling her because I needed someone to talk to. She told me she didn't feel comfortable talking to me, and even her boyfriend threatened to put a restraining order on me even though I only talked to her a couple of times. After that, I sent her a letter about some stuff but she never called me back like I had asked. Therefore, I don't feel like it'd make sense for someone like me to call and out of the blue start telling a 20 year old the dangers of drinking... you know? That just seems odd.

 

What do you think?

[miz_barby]

Don't mean to sound harsh but how do you know so much about her problems? If she isn't a part of your life and doesn't want anything to do with you how is it you know that she is getting trashed every weekend?

 

Why did they threaten you with a restraining order? Did you STALK her or something? I don't know your story well but sounds like you've got stalker tendencies and if I'm wrong I'll so apologize!

[apiman]

She told me to call her if I ever needed to talk, and well I was going through something very tramatic, so I tried calling. I would never reach her, in fact I only got ahold of her once in two weeks. Anyways her boyfriend didn't like that I was calling so much and told me to stop unless it was something important. I wasn't stalking her, but I admit I was rather rude calling so much. My only excuse is that it wasn't like I was reaching her and calling every day, I needed to talk with her once.

 

Anyways, I know about her drinking habits because one of her drinking friends was in the same classes as I was and would talk about it.

 

And then I think about how she got a DUI a long while ago I'm thinking, she could have killed somebody or herself... what a horrible person. But I can only sustain that thought for a while before it starts to get to me again.

[beautiful]

I think that you have some severe issues with yourself and that is what needs your attention! You are very young and it shows that there is much more going on with your own life.

 

Did you have alcoholics in your own family? Why do you feel the "need" to want to get involved with this?

 

You can't fix her or anyone else for this matter, you can only fix you! Where does your hate for alcohol come from?

 

The best advice that you can give her is to go to AA and you drop it! If you feel the need to want to "fix it" for her you need to find out why! If you had alcohol issues in your family , I suggest ALANON for you!

 

Good Luck!